Okay...*deep breath*
I feel like moving to another COUNTRY!

My WH is still out to sea, until tomorrow and has not recieved the Plan B letter yet. He will get the letter either tomorrow or Friday.
I have not cut all communication since he has not gotten the letter, but I HAVE kept all communication via e-mail BREIF and to the point. He asked if I was staying here or going to Maine for the holidays, I simply answered. He said he was sorry for hurting me, and that we would have ended up getting a DV even without the OW.. Whatever. No arguing, no getting along either.
I told him I didn't want to talk anymore, because I was busy, and that was the last I heard from him.

I talked to my inlaws today (they DO NOT like to talk about the whole issue) and had a nice talk with them about the holidays etc. They are not proud of their son, but they are not upset with him either. They aren't here, so they don't SEE what is going on, and of course they take his side of the story for truth.

Well about 6:30 I get an IM from the OW Yahoo messanger (She seems to create a new name everytime I block one) Basically she used every curse word, said I am vindictive and belong in a mental hospital, that I trapped my WH to get what I want out of life, fat ***** (I weigh about 75 lbs LESS then her), that my WH can finally run his own life now that he isn't with my moothing [censored], etc. I simply printed it out, and closed the IM. Well I guess that made her mad, so she started CALLING. I didn't answer. I called the police and filed a report over the phone with an officer for the telphone calls. She then SHOWED UP at the door knocking saying "fat ___ answer the door". I again called the cops and they came (she was gone by the time they got here) and filed another report.

What has gone wrong with my WH to think that someone who would treat ANYONE like that is 'the love of his life', let alone the mother of his children and his WIFE?
He wants to marry her, all this crap.
AHHHH!
Danielle

Danielle,

I think you are handling all of this crapola from the OW very well. Print out the stuff she sends you, emails, IMs, everything. Document the phone calls, date, time. Write down every time she shows up. Then take it all to the cops and ask for that RO.

She is one creepy thing with the way she taunts you and bothers you. She is very insecure in her relationship with your H, obviously. Very adolescent behavior. Yuck.

~ Snow

The OW wants to control you. Control over the WS is boring and she is losing her grip. Maybe she doesn't fit into her jeans anymore, maybe she is PMSing, maybe, maybe, maybe...... whatever it is, you realize she is now grasping for straws.

Very similar to PBR (the OW in my case), she sent e-mails and made calls. Never came to my house but I was prepared she might.

You are right to file the report. Make sure the police know about her coming to your home.

You might also forward her IM to the WS and any family members or support people that can handle this info. Let them know that an RO has been filed and if any of them get any contact from this person (id w/name, phone number and description if possible). It will really make the OW look looney. Oh yea, let his parents get a look at your Ws' choices of friends.

JMHO,
L.

She messaged me this morning (NEW name AGAIN) and said that my 'gameplan for Maine isn't going to work but I get an A for effort. (I am taking the kids home for the holidays, and my WH is bringing the OW and her kids home) I am not really sure what she thinks my game plan is. Then she said 'why don't I leave her man, yes my WH alone'
Here is an idea, WHY DOESN'T SHE LEAVE ME ALONE?
She is making me out to be some horrible person who is controling, and vendictive to my parents in law. We have always got along and now she has them convinced that I am evil. They really have no idea... I am the one trying to keep life moving for our children, continue going to college, and work, and pick up the pieces of life--while she gets evicted, has CPS at her door, drunk. Why do I keep trying to prove myself? I feel like I have too....
This women really has a way with words.
Danielle

{{{Danigirl}}}. YIKES! What a pain this psycho is. I have been reading your threads and I can understand your frustration. My WH is in the Navy, too. (Canadian, eh <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> )

Just a few questions. On this thread, a couple of posters have said to print out the messages and forward the IMs to the out-laws, oops, I meant in-laws, etc. Have you done that? Who have you exposed to?

Are you documenting EVERYTHING? Why do you think the ILs think you are at fault in this? Have you told them what has been going on? Like sharing what WH and the psycho bitc# have been doing, etc? Even if they report everything to their whacko son, doesn't mean that they don't deserve to know what is going on. Do they see their granchildren? Does WH have any brothers or sisters?

THey might be able to get through to him. DO they know about his abuse of drugs/alcohol. Do they know about OW losing her apartment? Do they know all of the facts? DO they support his behaviour.

AS far as the IMs are concerned, you are doing great! Don't respond. BUT, report them to the police every time. AND then forward them on to family and other people you have exposed to.

Another thing. Do you have your own home? THat is, is it military housing? Or your own. If it is your own, you need to change your locks. NOW! If you are gone at CHristmas, you might find your place trashed or emptied while you are gone. WH and the pyscho know you won't be there.

If it is military get them to change the locks. Let them know about the RO, etc.

Just MHO but hope this gives you some help.

You are doing very well.

Fighting,
Thank you for the reply. My Inlaws have talked to the OW and apparently she puts on an 'angel act' around them. They believe what their son says, of course. From day one they were not thrilled that my WH and I got married, but they never had a problem with it either. We come from VERY different backgrounds and they had wished he got with someone more 'their' style. We do however get along quite well. My WH has 3 brothers, but they are all teenagers. I told my WH that I was upset that he was giving his parents this distorted view of the situation, and I felt as though I needed to fill them in on the truth. HIs reply was that I was trying to 'start s**t.'
I talked to my inlaws a few days ago and asked my MIL why she had told the OW things about me when she didn't even know the OW. She replied that she didn't tell her anything bad, and she didn't realize the OW was 'that type' I am thinking she meant the type that repeated everything..

