WS, Xws or Spouse ..... when posting should we be specific about the status of our partner as a Ws, Xws or Spouse (h/w)?

RE: Some of these posts are getting quite difficult to decipher. Makes it hard to know whether we are writing to a BS dealing with a stubborn WS, xWS gone bad, spouse or whatever. Some posts say my WS and I had a great weekend. How is that possible? Did the spouse peek out for the weekend and that is who you had a great time with? How great could it be if the WS popped out in a few hours or the next day, week, month....? If that is great how would you describe it if they permanently made these changes and treating the family in a decent loving manner was the norm instead of the exception?

This is a single question poll. Your answers and additional comments are greatly appreciated.

Mahalo,
L.

<small>[ December 07, 2004, 04:55 PM: Message edited by: Orchid ]</small>

Hi Orchid, my only question is when is it determined that they are xWS's? What about false recoveries?

Vote button didn't work for me.

Let me suggest also that we be gender neutral when asking general questions. WS and OP - NOT WH and OW which is BY FAR the most common terms used. There ARE some male BSs here. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

WAT

Sabot,

Good question and the following is JMHO. ok? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

WS: engaged in the A. No regard for morals, family, friends, work, God, finances,etc. No trust. No recovery. No family or marital bond exists.

Xws: disengaging from the A. Subject to withdrawal. Borderline at best on regards for morals, family, friends, work, God, finances, etc. Restoring of trust is work in process. Recovery can be false at this point but so can progress. Recovery can seem one sided but the xws learns from their mistakes and is making noticeable progress. WS admits and puts his recovery words into action.

Spouse: A is dead. Trust has been restored to the point where the A is not a constant reminder. Where plans for the future is secure from a trusting spouse. Filling of ENs are a normal part of life. No push me/pull me syndrome. Both partners are working together as one. Evident to all both inside and out.
Recovery is a part of their everyday life. Conflict avoiding is either gone or minimized. Each helps the other. A bond is growing.

A person (WS, xws) can go back and forth between the 2 phases.....to me this is critical for a BS to understand because this means that it does matter when plan A or plan B is enacted. if the timing is not right, this c/b another factor to why plan A is sooo confusing to many a BS here.

JMHO,
L.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by worthatry:
<strong> Vote button didn't work for me.

Let me suggest also that we be gender neutral when asking general questions. WS and OP - NOT WH and OW which is BY FAR the most common terms used. There ARE some male BSs here. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

WAT </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Hi Wat,

Can you please try again? The poll posting worked for me and you know how 'puter anal I can be. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I agree with the gender neutral but that is probably easier for the postes to call their OPs OW or OM, etc. Just a thought.

Thanks for responding. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

L.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by worthatry:
<strong>Let me suggest also that we be gender neutral when asking general questions.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Only G.I. Joe is gender neutral (although he tries very hard not to be) <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />