I have to do this! *telling self*
My WH e-mailed me this morning and it was blunt and rude about money. I didn't reply. This helped me justify my Plan B actions. I have the letter to him and his CO in the mailbox, with the flag up. He will get it in 2 days probably. Until then I will keep contact to a minimum. I talked to some friends back home, who all agree and understand that in order for him to change, or even THINK about changing and becoming reasonable, I can't be there everytime they get into a tiff. He needs to realize that without me saving him everytime it is a lot harder and maybe not worth it. This is going to be HARD HARD HARD to do, especially with the holidays...but I have to.
I really appreciate all of yuor support on the MB board!
Danielle

I wish you the best. Hang in there!
Things will get better. I haven't talked to my WH in 2 months.

Hey, Keep posting here, I'm behind you!

Do you have an intermediary in place? Probably a good idea...an idea the OW will grab at, and one your WH will groan about. He's able to put up with her horsepucks because he gets the Dani-fix of sweetness when he needs it.

Well I just found out that my WH is out to sea from Today-Wednesday so he will get the mail Thursday. He has been e-mailing me this morning and I just want to shrink up and fall apart. This is so hard..
"Why can't you just let go of me danielle. Let me live my life. You only care about yourself in this world danielle, only worried about your own personal gain. Nobody else is even thinking about friday anymore. Why do you dwell on things so much. I just want to live my life danielle. stay out of it please. stop ****ing around with me. I want a divorce. I will do whatever it takes, I don't care anymore. just don't mess with my life anymore. I am not moving to Maine either"

That is his e-mail. I feel like I should just go file...
What's the point? He obviously sees no hope, or future...
I am sitting here, crying my eyes out. I wish I could reply with something that was going to make him see how much I care about HIM...but nothing I say sinks in..

Danielle

Dani,

You might have given a reason for this in a previous post, but why can't you block his email address? I have found it gives me a greater peace knowing there is not another emotional bombshell waiting for me every time I log on.

He is so deep in the fog and completely predictable. Of course he sees no hope, no future. They all are like this. But eventually the fog will lift, the question is will YOU still be there?

Keep up with your plan and have his e-mail address blocked. You don't need to keep reading messages like these. Use this time to spend with your kids and do stuff for yourself. Make a nice life for yourself, so one way or another you will be happy. How are your holiday preperations going? My guess is you haven't even thought about that. This would be a good project to focus on right now. Make sure the kids have the best Holiday you can provide for them. Lots of decorations, home made cookies, drive around and look at all the pretty lights. You are all they have right now. And make sure you do stuff just for you.

Heeelllooooo....don't you just love this all about me stuff? Do you have kids? Doesn't he even think about them, if you do.

Let this loser go. Don't let him mess with your mind anymore. Be in the place YOU want to be. Not very MB but he has to help build too.

SMIH,
My Mom is acting as the intermediary. Both my WH and the OW now dislike my Mother, so we will see how that goes. Right now he has no intention of seeing his kids anyhow, claims he doesn't care about them.

The thing is, he will be happy with the Plan B letter, and it gets me "out of his life" just like he has requested <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Dani,

I'm so sorry to hear of your pain.

This -- THIS is why Plan B is so important. You must isolate yourself - protect yourself from the hurt he throws your way. Plan B gives you time - away from your H, to regain your focus, your strength. It helps you - very, very gradually, to step back and look at your life more objectively. In the beginning it will be painful. Expect that. Because you too will go through withdrawal - withdrawal from the person you THOUGHT was your spouse but is now masquerading as someone else.

No, Dani, you cannot get through to him now. It is impossible. He is fog-bound and nothing you say will penetrate.

Best thing you can do is remove yourself from his life. Be strong enough to NOT read emails from him. Set them up so they are automatically forwarded to another person that you trust. Let that person read them and only tell you what is contained in them if it is of EXTREME importance. Or block them. Or delete them. Your continuing to read his emails will only continue to bring you pain. Can you consider this?

By isolating yourself from the pain of continued contact with your H, you will become a stronger person. Recovery will happen...whether it is just for you, Dani, or for both of you. You will be in a better place.

Dani,

You posted while I was writing. You said:

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">The thing is, he will be happy with the Plan B letter, and it gets me "out of his life" just like he has requested.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Yes, this is what he THINKS he wants. Let him have it - totally and completely. But for him to feel the full effects of removing you from his life, you must be prepared to do a strong Plan B and have no contact whatsoever.

