Well, I think the internal anger is perfectly normal...considering the thoughts that sometimes run through my head. It would be a total turnaround to be in a position to SAVE the life of the OP. But you did your job the way it should be done -- without personal interference. That is strength.

It is so sad that innocent people are badly hurt by A's. Your compassion for the others is testament to your sensitivity.

"The test of success is not what you do when your on top. Success is how high you bounce when you hit bottom." - Gen. George S. Patton

When I read your story, LM, I remembered this quote.

I imagine that night in the ER was a "hit bottom" moment for you. Call it training or whatever you want. The fact is you bounced...and you bounced high.

I have always repected your insight, views and that you call 'em like you see 'em. Well, there's one more thing to add to my "reasons to respect LM" list <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Seriously, thank you for sharing. I find that opening up and sharing here is very helpful...even if just to me. I'm glad you've stuck around.

Thank you for everyon'e comments and support. I now know that posting this story was the right thing to do. YOu are all marvelous human beings who I pray for. My life is better since meeting you all. ANd to think I found this board in error on a search on google for something totally unrlelated.......I wonder if it was not an "error" at all. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

In error? Nope, divine intervention! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Lemonman, what extraordinary, tragic circumstances that have brought you to MB. The paths that we have travelled to get here are such complicated tales of woe. Do you and your wife still talk and does she still she OM? What a painful time this must have been for all of you.

I'm glad you told us your history. I have loved reading your sarcastic undertones in response to many people's relationships. Your decision not to remain married is your own personal choice. No one here will judge you - we all have our boundaries. TT.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by tummytuck:
<strong> I have loved reading your sarcastic undertones in response to many people's relationships. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Undertones?

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

My dear LM,

Thanks for sharing your story. As painful as it was and is, you have helped many with this thread and all your other posts.

The internal pain and anguish that most of us come here with is undescribable, yet in time most of us learn to put things in perspective to a size we can handle and find out life does exist outside of the one we knew. Being able to step out of our once comfort zone into another life is a big step for many. But is can and is often done whether we like it or not.

I suspect your learning and growing will continue at a safe pace for you. You sound like an honest person who is willing to face life's challenges. No superman but sometimes pretty close, eh? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

You showed us with your experience how that even when the WS hits the BS in the worst possible way, the BS struggles to survive. In most cases the BS survives better than the WS does.

You were and are able to bounce back stronger and quicker than most. Still you clearly are not out of the woods yet.

The road to personal recovery is long and hard but you will take what you have learned and make your future a better one.

Your story was truly appreciated. A bit suspenseful but certainly worth the read.

All the best. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

L.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by tummytuck:
<strong> Do you and your wife still talk and does she still she OM? What a painful time this must have been for all of you.

</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">WEll, we talk but not much. THe "fall out" from all of this has been utter hell for her. SHe has lost friends, family, and her life as she knew it over this. THere is not anyting I could do to make it worse for her. SHe would "want" me back but even if I thought it was genuine (I do not by the way)I would never take her back...NEVER. However, I have decided to forgive her for this and was planning on doing it soon face to face. I think deep down she is a good woman and can still be a good woman, but she has many many character flaws that allowed her to do all of this and for that reason we could never have a "true marriage" in my mind.

SHe does still talk to the OM as he is going through a divorce now and has 2 young children who are "dying" watching the fall out from all of this.

LM

double post......deleted. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

<small>[ December 06, 2004, 12:48 AM: Message edited by: lemonman ]</small>

LM,

I have read several of your responses and your espoused dislike or even distain for people trying to recover the marriage. So I had not bothered to respond to your posts. But, having read your story, I wonder if you realize you did what many here are trying.

You did give your W a second chance and had she been willing to try and rebuild the marriage you would have considered yourself in plan A and then recovery. However, she continued that A and you decided to end the marriage. I think you did so for very good reasons and surely it felt "right" for you to do so.

But I hope you will continue to read and post here and come to realize that this site is here to encourage people to do exactly what you did. IF you love them and want the marriage as you also did, THEN you must do your best to try and recover it or you would never forgive yourself. Recovery often does take the BS to realize what their contributions could have been to the marriage. But, as in the case of your W, it may not work.

