Well, looks like DV soon. Court date is the 17th, my WW's birthday. Well, I was hoping she'd make some attempt at stopping this and working on our marriage, but its not looking so good at this point. I was hoping she'd make the first attempt at least postponing DV. I don't know if I should try to stop it at this point or not. I know I don't want a DV, but it takes 2 to be in a marriage. WW has not given any indication on wanting to salvage anything...

She's in a rough situation now. She kicked OM out about a month ago. She went on vacation with the kids and now she's struggling financially. I know one of her emotional needs was financial security and being able to go to school. She has pretty much gone down hill since she left. I was hoping she would realize how well she had it when we were together, but she either doesn't realize it or won't show that she does because of stubborness...

Question for you out there. Should I make the first step and ask her to postpone DV until we are both sure this is what we want? I think in time she may come around with OM out of the picture. I'm just not sure how she feels at this time. If I knew she had some doubts, even very small ones, I'd want to put things off a little longer. I know people say that you can remarry later if you work things out, but I don't want to have to do that. I think it would be harder to commit after going through with DV. I hope someone can give me some good insight. Yes, I know I'm terrible at making decisions and maybe that's one of the reasons WW left... Anyway, any input would be appreciated...

<small>[ December 07, 2004, 07:38 AM: Message edited by: lost-without-her ]</small>

lostwith..

I know you are sad... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

are you two talking at all now..
and what is the tone and what are the conversations about...

ark

ark^^ No, we're not talking. Since going into plan B ages ago, we have not spoken except for things we had to talk about... Very brief and to the point. Maybe I should break the ice? I just don't know how she feels at all....

i don't know lostwith..
what would you LIKE to say to her...

Hi Lost
Sorry to hear about your pain and DV is in the works but you may be able to drag it out if your not ready, I was told that when you go before the judge you can say that you dont think your M is
irretrievible broken and they would stop dv or suggest counciling, If you have a lawyer ask him about your state laws and get informed of your rights.
Hope it helps

lost-without-her,

Does she know that you will take her back if she is willing to work on M ?, i.e. Do you give her plan B letter ?.

If you did ... there is not much to say unless you want to get hurt again.

-rh-

ark^^ There are things I'd like to ask her. First, I'd like to know if she really still wants this DV. If not, would she be willing to start to work on our marriage, maybe take 6 months to start to communicate again and if nothing else, work through the problems and get closure. If we could do that and we still ended up in DV, at least we'd have a better starting point for both of our lives...

confused04, I'm sure I could put the DV off, but I don't want to if WW is not somewhat committed to at least working through our problems... I live in Alaska and it wouldn't be hard to postpone things... I just don't want to get a DV and later find that maybe we could have worked things out...

redhat, I did give WW a plan B letter many moons ago. I'm pretty sure she doesn't have that letter any more. We have been through several attempts at reconciliation, but OM was always in the way. I'm pretty sure the affair has come to a close and she is done with OM. (I think so anyway, but I may be wrong). I feel that if OM were gone and we worked things through slowly, we may have a chance. I don't want her to move back in right now. I want to slowly get reacquainted with her and maybe start doing things together and hopefully some of the old feelings would come back. Maybe I'm just the eternal optimist here, but I don't want to make a big mistake that I'll regret later...

She has a last chance on the court. The judge will ask each of you if you want Dv. However if OM is out ... do what you have to do. Test the water and see if it is cold or warm but don't put out much hope.

-rh-