There comes a day in each of us, that we realize we are better off without our WS. Some may bolt the day after d-day; whereas, others can endure the pain for many months.

For me, my breaking point was after a 5 mo rollercoaster from hell. After lie, after lie. After hearing I really am going to make my marriage work this time, time and time again. After WS and OM, evacuates the state with my little boys for 3 days. After hearing her talk about me to OM like I am a piece of s**t.

And to think, last night I was going to give her a real chance, b/c for some reason I believed her again even with her not being v. remorseful. I asked her to tell me one thing, so I can began to regain trust. Well you guessed it, she lied again.

You know what? I didn't want her anyway. I should have her beg me. Rationally, I understand that doesn't always happen, and marriages are still saved. But I deserve it after so much abuse and disrespect. My WW does not have the ability to do that anyway.

After looking back on our 12 yr R, I don't think my WW trully loved me anyway. I was a rebound, your typical nice guy. She was looking for a man to marry and have children with. Nothing was ever good enough for her, to a point. Our friendship could have definitely been better.

Now after my fog clears, I see what type of person my wife really is: insecure, selfish, and irresponsible, when it comes to paying for her mistakes, and spoiled with a huge lack of character. Think of a spoiled child, and that’s her.

So, enough is enough.

I can see myself v. happy with someone else. And I can always tell my boys I tried. WW cannot say the same.

D will be filed on Monday. And I see a bright future ahead of me.

Numb, I have thoughts like this several times a day. Most of the time, I'm thinking about what I want from WH and marriage. Generally, it's positive. I've only been going through this a month. You've given it 5 months. Have you done any IC or MC? Are you really at the end of the road? What about your kids? I like MB because it gives you hope and the tools to save your marriage. Some can, some can't.

Just make sure you're positive and it's not just a bad day. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> Vent away!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> For me, my breaking point was after a 5 mo rollercoaster from hell. After lie, after lie. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I am so with you on this one. 5 months for me too, so far, and lie after lie. I will try this last time. I do not think I can keep trying for much longer. It takes two. Good luck!

Thanks for replying.

I'm sorry to hear that anyone has been through what I have been through.

Now my WW says she really wants to make it work. We had an emotional talk last night. I don't know what it is, but when I am hugging her, I really want her back. Then, during the day when I am away from her, I think differently. I guess there is still love there for her.

So, I guess one last chance. I don't want any regrets.

Something that I haven't mentioned is that I have been talking to another woman for the last month. I think this has caused me to view a future with out my WW. I have stopped talking to her today, for her and me. I am going to give it 100%. Practice what you preach. Right?

Can things get better? I'm not sure, but I hope so. The success stories I read here are a very big factor in that hope.

Also, something that I have noticed, that may help ya'll, is that when my WW noticed that I had one foot out the door, she changed her tune. I think it is v. important not to let WS think that they can keep getting away with it. At the same time I know down deep my wife doesn't want to end her M. So, once I let her know that I was on the way out, she did act like it was OK, but then she came to me. What a good feeling.

Good luck and God bless.

Numb, so did you tell her you would give her one more chance? Is it necessary to file for D. Why not just plan B?

Duplicate

<small>[ December 09, 2004, 03:48 PM: Message edited by: Bear04 ]</small>

SoNumb,

I reached my limit after 8 months of lie after lie. Lies told to my face, lies told over the phone. lies told to her family, lies told to my family, lies to clergy, lies to almost everyone that cares and loves her, and most of all lies to herself.

The last one sealed our M 's fate. M can not exist as a single person dynamic.

Bear04 said exactly what I was thinking.

Your love bank is depleted.
Your W continues to cake eat.

Plan B, not D.

SoNumb, my 'enough is enough' was last week <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />
after xH spending Thanksgiving with OW and then on Tuesday saying he was going to work ... he wasn't, he was with at OW's house.
We are currently divorced. I'm doing Plan B.
(((good luck)))

I think I gonna change my screen name. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> Just dont like the sound of it.

Anyway, Yes I told her that I would give it 100% b/c I dont want to regret it. But now that she knows I am seriously considering D and that I have been speaking to another woman(which I have ended by the way) she knows she cant get away with it anymore.

