If you tell and re-tell your story about your A, is that a form of unwillingness to move on?

There are people who take advantage of every possible ear to bend when it comes time to tell their sob-story (or tragedy, as the case may be).

Can you consider yourself in recovery if you are doing this? Why is it so necessary for (some) people to tell and re-tell the saga?

It's theraputic. I don't see any reason to hurry moving on. Better to grieve properly than to stuff it all.

GC

No, I think that it is normal for the BS to need to do this, it certainly was in my case.

Chances are that they are hurting badly and need a sympathetic ear to bend. I know that I was willing to talk to anyone or anything that didn't run off when I started talking. Took about 4 - 5 months of this before I felt better and realised how boring it must have been for everyone around me.

Certainly in my case I wanted to move on, needed to move on, but as the BS my WS was making it impossible for me to move on by her continued contacts.
I did read somewhere that if you continue to obsess about it for longer than 6 months after the A has stopped, then you should seek help. Having said that, I would seek help right from the start as I did...

I think its classic PTSD. You need to tell and re-tell the story until it eventually loses "power." I know I have told it so much that I am pretty much sick to death of it. LOL I only post certain details that may pertain to a particular post's question so that maybe it might help. I know it helps newbies to hear that someone, somewhere is/has gone through what they are going through and it can get better. I know that helped me when I first arrived here.

I am sure some stay stuck in the story as maybe a way of avoiding the actual 'work' that forgiving and recovery takes. Maybe we are all guilty of that at one point (oo,oo, me, me!) during the rebuilding. What helps me when I get stuck at something is I ask, "What's MY payoff for holding onto this?" Sometimes it takes me a while to figure it out and finally let go, and sometimes its immediate.

Telling the story is essential to the grieving process, IMHO.

A little context to the question would be helpful...

are you saying that you two are in 'recovery' and he's telling everyone and their mother?

don't have a clear picture of your question...

ark

I haven't retold my story in months. I've dragged out examples for others when asked but my 'story' I've only ever told out 'live' on here , to my Brother and to my best friend.
In fact....it might really help me to write it out, start to date.

I might get around to doing that one day.