Hi Everyone, I haven't posted for a very long time. My D-day was sometime on or around October 14, 2002 (yes that long ago) and we're not divorced, but separated. My children and I are doing incredibly well. I returned to school and managed two A's while working full time, taking care of the children (and all their activities) and our home. I'm quite proud of "our" accomplishments. H is still living and in a full-blown relationship with the OW (living in her home). As of late, my WH has been suffering the effects of his A and has been trying (or so he says) to make things better. Of course the old saying Actions speaks louder than words, so I pay no attention really. We made one very pathetic attempt at reconciling, as he couldn't stop the contact, not for one very minute. I have been in Plan B for months now, and have no interest in speaking with him, so it is quite easy.

Yet, I'm really curious as to why my WH continues to make promises that he cannot keep. He literally babbles about how much he misses this and that, yet, refuses to take any steps. My questions is a "psychological" one really, as I feel that this man has screwed himself up mentally from the things he does and continues to do. He even goes as far to say that the relationship is crumbling; yet to hear the OW (and I will not disclose how I heard this) seems as happy as can be. Yes, it cause a twinge of pain, more anger really because the only person to make this better, H, refuses to. My concern is, Why does he continue to do this? To keep his options open? Because he is so used to lying? It is just really strange. I laugh it off, and at times feel like running to the local commuity college to take a course on Behavior Psychology....I feel sad for him because he has really lost everything, states he knows this, but completely ignores the fact that he is the only one to do something about it. Oh well, I guess that her feelings and his concern for her well-being far exceed those for his children and his wife. At one time, the pain was intense, now I kinda feel sorry that he will suffer in the end for such a poor choice of priorities and loyalty.

I would love feedback on this.....thanx...kim

Hi Kim,

Good to hear from you. Glad to know you and your family are doing well. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

As for the foghead, well they can be a stubborn lot but if that is their choice, remember we can't control them so you all get to sit on the sidelines and watch or move forward with casual glances. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

There is no sane or logical explanation. No benefit of the doubt because there is no doubt he has lost it. Just a matter of how much or when. Spending $$ even on counseling for him is futile at this time. Just gotta ride out the storm.

The important thing is that you and the children are in a place of safety and how you can make that safe place a comfortable home. Which you are already doing so well. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Even through the fog the WS will see that he couldn't drag you into his mess. It is becoming more and more evident it is his mess not yours.

Bottom line, you will feel sorry for his unwise and needless demise but there isn't much you can do about it....yet.

take care,
L.