Cy: It's been awhile since I've posted to you, but what Bob and Kev stated are pulling me to post.

I think Bob pretty much hit me on the head with the exception in my case being that W & I had grown so far apart that it could have just as easily been me having the A (except that I guarded myself against it). This was a huge realization on my part and a big turning point in my recovery.

As far as SF, I think my W & I are having issues similar to RookKev. It's frustrating in that there are times that neither of us are able to communicate are needs. I think that comes from our insecurities from the ordeal we've been through.

And then on top of that I have or had issues with temptations. I believe that to be Satan trying to attack what remains of my M and break the recovery. I've been able to see it for what it is and deal with it. Maybe this helps?

RH

RH,

My fww had stated to me that sex had become all confusing inside of her head, following her affair. She wanted me to back off on the whole topic..not stating that sex would stop, just to not push her for it. She 'understood' I have needs, and thus wasn't 'cutting off' all sex, but was very uncomfortable with it all.

Well, ghee, thanks a ton hun. LOL. I had a kabillion things fly through my head at that point, but, realizing none of them were things of love, I just clamped the mouth shut and said I understand, and will try to 'comply'. Now, a year later, I'm wondering if things are still messed up for her...it would be nice to be filled in occasionally as to her mental state on some of these type issues.

btw... today is my one year anniversary of my fww coming home. hmmm. Interesting...she did call me a bit ago and told me she took tonight off work. It would be really cool of her to celebrate it with me in some special way, but I already know that isn't really the intent. She at least acknowledged the significance of today this last weekend, asking us to quit smoking starting today, as it has turned out to be a life decision day for her. She found out (was reminded) that the 6th was the day she accepted Christ when she was a child, then also that turned out to be the day she came home (absolutely unrealized for her at the time), and now we are quitting smoking...man, what is next year gonna hold in store for us?

Recovering,

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">And then on top of that I have or had issues with temptations. I believe that to be Satan trying to attack what remains of my M and break the recovery. I've been able to see it for what it is and deal with it </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">This was a tough weekend for that precise reason. I was contacted by a friend of a mutual aquaintance telling me that there was more to it then just friends on her part. I value this friendship very much but I have made the decision to separate completetely, after I tell her my reasons. I sure hope this incredible fallout from my WW's A doesn't take away another important person in my life. It seems that this runaway bull( the A) is wreaking havoc on me personally while my WW is blissfully enjoying the results of her actions. At least it seems so.

Cy,

Not sure if you'll want to hear this but based on what you just said,any woman that is already on the lookout for a man,who is in distress is not one you should be planning a future with.

How did this woman come to have such feelings for you already and what do you think of the fact that she has let her feelings be known to you at this point? Is this really appropriate? You are not D'd yet.And like I mentioned before,there will be plenty of women waiting for you but you have to take some time to reflect and heal first,not jump right into a new relationship.

What would you tell a woman in the same position as you if a man was "preying" upon her when she has yet to get through a D and was in obvious turmoil? Don't confuse inappropriate advances with a seemingly innocent gesture.

I had to get that off my chest.Sorry if offends you.Just more of that apparent slippery slope that people need to watch out for IMHO.

O

10Girl,

You could not offend me, I value your input too much. She happens to be a former girlfriend before I met my wife. I have always remained good friends with all of my ex-girlfriends and even my ex-first wife( much to the consternation of my WW).When I was accused by my WW of all the terrible things that I had done to justify her A, I simply pointed out these ex's and asked her to confirm what a b*stard I was to them. She never took me up on my offer and BTW I rarely ever ran into any of them and when I did my WW was almost always with me.

While I value our friendship, I also know that this situation will be handled today, in unequivocal terms. Not harshly but in a way that can not be misinterpreted.

Thanks for your concern. As I approach my D( my WW has finally filed a settlement proposal), I know that my stress level and loneliness make me very vulnerable. I am doing my utmost to make sure my WW has the only guilty conscience at the conclusion of our M.

Good for you Cy.I know how much this siutation hurts you and all of us.And I only would want you to find happiness again without the least amount of regret or uncertainty.Your time will come.You are a good man.

~Night~ <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Ok, my ww has been confussed for the last 5 mo. She has been lieing about NC throughout this whole time. Now that she says she is going to NC again, which may be true (who knows), I don't think I want her any more. I look back at all the pain she has put me through, the lies, and the total disrespect and now see only beauty on the outside. When I look inside at the person she really is, I see a monster.

What also may have had an effect on me was that I have been talking to another woman for the past 3 wks. Someone totally different than my WW in a very good way. This also makes me look back at my pre-A R with my WW, causing me to question if I would really could be happier with someone else. And beleive me, I could especially after all of this $h1t. My wife does not deserve me; not after putting me thru 5 mo of he11.

So, now I have the power, the resposibility. I have two young children. I should try for them. That's if WW is willing, but is it too late? I need to give it 3 wks anyway b/c of Xmas.

For some reason I would feel guilty for ending it.Why?
I did every thing i could, right?

Also, my WW will not give me SF. I know that I should give her space, but this makes me v. angry and makes me want to get out more. Is this selfish?

Rook, what do you meen that wonder if things are still messed up with her.

Well, thats how I, a BS, feels now that time has passed.

SoNumb,
It is just a statement, more a confession of still a breakdown in communication in my marriage. I'm afraid to bring it to the table, for one, not wanting to rock the boat, for which I have no clue...I guess because of fear she may say still not better, let's try no SF. Or fear of her saying, yes, it's all better for me...and then find myself in a spot where I don't really feel any connection with her during sex. And then, that would be my fault I guess...grr. I feel connection, but, I just 'think' it should be more. Hard to descibe, we hit it once during this last year, where I felt like we were together completely...that is more of what I'm striving for I guess.

The point is, ws tend to throw around negative and controlling statements, but end up never following up with them, meaning clearing the air around a problem. So, that is what I meant.