Let's see if the OW can give him everything he needs and wants if he can't have any contact with you. This is the time when many A's fall apart. Now, please, don't expect it to happen overnight. It won't. But let them live in their little "paradise" and allow the reality of life and the world to set in.

when my H was in the thick of his fog he too claimed to not care about me or our children. Very hurtful- he is just trying to push you away so that you file so he can say that YOU gave up. Hang strong little one and wait for the Plan B to hit him between the eyes- and then continue to ignore him until he follows the plan.

Best of luck.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by DanigirlinVA:
<strong> ...."Why can't you just let go of me danielle. Let me live my life. You only care about yourself in this world danielle, only worried about your own personal gain. Nobody else is even thinking about friday anymore. Why do you dwell on things so much. I just want to live my life danielle. stay out of it please. stop ****ing around with me. I want a divorce. I will do whatever it takes, I don't care anymore. just don't mess with my life anymore. I am not moving to Maine either".....

That is his e-mail...... Danielle </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Dani,

Don't file. Let him. Pay attention and learn how to use this info instead of just letting it hurt you.

As far as he is concerned you still in contact (plan B letter not received yet). So send a short response. Somethint like:


WS,

I have let you go. Why do you keep harassing me with these types of e-mails. My lawyer and I are waiting for your paperwork. Where is it?

As for you 'doing whatever it takes' statement, make sure the settlement is going to cover your responsible obligations to our family. So that when you look in the mirror you will not only see the reflection of your current self but in the background you can see the crying eyes of your family and behind them, your other relatives and friends who care so much for you. If leaving them is what will make you happy, then do what you must. Just make sure your financial obligations are what at minimum what they should be.

Not sure if your current path will bring you the 'happiness' you seem to be willing to lose all we have worked so hard for. I have been in communication with people who have done what you are doing and right now, life is not looking good for them either. But if that is your new happiness, well......

Ok, gotta go...

D.

Well something like that. Learn to use his own words against him. After all, they are his words. It w/b harder for him to get mad at himself. The WS' face gets twisted (sometimes, literally) as you give them a taste of their own bitterness. Call it reverse babble or whatever, it brings some relief to the BS by giving the WS their own ugly medicine.

JMHO,
L.

Had a thought...is it possible the OW is writing these emails? She seems to be obsessed with losing him and him going back to you. Have you mentioned the numerous emails to him and checked out if they are ALL coming from him? Perhaps you can block his emails and write a little blurb that says you are not confident these are all coming from him anyway...

Cymanca,
I can block his e-mail, but he has not recieved the Plan B letter yet, so I havn't yet done that. I do find myself dreading checking my mail.

Kloe,
Holidays? When? I must have missed something? j/k. No, we havn't done one last thing, you are correct. When I read your post I decided to change that. The kids and I went out in the garage and got out some decorations and set them up the house. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Hurting,
We have two children, 22months and 4years. He is to self asorbed to think about the children. He complains that *I* am only thinking of myself, but he hasn't visited with the kids in weeks.

ISGirl,
As soon as he recieves the plan B letter I am blocking his e-mail. I need to for my own sanity. I really hate to see his life going down this road, but I have tried every last thing to help him, and nothing has worked. I am hoping that with Plan B I am able to re-gain my life...with or without him.

SHMI,
I know the e-mails are coming from him because he is using his ship e-mail and they are out to sea. I do also know that he BCCs everything to HER so a lot of what he says is for her benifit.

Orchid....Orchid....
Now if I only could hire you to sit on my shoulder and help me throughout the day! I sent him an e-mail that was almost a copy of what you said, altered in my words just TAD and he responded with "this doesn't mean I didn't want to discuss things danielle"

He sent another e-mail...
"let me reiterate. I don't care about danielle. If you are so smart inteligent and all these other things so why don't you go do something worthwhile with your life. Not mess mine up anymore. That's an option."
I responded with "I am doing wonderful things with my life, but thanks for the recommendation."
I just don't have what it takes to deal with him anymore! PLAN B is long overdue!

I got a voice mail on my phone from the OW. She is requesting that I either bring her, or she come pick up the dogs rabies papers and tags. My WH took the dog but didn't take her collar with tags. She said if I can not comply she will have to take action. I didn't respond, and I don't plan to.
LEAVE ME ALONE! My WH is gone for 3 days and you CAN'T control the urge to call me now can you?

