I have a question for the men on this board. My H as most of you know has an impotency problem for many years and has to use viagra. He had the affair with a much younger woman using viaga. She didn't know he had a problem and she also didn't know he took viagra.

That comes to my question. It takes my H an awful long time to climax. I am talking about and hour and a half. I know about his problem and I know he has to take a viagra before sex and I work very hard at making sure he climaxes. I give him a massage. . .I do the works and eventually he climaxes like and express train. The first time it happened I could see the surprise on his face. . .he was actually surprised that he could climax.

I am sure that he didn't climax with the OW because of his problem (and the fact that she didn't know about the problem). He would have wanted to get sex over with as quickly as possible in case the viagra wore off which is sometimes does. Again we come to my question which sex is better. . .having sex with your 57 year old wife who manages to make you almost climb the wall (eventually) or having sex with a 35 year old and not climaxing????

Enid,

Well it is hard to tell which he prefers to have sex with, but I have an idea that the woman that makes LOVE to him is the one that thinks about most. This is my round about way to say that I think you are focusing on the wrong things here.

I know nothing of your story, but given the little you have said here, I am guessing the A had more to do with proving himself to himself than it did to him preferring sex with her to you. Further, making LOVE is far better than having sex any day. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Why do you think he had the affair? Has he told you? Have you asked him? I am betting she stroked his ego more than she stroked anything else. I am not finding fault with you, but I am suggesting that you have less to fear than you might imagine if you can figure out what needs of his she was meeting and if you had let these slip a bit.

I am not suggesting it was your fault. The decision to have an A was all his, but the state of the marriage is something you do have a say in. I can say as a guy that becoming impotent that most of us guys fear and fear seems to encourage people to make some dumb decisions.

I am thinking from what you said that you have the inside track in more ways than you realize. So don't worry so much and make LOVE to that man and I have the idea many of your fears will gradually go away. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

God Bless,

JL

I agree with the above post. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

According to him all his EN's were being met by me. When asked why he had the A his answer was "pure ego". He has stated on many occassions that there was nothing wrong with our marriage. . .there was something wrong with him. He became very depressed after the impotence and I think when a young doll came on to him it was the best thing (or so he thought at the time) that could have happened to him. Unfortunately at the same time that the young doll came on to him. . .viagra came on to the market. . .just my luck!!! I might add that the depression got worse and eventually he started feeling suicidal. He has not had a suicide thought since the A ended.

Why I asked the question is that I work very, very hard at making love to me and ensuring that he climaxes and it often goes through my mind that maybe she was so young and sexy and he managed to come without any problem. I don't think so. . .but those little demon thoughts creep into my head all the time.

I do know that he was very surprised the first time he climaxed with me after the A. We hadn't had sex for two years during the time he was having the A. He just kept refusing to take the viagra and I ended up not asking anymore. . .you can take so much rejection and then you stop asking. If anyone's EN's weren't being me they were mine. Top of my EN list is SEX. I love sex. I am still slim and trim and have often been told that I am a sexy doll "for my age". . .God I hate that sentence "for your age".

Anyway nobody has answered my question yet. . would you rather have sex with a young woman or make love to your wife and have GREAT SEX!!!!!

Enid,

Well as someone older than you or your H, I will take love making with my W OR even great sex than be with a young thing. Frankly, while I appreciate the female form as much as anyone, just sex is not good enough. I think he would be a fool to turn you down or nor appreciate what you are doing.

I am voting for great sex with the W or better yet great love making. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

JL

Our love making is great and as I said, little demons creep into my head about him being with someone so much younger than me.

We have great sex but he never comments on it. . .I wish you would just one day say "that was the greatest sex I have ever had". . .without referring to the OW at all. He avoids any meniton of the A or the OW. . .those subjects are totally taboo.

I want to know deep down in my hear that the love I am showing him is great. I think it great but he never say anything and I KNOW his climaxes are totally over the top. . .there is now way he can fake what is happening. . .its to wild and spontaneous.

I reckon I just need reassurance that making love with me and having sex with me is better than it was with her. I REALLY AND TRULY BELIEVE THAT HE NEVER CLIMAXED WITH HER - she just didn't have the inside information that I've got.

