much has happened in the past 3 days. my wh went crazy on me. i told him on his vm that he needed to make a decision between me or her and take all the time he needed away from me. Well his mom went to see him said she helped clean my house --dishes were clean --he fliped on her wanted to know if i moved his tools and if my dad installed the dishwasher. I did not know all that had gone on --I proceed to call the ow mom to tell about the A. So After doing that I don't want a confrontation and decied to sleep at a neighbors. my H starts calling me and yelling at me about the tools and dishwasher and tells me I better be home. Well I didn't and nobody would tell him where i was. The next morning I go home to find all the doors screwed shut -the new diswasher thrown out the door and the wheels taken off of my minivan. I called the police got report was told I can not do anything because it is his property too. I talke to wh -- and go see him--I go home with the kids and proceed to have 2 days of discussions of divorce or mc -- I found out through his tears the OW had an abortion --which he denies ever telling me now. He yelled and screamed at me and loved me and held me close. He told me he could not understand why I wanted him to end all contact with OW that he would just be a depressed mess. We should just go back to the way things were or separate -- he would have a separate room in the house. When I told him he could have everything just have the lawyer draw it up -- he started with his demands. That I could not stay at my parents more than one night, that I was never aloud to see or talk to my neighbor and my son will no longer be able to see her son his friend. That I will quick deed the house over to him and still live there paying his mortgage. This was told to me in a yelling matter. He had previously cut the phone line so I could make no calls. We went outside because he was going to let me go to my doctors and he was putting the wheels back on my van. He kept on and I kept thinking this is not right he can't do this. Thank god my mom was driving by to check on me and my dd and I jumped in her van and went to get my ds out of school. I am scared now even though he has not physically hurt me.

Sorry for this being long -- Any comments or suggestions would be helpful. We are at my moms house but are on pins and needles everytime I hear a car go by.

Tdr

<small>[ December 16, 2004, 12:26 PM: Message edited by: tdr ]</small>

bump I would not touch this with a 10 ft poll either

<small>[ December 07, 2004, 05:13 PM: Message edited by: tdr ]</small>

tdr,

Your husband is extremely abusive. You need to seek professional help, perhaps from a woman's shelter, about leaving him for good.

I think there is little hope for a marriage with a man who will dictate when you can see your parents, denies your son his friendship, demands that you deed the house to him yet still pay the bills, removes the tires from your vehicle and throws a perfectly good dishwasher out the door.

He sound manipulative, uncaring and downright dangerous, tdr. I think the sooner you can get away from him, the better. I am sorry.

He's the one having the affair and he's making demands of YOU? Please. Get out. If you want to enter counseling with him later, fine. But get out now. I am serious.

~ Snow

TDR,

He sound manipulative, uncaring and downright dangerous, tdr. I think the sooner you can get away from him, the better. I am sorry.

Sounds like a total whack job to me!! Psycho ward/cookoos nest time. Like he is having a breakdown.

Stay away from the boy.

k

thank you I know this sound crazy -- but I have been in different degrees of this situation and I don't know what is normal or not.

I would get a restraining order and put him out of the house. In California you can get one for free just by going before a judge. His behavior is scary and you and your kids should not have to put up with it.

Then get a lawyer, don't sign everything over to him. He has you intimidated, and not thinking right.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by tdr:
<strong> thank you I know this sound crazy -- but I have been in different degrees of this situation and I don't know what is normal or not. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">tdr,

NONE of this is "normal" behavior. None of it. You will just have to trust me on that one. Please, I urge you to look in your phone book for a battered women's shelter in your area. They will help you learn more about the danger you are in and help you formulate a plan to leave.

~ Snow

oh hell---where are you, im sure one of us would be willing to come get you. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

What is your mother telling you? Report the incident to the police? Even if they can't do anything at the moment, at least it is on record.

