I'm new here and this is my first posting. I've been married for 9 months. I have a 5 month old daughter. Both wife and daughter are on vacation. While on vacation I was surfing porn online and even sent a lustful message to a stranger and asked if she would meet strangers like myself. Somehow the her reply was forwarded to my wife! I got caught! I was mortified!
I felt so guilty, stupid, etc. I ruined my wife's vacation and our marriage. She's still overseas and will be back in less than a week, but already told me that I should start packing -- she's leaving me.
I'm devastated. I love her and have prayed for forgiveness and another chance. I know that if she takes me back my bond for her will grow. I truly love her and don't know what possessed me to do what I did (I don't honestly believe that I would follow through had the 'sex stranger' replied affirmatively.) Although I don't believe I have an addiction to porn i have volunteered to talk to a councellor/therapist just in case. I don't think I am addicted because this was a random incident. Though I did engage in naughty behaviour online before i started dating my wife, I have not done what I did ever since. I have behaved in a manner that has given her reason to question my honesty, so this incident has really tarnished any hope of having her regain my trust.
I don't want to go on forever, but would like some advice:
What should I do when I pick her up at the airport and drive her home?
What should I say when we meet again?
What are the chances of a person who says they are leaving actually changing their mind?

Feeling lonely and desperate for advice

<small>[ December 06, 2004, 10:59 PM: Message edited by: rebuilding007 ]</small>

rebuilding007 - You are lucky to have found this site. As to your wife changing her mind, yes, it is possible. My wife did much worse and for a long time I had kept the door open to her. Your wife will be understandably angry, dissappointed and shocked at your behaviour. Try and put yourself in her shoes, how would you have felt if it was her doing the same to you?

You will need to try very hard to win back her trust and confidence back. You will definitely need to eat some humble pie and have lots of patience. Although you did not "physically cheat" on her, what you did is probably no better in your wifes eyes.

I am not sure what to tell you other than the above, but you do need to make her realise that it was a mistake and that you were lucky to be caught before anything more happened. Hopefully you will get another chance, and hopefully you won't disappoint her.

Rebuilding, maybe you can start communicating with your W about this before you pick her up from the airport? You really sound remorseful… Maybe you can send her a sincere, heartfelt & honest letter on e-mail and tell her exactly how you feel and how repentant and remorseful you are. Tell her you’re willing to do anything to make amends for the pain and damage you caused her and you’re willing to do anything to recover this marriage and fix yourself so that something like this will NEVER happen again... Maybe a letter like this will open the door and give you an opportunity to have a heart-to-heart talk with your W when you meet her again… What do you think?

<small>[ December 07, 2004, 04:43 AM: Message edited by: Suzet* ]</small>

Dear Rebuilding,
Married 9 months and a father of a 5 month old? This is shameful and sad! Just wondering, did your wife know about your destructive on-line habits before she married you? If not, this may give way for her to annul this marriage. If it has been a habit of yours to actively fulfill your sexual desires by going on-line or by using other means, then, she should leave you. You may have been scared off this behavior for a while, but it is highly unlikely that you will not try this again. Why? Because unlike SUZET*, I do not read any remorse in your post. I just read regret that you got caught. And in the future, you will just be more careful. Offering to meet a stranger for sex is quite bold. How desperate are you? Are you insecure? Do you have sexual desires that are so illicit you cannot share them with your wife? Or is it the novelty of being with other women. Are you not a one-woman man? You need to figure this out before you try to seek help in conning your wife into staying with you. Yes, you are a con. This may sound harsh, but I am sure your wife’s life has been devastated. A woman with a newborn and a cheating husband is not a happy place to be. I am curious, has she kicked you out yet? What has happened? Has she tormented you? Has she told your family? Your friends? Has she been crying day and night? What did you end up telling her? Did you come clean about everything or did you only admit to what she found out? Is there more? Why do you want to stay with her now, if you left her to be with someone else? What if the stranger had said yes? You say you wouldn’t have, then why ask? Be honest!! If not with your wife, then at least with yourself and us, you are anonymous!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by rebuilding007:
<strong> I'm new here and this is my first posting. I've been married for 9 months. I have a 5 month old daughter. Both wife and daughter are on vacation. While on vacation I was surfing porn online and even sent a lustful message to a stranger and asked if she would meet strangers like myself. Somehow the her reply was forwarded to my wife! I got caught! I was mortified!
I felt so guilty, stupid, etc. I ruined my wife's vacation and our marriage. She's still overseas and will be back in less than a week, but already told me that I should start packing -- she's leaving me.
I'm devastated. I love her and have prayed for forgiveness and another chance. I know that if she takes me back my bond for her will grow. I truly love her and don't know what possessed me to do what I did (I don't honestly believe that I would follow through had the 'sex stranger' replied affirmatively.) Although I don't believe I have an addiction to porn i have volunteered to talk to a councellor/therapist just in case. I don't think I am addicted because this was a random incident. Though I did engage in naughty behaviour online before i started dating my wife, I have not done what I did ever since. I have behaved in a manner that has given her reason to question my honesty, so this incident has really tarnished any hope of having her regain my trust.
I don't want to go on forever, but would like some advice:
What should I do when I pick her up at the airport and drive her home?
What should I say when we meet again?
What are the chances of a person who says they are leaving actually changing their mind?

Feeling lonely and desperate for advice </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">