Thanks for your answers, as I said I am probably looking for reassurance. We made love on Saturday night and it was wonderful but on Sunday he just poodled around, never mentioned it and was in fact rather irratible. I think that is why these doubts creep into my mind. When I've had mind blowing sex like he had on Saturday night, I am walking on cloud nine on Sunday. . .sometimes even last till Monday.

^

The bottom line here is. . .would you rather have sex where you don't climax or would you rather have sex where you do climax? Decided to ask the question straight out. Need some answers from you men. Bearing in mind you are now having good sex with the wife that you say you love and you had bad sex with the OW that you say you never loved.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by enid:
<strong> The bottom line here is. . .would you rather have sex where you don't climax or would you rather have sex where you do climax? Decided to ask the question straight out. Need some answers from you men. Bearing in mind you are now having good sex with the wife that you say you love and you had bad sex with the OW that you say you never loved. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">This really isn't a question we can answer, your H has to answer it.

However, I have to say that sex to me (and it may not apply to your H) is best when it's a shared pleasure, when I can see my partner enjoying it, and not just doing "her duty"

To me, I get pleasure from seeing my partner "climb the walls" as much as I do getting off myself. If my partner looks to me like this is a chore, not fun, etc, and isn't willing to discuss her feelings, desires, what works and what doesn't, then the whole act is not very fufilling.

I can make myself climax, I want to give that to my partner, and hopefully see her enthusiastically give me the same.

But that's me, your husband is a completely different man, and so your mileage may vary.

TB

I agree, I believe making love is a two way street. Both partners should enjoy it. I walk ten feet tall when I have managed to make my H climax and as I say its hard work making him climax. . . His A with the OW was a one way street. . .I think he only managed to give her pleasure. Does this mean he enjoyed the fact that he could give a young woman pleasure at his age and it didn't matter that he didn't derive any pleasure. That's what I puzzle about. Our sex together is mutual satisfaction and its wonderful. But are men happy to just give pleasure and not receive any in return just for the thrill of it????? I am hoping NOT, I am hoping he gets so hooked on having sex with me because I manage to make him climax that he will never EVER STRAY AGAIN. Or am I being naive???

Depends on if that's his greatest EN. He may enjoy the admiration he gets from a younger woman. She may look up to him, etc.

Without knowing what is most crucial EN is, you might be going down the wrong path, expertly meeting a need that isn't most important to him.

Food for thought,

TB

A lot of men use Viagra for premature ejaculation as well. IN other words----- Viagra reduces penile sensitivity and the man can go longer. Most men and wommen don't mind this; however, perhaps your H has more reduction in sensitivity than the average.

Your H may also be dealing with issues of guilt and perhaps is not fully relaxed.

I also thought sex was the answer, but in reality it is not. I always made sure my wife climaxed during are times of love making, wether it was from performing oral on her or just playing with her, but either way I made sure she had an orgasm. And in return it would take me about an hour of love making to reach my moment.

Now my WW say's that I am the only guy she has ever been with who has been able to make her have an orgasm, she tells me it is because she feels comfy with me and does not feel the need to be shy about her body with me. I always tell her how sexy and hot her body is. I tell her all the time how delicouse she looks.

The om on the other hand has had intercourse with my wife twice and has yet to make her have an orgasm, well you ask what this has to do with your story, well my ww still prefers sex with him just because he fills her EN's and in return it gives her great pleasure in filling his SF needs.

This week with all the ups and downs we have had as a couple my ww still has wanted me to please her five time this weeks and twice the other night, but in a heartbeat she would run to the OM if he called her over for a quickie,

Don't give up on your WH, fill his other En's and maybe then he will not find as much joy with the OW, thats my Plan A...

My Plan A is very simple: My goal is to make myself look better then sliced bread.. LOL

I am filling all my H's EN's besides the sexual one's which I am filling over the top. He has never said that I didn't meet any of his EN's. In fact he has emphatically stated that I did meet all his EN's and that in his opinion we had a happy marriage. He says the only reason he had an A was pure ego. Again getting back to the orgasm. . .I think my H had got to the stage where he thought he couldn't climax and only after having sex with me again after a 2 year lapse did he actually climax. . .

So again I ask you men. . .which is better mutual good love making or one sided sex where you are just pleasuring the OW and not deriving any pleasure from the act at all???