My WH does NOT have a key to the house. He gave that back long ago.

I have been keeping a log of all of the events that are going on. The OW had her CHILDREN (10 and 12) calling leaving me messages on my machine saying obseneties and vulgar statements. I saved them all and let the police know. My WHs response to all of this is that I should ignore them and not blame him for their actions because he has no control. I feel like telling him to get his circus clown under control!

My WH still has not gotten the Plan B letter on the ship. (Mail takes forever!) I am hoping tomorrow...

He is taking the OW and her kids to Maine for the holidays and I am taking our kids and we are staying somewhere else. That ought to be fun. (NOT). It is going to be very uncomfortable,trying to avoid them at every step. My WH said this "i know how much you like moodys dinner and if you want to be an adult marci and I can meet you there with the kids to eat when we are home. If you were a more understanding woman you would understand me trying to be happy. guess not though."
Is he CRAZY? When I tell him no thank you he thinks I am being a jerk. Seriously.....
Then the next e-mail is
"is there any way you can pay enough on my cell phone so I can use it? also, i am on duty tomorrow, i wouldn't mind if you brought the kids to the ship to see me"

This is the cell phone account that he turned my phone off and now his bill didn't get paid so they cut his off.

I am looking forward to going home for the holidays, I just wish SHE wasn't going to be at MY FAMILYS!

Danielle

Hey, again Danigirl; Of course he is crazy! He is in deep fog. Plus if he is not on his meds, well that just makes everything worse!

DG, I notice that you keep talking ot hm and telling him what you are going to do. I know how hard it is not to. I just want to smack my Dork over the head and I admit sometimes I say things just to pi$$ him off. But, really, we both know that WHs will freak out or yell at you and they really do not need to know that you plan on telling his parents and brothers anything.

Remember! NEED TO KNOW BASIS. I am sure you have heard that a million times <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

I know you might not have felt like going into details, but you wrote that you ASKED your MIL why she told OW about you? IMHO that is not a good approach. It sounds like a DJ. Even though she shouldn't have said a darn thing IMO. BUt, she has every right to speak to whoever she wants to. Did you let them know what OW and WH have been doing up to today? THat is what you need to do. Not question what or why she talked to OW. THat isn't the point of exposure.

HOw do they feel about their grandchildren?

Ignore your WH when he wants you to pay his phone. He really is whacko! Sorry a DJ on my part, but you know what I mean. WHy would you pay a bill that is taking money away from you and your children to pay for something that ENABLES his A with OW? UH DUH! No-brainer on that one.

In my sitch, I have no positive proof of a EA/PA but I trust my gut. And, I do have access to his account because I pay the bills while he is at sea. So, I take every cent out that doesn't go to bills. No darn way am I paying for his single wannabe lifestyle. He can suck rocks on that one. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

I know he will eventually change his password, but I know he can't do that just yet.

And when he does, I already have a back-up plan in place <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

This is the biggest and hardest game that we will ever play in our entire life. It is a heart and emotional killer. BUt, the stakes are our marriage and your children and even your WH.

So, I try and think of every possibility. ANd I try and always have a backup contingency plan.

That doesn't mean that I will take a lot of BS from him. I have a lawyer and I know what my legal rights are. And I know if he doesn't get out of that fog, within a reasonable time, I am outta here.

I am in pain and cry every day. But, every day, I know what I need to do for me and for DD and even for my Dork. DOes that sound controlling? Yes, in a way, I am. And I am proud of it. I am trying to limit the damage that he in his WH fog is doing to our family. ANd I will protect it until it is time to move on past this. One of us has to be an adult.

Okay enough vent. I had to take a break to wash my very very stinky Giant Schnauzer. EEWWW I have no clue what he got into but my entire house stank when I let him in. BLECH. NOw he smells like Lemons! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

YOu are doing great and you are very strong. Vent away here. There are so many great MB'ers who give great advice. Not necessarily me, I am a sort of newbie. But this is my second time here.
Have a good weekend. I live on th eboards at night as I can't sleep very well, so if you need to talk, I will see ya.

Sweetie -

The answer is easy. Your husband has found "psycho-chick". All you have to do is stay in Plan A, go up to the store, get some popcorn, and stand back and watch.

You need to calmly let this trainwreck happen. You don't need to convince anyone that she is crazy. She will do that all on her own.

I would keep records of her messages to you, and stay clear of her. Put her and WH on the back burner. Just pop up that popcorn, sit back, and relax. This is gonna be a wild show.

Call from the US Govt. "Is Petty Officer ____ there?" This makes me so mad...
"No Mam, he is no longer living here. I could give you his girlfriends number. It is ________."
AHHHHHHHH!

No, he doesn't live here. She will probably call the OW's cell phone to find them DRUNK!

Morals....morals...

Fighting,
I didn't come across like that to his Mom, it just soudned worse on the board because I typed it up so quick.. I try to let his parents know the drama that is going on, but they don't really want to 'get involved'. His parents love, and I mean love our children. They are saddened that he doesn't visit them..

Danielle

<small>[ December 10, 2004, 07:46 PM: Message edited by: DanigirlinVA ]</small>