One thing that is bothering me right now is his/our credit. He had me taken off all of his credit cards, which is fine.. BUT, he is also NOT paying them, at all. I used to handle this sort of thing, but per his request I am not on the accounts and he doesn't want me dealing with it. The problem is that his credit is going down the drain, quick. At some point he is going to regret it...and I hate to see it happen.
Sorry....venting..
Danielle

Dani,

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">If you are so smart inteligent and all these other things so why don't you go do something worthwhile with your life.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">LOL! If he only knew! You are doing just that - it is called Plan B!

Good for you, Dani! He is lost in the fog and the addiction and you are doing something smart and intelligent and protective!

Danielle - Yikes! The OW is calling you saying she may take action about the dogs, and you are worried about your WH's credit. What are you thinking? We've gotta get you straightened out.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by DanigirlinVA:
<strong>Orchid....Orchid....
Now if I only could hire you to sit on my shoulder and help me throughout the day! I sent him an e-mail that was almost a copy of what you said, altered in my words just TAD and he responded with "this doesn't mean I didn't want to discuss things danielle"

He sent another e-mail...
"let me reiterate. I don't care about danielle. If you are so smart inteligent and all these other things so why don't you go do something worthwhile with your life. Not mess mine up anymore. That's an option."
I responded with "I am doing wonderful things with my life, but thanks for the recommendation."
I just don't have what it takes to deal with him anymore! PLAN B is long overdue!

I got a voice mail on my phone from the OW. She is requesting that I either bring her, or she come pick up the dogs rabies papers and tags. My WH took the dog but didn't take her collar with tags. She said if I can not comply she will have to take action. I didn't respond, and I don't plan to.
LEAVE ME ALONE! My WH is gone for 3 days and you CAN'T control the urge to call me now can you?

One thing that is bothering me right now is his/our credit. He had me taken off all of his credit cards, which is fine.. BUT, he is also NOT paying them, at all. I used to handle this sort of thing, but per his request I am not on the accounts and he doesn't want me dealing with it. The problem is that his credit is going down the drain, quick. At some point he is going to regret it...and I hate to see it happen.
Sorry....venting..
Danielle </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Dani,

You sound in better spirits. Babbling back is healthy. The OW wants the rabies papers and tags? Why would you give any paperwork or tags to a strange woman? You can call and let the police know that a strange woman has called your home, demanding some rabies paperwork and tags...... you are not related to her in any way except via this A triangle and do not feel safe with her current contact. Ask them what are your options. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> This could start a case history at the police station so should she become more agressive, it is already documented.

Looks like the OW may need a rabies shot along with some tags. LOL!!!!

BTW, if that paperwork and tags were so important, how come the WS didn't think of it? Oh yea, that's right.....they don't think. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

L.

Beliver,
Yes....yes....what IS wrong with me? I care way to much... I keep thinking 'when we get back together I don't want to have this credit problem' etc. The reality is that he probably won't come back.

Orchid,
Why didn't my WH think of the tags? Well...he doesn't think very often! I reminded him of the tags on Saturday AND Sunday. OF COURSE they have to wait until he leaves to think about it. Their loss. I am not calling her back, nor am I meeting her ANYWHERE to exchange them. Now that WH will be in Plan B when he gets back from sea...how would I get these to him?

Without you all I would be lost!
Danielle

Danielle -
You hit the nail on the head - you care too much - about others. How about caring for yourself?
Anyone here that reads that OW is making demands on you will say WTF?
You need to stay very dark. Do not call or answer calls. Forget about the tags. The way you are letting yourself be treated is not right. You gotta stand up for YOU.

Dani,

Just because he hasn't gotten your Plan B letter yet doesn't mean you aren't in Plan B. You wee in Plan B the minute you sealed that letter.

So, as one who is in Plan B, you will:

1. Ignore his emails.

2. Ignore her emails. Block them both.

3. Name your mom, or someone else, the intermediary. That intermediary can give them the name of the vet so they can get their own copies of the tags if it is too much trouble for you to get the tags to the intermediary. Tough. Not your problem. You are in Plan B.

Why does he keep writing these hateful things to you? Are you obsessed with writing him a zillion times a day? This is very odd behavior. He wants a response from you. He likes to rile you. When you let him go and honor Plan B, he won't know what to do with himself. Yes, he'll be giddy that "you've come to your senses." But he'll miss the "fighting" part. He gets something out of that. When it is removed, he'll have nothing left to do except open his eyes to his present situation. I don't think he'll like what he sees, but you'll be out of the picture, so he won't be able to blame you. Get it?

YOu can do this.

~ Snow