WS, no PA since dday, EA continues via cell phone. She told me that she stopped contact over T-giving. Staying at her parents house since dday 9/11/04. All her things are still in house, she basically just sleeps at P's. This is the quasi-fence sitting, cakeeating I have talked about in other posts. My WW is acting like a spoiled brat. Seriously, you would think she is nine years old.

She is working from home today (telecommute). I know, this is weird and frustrating. She is still at home yet "living" at her parents house. It 's a freaking mess.

i can explain more later tonight. I am leaving to go home and I wonder what awaits me.

Good Luck Bear.

Thanks.

You are filling her need by allowing her in and out of the home. You know she has a place to sleep, that's good. Now as to her work conditions, well she can't have business as usual since the conditions she has brought about are not 'usual'.

JMHO,
L.

Hang in there, Bear.

Mac

Good luck Bear. My H said the same things after my third C with the OM. It worked for me. I needed to know how serious the consequences could be. Your wife is at a cross roads right now and needs to know the signs.

Update- Arrived home from work, here is what I counted on. A) WW would be there waiting to either commit to our R or to tell me that she would not continue. B) Most likely in my mind, she would not be there, back at P's house avoiding issues per the usual. Guess what? It was B) Avoidance.

So about 8PM I went over to her P's house to ask her what she thought about our conversation today. Got a C) We are not talking about this in front of our son.

On one hand that's fair. He doesn't need to see this. On the other hand, it is more avoidance. This is what she does. "I won't talk to you while I'm at work" and "not in front of our son". I could actually picture her holding him up like a shield. This is what she does, avoid the white elephant in the room and hope it goes away.

Told her I'd give her a few days, reply 'Is that an ultimatum?" She loves to use that word. I told her she knows what I've said, I don't need to tell her anymore (I told her about this sitch not allowing me to feel safe and secure, can't keep doing this, am not going to tolerate this disrespect, not asking for anything unreasonable, how this makes me feel, etc.). I'll play out the week, give her some time to think it through. What's that they say about time and pressure? Makes a diamond.

This is the plan A quandry, how to enforce boundaries. I've reexposed and squeezed the A as much as I can. If she is going to decide to hold onto the tools of the A (cell phone), and not make a commitment to NC, then plan B is around the corner. Non MB way of doing it though. I revealed my plan. The effect should be the same and she will know why this path has been taken. At the least, i am being honest with her.

Clarification for Orchid and others on the backstory.

Much of it is contained in this thread. I feel one of the major underlying reasons for our probs is a drift apart. We both commute opposite directions from home about an hour. This leads to alot of stress and an "on your own" mentality. This is an environment that I allowed to continue by not making a relocation to a job nearer to hers so we could move, resentment built up for that. (Funny it never came up she should switch jobs, but on that point, I conceed, I should have made a move).

After S was born, work gave her laptop so she could work a couple days a week at home. (Telecommute) This really never materialized and this was a sparse activity. First, we all know how corporate USA is. Second, she likes to escape to work, IMO. I made that easy by assuming daycare running, etc. her work and schedule a majority of time was a priority over mine. If I had meeting, etc. she wouldn't pick up child, she had her mother do it. I feel I have always made the sacrifices. Her taker worked OT for a long time, so why not have an A, her taker said she deserved it, right.

Now, I have made plenty of mistakes, no absolution here. But I do feel I put forth a large effort. My happiness has always come 3rd in our family...WW would have a different opinion, naturally. Somewhere along the way, she stopped giving and began taking, the partnership desolved.

Sitch now about living conditions I gave earlier. Dday was especially horrendous because it was not like she told me...I actually had the joy of catching her naked in OM bed (I knew the OM, so when I suspected something, finally, I went over there. He was not there, and not in act, THANK GOD). 3 months, multiple counseling sessions, lots of fence sitting, and broken NC followed.

Bear,

Is it possible that you are my older brother that is going through the same thing that I am? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Our sits are so close that it's scary, only exceptions are my WW has been at home since Dday. She has never said she wants the M, or knows what she wants, or shown me any real kind of affection.

I'm not telling you what to do, it's just I've come to the same realization that my Plan A is almost done, I have set a timeline (end of the month) for my Plan B to start. Now I'm just preparing for how to get her out of the house.

Good luck bro, I'll say a prayer for you!
Native