My Plan B is D. I will not allow her to sleep with another man. NO WAY! And IMO that's what plan B allows.

Bear, I have been following your story, but may not be that up to date. So, take this for what it is worth. ACT like you dont need her and that you will be fine without her, show confidence and start talking to women (and let her find out). She may not think she wants you, but she doesn't want anyone else to have you either. This will also help you gain confidence in yourself and you will KNOW you could be happy without her.

DON'T LET HER THINK THAT SHE CAN GET AWAY WITH IT!
THEY WILL CAKE EAT AS LONG AS THEY CAN.

Good Luck!

Cy and Mily, ditto my ww has also lied to everyone under the sun. What was your WS's reaction to D. Do they now see reality and feel regret?

thanks for the replies.

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> Not really ... still in fog and with OW.... going to IC though ... no show of regrets

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by SoNumb:
Anyway, Yes I told her that I would give it 100% b/c I dont want to regret it. But now that she knows I am seriously considering D and that I have been speaking to another woman(which I have ended by the way) she knows she cant get away with it anymore.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Careful, it sounds like her reaction is one born out of fear and not one born out of love. Fear is temporary and once it subsides, she MAY go back to her old ways, so don't get your hopes up until you see her actions prove to you which one it truly is.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">My Plan B is D. I will not allow her to sleep with another man. NO WAY! And IMO that's what plan B allows.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">WRONG! FYI you can't stop her from having sex with the OM, whether or not your are in Plan A/Plan B. Unless you plan on holding her prisoner, she'll have sex with OM if she wants it bad enough. The ONLY thing YOU can allow/not allow is whether or not you want to continue being her H.

Let me remind you that Plan B stops your WW cake eating, forces the OM to meet ALL of her EN, and gives her a taste of what life will be like if the two of you divorce. The problem with Plan B is that if your WW doesn't want to leave the house, you can't force her out, unless you file for separation or divorce [depending on the state you live in] and petition the court to give you the sole right to inhabit the home. So seeking legal counsel first is a must if you want to implement Plan B.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">ACT like you dont need her and that you will be fine without her, show confidence and start talking to women (and let her find out). She may not think she wants you, but she doesn't want anyone else to have you either. This will also help you gain confidence in yourself and you will KNOW you could be happy without her.

DON'T LET HER THINK THAT SHE CAN GET AWAY WITH IT!
THEY WILL CAKE EAT AS LONG AS THEY CAN.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I wholeheartedly agree with this behavior and I've even recommended to other BS whose WS affair is ongoing BUT for the purposes of saving and rebuilding the marriage, it is insufficient if the BS is unwilling to take action [file for separation or divorce] when the WS breaks the promise of NC time and again. Don't let yourself be deceived by the powerful feeling of empowerment that in and of itself will be enough to make things to fall into place, because as you've already seen with your own eyes, it is not. Deal breakers [writting a NC letter to the OM that YOU will mail to him; willingness on her part to do her part of the work in following an MB marital recovery plan; willingness to adhere to mutual accountability by becoming an open book to you [without becoming defensive]] are a MUST and so are the consequences of breaking them [separation or divorce] otherwise you will only be setting yourself for a string of false recoveries.

TMCM

TMCM, Thanks for you reply.
I know I cant stop her from having sex w/OM, but what I am saying is that I will not allow her to have sex w/OM while married to me.

Maybe she is fearful, but I know she still loves me, she has said so. Also, it really bothers her that I've been talking to someone else. she is v. jealous.

She will not leave the house w/o the boys, and even if she did, she wouldn't move in w/OM. The problem with separation is that her relationship w/om wont change a whole lot. I stil will have the boys a few days of the wk. She will have time away from them to be w/him, eventhough she will miss them.

One of her biggest fears is losing the family life and the house.

Since, she works with OM, although doesn't really have to have contact w/him except for bumping into him in the hall, I don't believe she could get through withdrawal and inturn start up A again. He also is v. persistant, making it a point to go talk to her. Oh, and she wont quit either.

Today, I feel that she will not stop even if she wants to. Hell, she spoke to him yesterday. I guess there is a time that you just have to take the leap b/c you know it's inevitable.

thanks again