I would imagine that no matter what else you think You are happy that you gave her a chance. And as much as you might regret that things have turned out as they did, YOU KNOW you gave what you could.

In this sense you are getting the FULL essence of this site. Harley never claimed ALL marriages could or should be saved, but that more could be IF people would be a bit more introspective about their roles in the marriage and the motivations of their WS. Indeed in the 5 almost 6 years I have been here reading and posting that is what I see. Many marriages still fail, but many make it that would not. So the systems does work as planned.

On a final note, I think you were able to save the OM for a completely different reason. He lived to see the distruction of his family, the pain in his children's face, the devastation caused to your soon to be exW, her family and his. He has to look to you the man he betrayed as the man that saved him and I think as the years go by that burden will grow in weight.

In a very odd and unexpected way, you have been granted the ultimate revenge. It was not revenge that you sought but by the fact of your skills, you willingness to take the risk, he owes you big time and there is no way for him to repay you.

There is a saying </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> The best revenge is a life well lived. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You have that chance. As a final note, all of this has no doubt changed your view of what is important in life, it is not money or things is it?? These are NOT bad things but they can be distracting from the truely important things can't they?

LM, I hope you continue to heal, and that you find the ULTIMATE revenge...happiness in your life.

God Bless,

JL

Lemonman,

Thanks for sharing… I’ve read some of your other posts as well, but this story will help people better understand where you are coming from on this forum. And I’m sure sharing all of this was/is therapeutic to you as well. You’re story is very sad…but it also gives a strong message of hope and strength.
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by lemonman:
<strong>I know that it was NOT MY DOING solely that saved his life. THis is why I KNOW For a FACT That there is a higher power in this life. YOu are right, he lived to protect me. I know this and to this day it shakes me.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">God sometimes works in very mysterious ways... Certainly there IS a higher purpose for all of this. I believe part of God’s plan with all of this was to use YOU as an instrument in His hands to give OM a second chance… A chance to do introspection, surrender himself and take responsibility for his own wrong choices and actions.

God Bless and take care... You're much stronger than you think! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
Suzet

<small>[ December 06, 2004, 03:04 AM: Message edited by: Suzet* ]</small>

I enjoyed reading this Lemonman. Thank you for sharing it. I understand your feeling naked, even though this board is anonymous.

I held my breath when I read that you were OM's surgeon. Even though his injuries were so severe, it could have been a real mess for you professionally and legally had he not survived. I understand your wishing that God had taken him, but have you considered that maybe God was sparing YOU? Then, again, OM had a wife and children. Maybe you were the only one there who God could work through to save their dad?

Do you mean that your name isn't because you want to become a sourpuss? I guess your real reason is better. Have you ever seen the Harlem Globetrotters play in person. I did when I was a kid. It was a great show.

Thanks for sharing Lemonman

I too am glad you shared. Now I can understand things better. It's sometime hard to comprehend the overall "tone" of a poster.

There are natural difference between WS/BS/OP, but when a BS has difficulty understanding another BS...it confuses ME, specifically.

I have more to say on this, but I want to put something constructive about my observation.

BIJ

Hi Lemonman,
I´m new around here.I am very sorry for your unfortunate experience. I find I do agree with lots of your positions.
Just wanted to suggest a couple of ideas that have helped me in my so far "short" experience with infidelity:
1. God seems to look out for me (too), at least that´s the way I feel, and therefore I thank him every night. It has occurred to me that maybe he has a plan for me in which my husband is not included. So maybe this marriage is not meant to survive.I will do what I can, what I believe is right to save my marriage because so far I haven´t seen any "signs" that it is not meant to be. But maybe in a few months I will finally know what the result of this unfortunate situation my WH has created is.
2. I have read forums for the wayward and the OP. I would hate to be them when they come out of the fog. Not only do they suffer as horribly bad as the BS do, they ALSO have the guilt!!!! which is like a multiplying factor for all the bad feelings. Reading those posts was very important for ME.
3. The fog is real. I feel like I´m living with a stranger. When I first read about the fog, it immeadiately explained my WH´s weird behaviours, the way he dresses etc. So I could stop worrying about each and everyone of those strange things, which meant that I could really concentrate on things that will make a difference when and if he ever comes out of it.

YOU will recover, have faith in God and ask him to make you strong to be able to continue doing his work here on earth. You were faced with VERY difficult situations BECAUSE you could get thru them and YOU DID!

Lemon,
Wow. I do have to say that you are a strong person for what you were able to do that night in the ER. I also have to say, that your feelings about the BS are very true, IMO. It is EXTREMELY hard to hear, and even harder to act upon. I think we (I am one of them) feel that our life is defined by our marriage. We would be failing if we ended it. It has a LOT to do with self-esteem...
I love your input onto the MB board.
Bless you and your recovery process..
Danielle

LEMONMAN-- <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />
oh MY!! Thats the saddest and most ironic story in the world!!! I feel so ,so bad for you Lemonguy.
I can see why you were so blunt with your first posts here. What you had been thru its something that will make any man go crazy!!
You give your wife a second opportunity in the marriage and then you end up saving the life of that scum bag.
Lemonman, your wife most feel like s...!! What she did to you was the most cruel thing in the world. Gosh, to end up in the ER with the OM.
It looks like a movie script.
I think you have great strenght to have come out a winner out of this most unfortunate situation.
I admire your straithforwardness, your strenght,your dignity handling your wife. You did more than enough to try to save your marriage.

One day she will look back and she will see what a terrible mistake she did with you.
You are right about people that stray having character issues,.I ,have many! But still, it is not an excuse for doing what I did.

I am so sure you will find a woman of great strenght like you and you will live happily ever after. You have a lot of compassion under your "tough" words to us FWWs.

It was an eye opening experience to read your story. It brings self awareness and reality to what I did to my husband.

As you are finding out there is a "light" at the end of the tunnel. You are almost there.

Take care Lemonman

MYRTA

lemmonman----the happy ending is simple....

YOU-----AND WHAT YOU NOW DO WITH YOUR LIFE!

Lemonman,

You can't say the story doesn't have a happy ending, it will have the kind of ending you choose. If you choose to make your part of the ending happy, then it will be happy.

You cannot choose happiness for others.

I'm probably somewhere between you and the typical BS you mention. I won't put up with WW's crap and won't just take her back.

I have pretty much ruled it out as a matter of fact, I've been hurt pretty bad.

Not that I want revenge, but I do want access to our YD and relief from the debt she helped create. She is free to go, she just can't take all the good and leave the bad.

Off to write my own happy ending,

TB

Lemonman:

postcall this morning I read your story. It is sad, very sad what happened to you. I admire your decision to divorce your WW. I wanted to do the same on d-day.

It seems you have no children. Many BSs here stay because they want to give their M every possible chance before taking away their children's father/mother.

Like you I firmly believe that nothing good can ever result from infidelity. All this talk about having a "better M" after recovery...yes, maybe you can learn to communicate better, but the trauma that was caused discovering that your best friend was having an A with someone else outweighs everything.

I have been in survival mode for the last 2 1/2 years. Just living every day and remembering to breathe. It still hurts like h###.

People here at MB come and go. I hope that many recover. The MB principles make a lot of sense if BOTH spouses are willing to follow them. If it is only one spouse and the other one continues lying then it is better to walk away. I hope for you that you can hold on to that strong feeling in your heart that divorce is right for you.

One advice to you: be careful when you post specifics about your situation. There have been people on these boards who collect information on members (MBs: remember the "Dustkitty" problem). Don't get into trouble with HIPPA <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

All the best,

Lemonman-

I wish I knew what to say. I feel so much for you right now. the pain jumped out at me, I felt it. You have lived through so much, yet find the strength to move ahead and look for better. You are putting yourself first and doing what you need to, even though it is hard.

How you were able to operate on a man that was $crewing your wife, you must have been going off pure adrenaline. I know when I found out I went on auto-pilot so to speak until I had my kids saftely tucked away with my mother, and then I collasped.

I have always had respect for you, now that has grown.

Hang in there Lemonman.

I am truely sorry for your pain.