You can even ask for a civil standby escort fro the police to go and get your things. They may not be able to help you pack or even carry things out but at least their will be there to provide protection. My instinct is that if he is there while you are there with the police, he may give them reason to arrest him.

WS' walk the edge between freedom and being arrested quite frequently. In your case he has crossed the line and now needs to prove it to the officers.

Be safe. Don't be around him alone. Protect yourself and your children. He has displayed violent actions and even if he says he is sorry, he now has to show his repentance not just with words but with convincing deeds and then some.

IMHO,
L.

thanks all

I feel a little safer here -- my h has changed his tune via messages that he wants to handle this amicably. I am going to go tomorrow and get a temporary protective order. I have a call in to the officer who took the previous report so I can get another that my h psychologically held in prisoned me for 2 days.

Well I got the order which will go into affect when he is served. I think I have just created an all out war. And why does the OW have to have a family with a ton of legal background
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> I am scared. And now all I can think about is writing her parents or calling them and telling them what there daughter (ie the abortion) and who she is involved with. Will I ever be able to let go.

Its over and I keep thinking Plan A/Plan B.

<small>[ December 08, 2004, 11:40 AM: Message edited by: tdr ]</small>

tdr,

Like crushed said, your H is total whack job. I'm sorry, no one in their right mind behaves like you've described. It is very abusive.

Don't even think about Plan A or B. They don't work with abusers.

You should get as far away from this guy as you legally can. Start a journal documenting his behavior. Make sure you respect the TRO as well as he does. It's maddening for law enforcement when a wife swears out a TRO then turns around and invites H over for dinner.

Your H needs treatment. This not normal behavior.

Low

tdr,

Don't contact the OW's parents. Right now her abortion issue will just cloud over the real issue of your family being safe.

If the parent's don't know their daughter keeps losing her clothes all over town, then they have other issues on their plate and probably won't listen to what you have to say. At least not enough.

Concentrate on your family's safety right now.

Have you been in contact with the woman's abuse hotline in your area and setup a plan? Are you family/friends part of your backup plan?

L.

TDR,

How are you doing today?

L.

My H has not been served the TPO yet -- he is hiding out. I have heard from him everyday except yesterday and today. He has left vm & text messages. The messages are saying everything I want to hear. The 1st couple of days were I'm sorry, ILY, lets get MC, I will end contact. Then please call me lets do this amicably for the kids sake. I actually called him on Tuesday against orders--(I have been frustrated because we have open items bills, property, kids etc.) I kept it short -- he said he was sorry - lift the order -- lets not pay for 2 lawyers. I told him to call me in the am --he never did. Now I am in limbo -- I want to lift the order. I feel like it is extreme -- our court date has been moved to the 4th because he was not served. Everyone wants me to keep the order but I want to drop it -- I don't know what to do. I know it is over, I will file for a divorce but the sick thing is its not over the abuse but over the A. The utter knowledge that it was true stabs my gut more then his demands and control. I think I need a new IC. -She wants me to find that content feeling you get when you are with someone who loves you and go to it when I am hurting --yea right did I ever have that feeling.

Anyway it feels better writing this all out.

TDR

You are willing to drop the paperwork over a few phone calls? If so, what do you really think will surface? Is he truly remorseful? If so, you should see some hard undeniable actions to match.

Move forward cautiously. I think he is playing his minimal hand hoping you'd give up all of yours and you'll be back to square 1 minus 10.

JMHO,
L.

You are probably right. thank you -- I am truly fighting the urge to call him.

I talked to him yesterday. He was very reserved he let me push buttons and said lets not argue. He wants to DV or stay married on paper, if we need to go to IC or MC to stay friends for the kids then lets do it. He wants the unnecessary order removed he was sorry for what he did - "u know how I am i blow off steam and then everything was ok. I went over board on what I said because I was hurting". I told him I would consider lifting the order -- when I said I did not want the OW around my kids he was silent.

I know it is over but boy does it hurt. This truly stinks. How am I going to let go?