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Joined: Dec 2004
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I am in Plan B at the moment, and am trying NC. However, I still have no idea where I stand, and I would like my W to tell me if she is seeing someone else or not. I figure to send her a text message on her mobile phone, but how do I phrase it? I can't ask her straight out, because we are not talking to each other anyway, so text message would be best as at least that way she would read it.

I dont expect a response, but maybe I would get one, but I just want to know the best way to say it, without coming across as controlling and wanting to know what she is doing.

Any suggestions?

Joined: Apr 1999
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I am in Plan B at the moment
Why?
Do you know who the other guy is?

and am trying NC.
Plan B is not "trying no contact".
Plan B is no contact until she neds her affair. Did you post your Plan B letter here before you sent it? I can't find it anywehere

I would like my W to tell me if she is seeing someone else or not.
In Plan B you should not worry if she is seeing someone else or not.

I figure to send her a text message on her mobile phone, but how do I phrase it?
You don't send her anything. You are in Plan B and you told her in your letter that you would have no contact.
Why should she believe you about wanting to save the marriage if you told her no contact and then you contact her?

Any suggestions?
Read "Surviving An Affair" by Dr. Willard Harley.
Call Marriage BUilders and get an appointment ASAP (see below)

<small>[ December 06, 2004, 09:09 PM: Message edited by: Chris -CA123 ]</small>

Joined: Nov 2002
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You'll come across as controlling and not committed to Plan B. Don't send any kind of message. Assume she is seeing someone. Then you don't have to ask. It doesn't change anything until she is able to meet your requirements for coming out of Plan B.

Did you do a decent Plan A? Or did you jump right into Plan B. Forgive me, I am not up on everyone's stories these days!

~ Snow

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Basically, it has only been 3 weeks. In that time I have tried to be there for her, tried to give her the space and tried to work things out with her. However, all this has come to nothing, and she does not tell me anything about what she does anymore - where she goes, who she sees etc etc

I have written her one letter, after this happened (it was all very sudden, and she left our house and took our son), basically saying I love her, and would like to work this out. I have also sought legal advice in terms of our son, and have spoken to her rarely. I tried to also talk to her about us, and she simple replied with 'i dont love you anymore' and 'its over, has been for a long time'. Since then, I recently sent her another letter (weekend just passed) and said in there that I need to stop contact with her, for my own sake, because it is too painful, dont want to be involved in her situation and if she ever wants to talk about us I am here.

There is a ton of evidence that she is seeing someone else (no, it is not just in my head), including mass amounts of conversations and text messaging. I have asked her if she was seeing someone else about a week ago, and she didnt really reply, so therefore I do not know for sure (but she would not tell me anyway).

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Have you read "Surviving An Affair"?
Call Marriage Builders and get an appointment ASAP! (see below)

Basically, it has only been 3 weeks.
What has only been three weeks? Since she left?

I need to stop contact with her, for my own sake, because it is too painful, dont want to be involved in her situation and if she ever wants to talk about us I am here.
What is too psineful? Simply that she is not there?
Since it has only been three weeks, I would advise you to resume contact with her.
Keep it very, very light (how's our son doing and how's work going type of stuff) and don't try to get her to come home or not divorce you, etc.

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I am in Australia, so it is a little difficult to call MB and do counselling over the phone <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Yes, she up and went 3 weeks ago, no prior warning, just basically left work in the morning, opened up a new bank account, transferred our joint money into it and moved to her parents. She later came back that night to collect our son.

Its painful, because she is not around, and she refuses to talk to me about any of it. In a way I have given up trying to reconcile with her, simply because I get abused or ignored. When we do talk it is mostly strictly business, and I am nice enough to her on the phone, but once again she is agressive, short and rude.

I really do not know what to do! I am 28, and she is 23. Part of me things she is doing this, because she has realised how young she is, and maybe the pressures of marriage, a young child, part-time work + other commitments has gotten to her. I have always supported her in everything that she does, but she feels controlled by me, and thinks I consistently keep tabs on her. I have tried to show her through these last 3 weeks that I do not, but it does not seem to be doing much good (if any).


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