I guess I'm not sure where my marriage is headed after a year of this he!!, but I have discovered many things about myself that will help me no matter what. Some may sound bitter, but they are not meant to be:
1. My biggest problem is that I have never valued myself as a person worthy of respect and care from anyone. I always expect to be the giver and the pleaser. I'm still working on eliminating that feeling and being a little more realistic.
2. My other problem is that I believe what people say even if their actions are contrary because I am a conflict avoider. I'm afraid that people will not like/love me if I confront them on their actions.
3. I trust too naively and completely when I should make people earn that trust. I don't expect people to hurt me on purpose.
4. I worry too much about the needs of others and too little about my needs - if at all. I think I have an unspoken expectation that the people that I love will be equally as concerned about my needs as I am about theirs - nothing could be further from the truth. Most people are selfish and will put their own needs first, even people that love you.
5. I will still maintain that I am not a perfect wife, but I did my best and it wasn't good enough for him. I will NEVER take responsibilty for my H's affair though and that is something that took me a while to accept - it was NOT my fault the he made a bad choice. It is NOT my fault that he has to live with the consequences of his actions and I will not protect him by stuffing my feelings so that he doesn't feel bad. He SHOULD feel bad and he needs to understand that this will not go away on it's own.
Just my little therapy vent. Thanks for listening - although I seem to be a threadkiller these days. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />
