OK here is the probllem many know my story already....my husband jumped into a relationship pretty damn fast on his own when HE decided that our marriage was over....well he was here for visitation tonight....and he has never called to make plans to spend time other than usual visitation....he asked if he could take DS for an hour or two and go christmas shopping.....I asked will it be just you two....he said no....I said I would like it to be just you two...it's not the appropriate time to introduce your girlfriend to him....and he got argumentative and said when will it be I said we can maybe do a gradual transition after the divorce is final....but during the divorce it's not the time for it....and he won't budge....and he is still holding the you filed for full custody so your taking my son away from me bit....I said no we can work out a schedule...he said no....now he is saying I have to show him proof that the experts say you should wait at least 6 months to introduce a person/interest into a child of divorces life.......can anyone help? Any books to reference....

MHT,

I went and looked on the Dr. Phil website. It seems that this issue is not directly addressed more because contact with OPs should NEVER be allowed. Stepparent guidance is given and they have many restrictions because the of emotional impact.

The point clearly outlined is that the children should have as much stability and normalancy in their lives as possible. 1 father and 1 mother is what s/b in their view. Not OPs.

So ask your WS if he would have liked or how did he like having 2 sets of parents or 3 parents, instead of 1 father and 1 mother.

L.

you know I asked him something similar I asked him if he wanted DS to grow up like he did....because what he is doing...is exactly what his father did to him....then he just uses the tactic of bringing up a similar example of me taking DS to see family or friends...I did call him on it and said I am not introducing him to a love interest which is what you are asking to do....and he starts the cycle all over again....and is still so angry about the full custody thing...he's even asking and crying and begging me to change the papers to say joint custody.....but I just don't trust him with the way he has acted and the things he's done....I mean I begged him last saturday when I was extremely sick I needed help I needed to go to the hospital....and he yelled at me about custody....instead of helping me....then the next day there was a mix up my family somehow thought (even after they were told otherwise and forgot) that I was staying in the hospital.....so they called the hospital and when they had no record of me being admitted for stay they freaked and called me in as a missing person *droop* ....well WH called where I was stayong with family crying because he said he was worried....and tonight he said he was crying because he though I was really missing and he had refused to help me....uh guilt? I just don't know

<small>[ December 09, 2004, 02:29 AM: Message edited by: missinghimterribly ]</small>

Stand your ground to keep your children safe. Prime importance regardless of the selfish whim of the WS.

His actions has to match his words. He can cry buckets but if they don't have matching actions, they are just crocodile tears. Which could mean he has a hidden agenda for wanting those kids and that w/b cruel.

L.

If I refuse to let him take DS unless he is not with OW...can he use it legally?

He probably can try but you can be prepared.

L.

Hey MHT. I am going through a very similar situation with my W. She is extremely upset that I am going for full custody of our kids. She even derailed our shot at reconciliation because I wouldn't sign paperwork ahead of time giving her joint custody. She stopped working on our M because she didn't like the way I would handle things during a D? How's that for backwards!

I think you are doing the right thing by not giving in to this. It is ridiculous that he would want your child to spend time with his GF at this point. The main reason I am going for full custody is because my W kept pressuring me to allow the kids to spend time with her and her OM. That she was actually pushing for this scared me enough to not trust her when it comes to keeping the kids safe and thinking of their needs first. The evidence that this is anything but harmful to kids is beyond dispute. No court is going to look at this situation and punish you for it. It's just going to make him look the fool he is behaving like.

it really worries me...I mean he doesn't think anything will happen if he takes him fom his primary caregiver alone and introduces him to a stranger just because "she's part of his life".....and he's in such a hurry to do it because he says he only has 2 months left then he has no custody because I will have taken him away and no matter how much I tell him no we can work something out he only looks at it that way

bump <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

MTH,
He has 2 months until what???? With his current actions he could have less than 2 days ya know???!?!?

L.

oh he thinks that because I am filing for full custody in 2 months since he has no rights anymore I will take his son away.....oh and did I mention how when we argue or when he is agry rather he tells me he's going to kill himself

more fog babble. As for his suicide threats, mine did that also on severa; occassions.... I spoke to the police and they told me to call 911 the next time it happens. Ok, so it did. WS and OW were at a motel6 less than 1 mile from my office! I was on my way home from work (I live 30 miles from work and OW lives about 8 miles from my work in the other direction), when I got what sounded like a suicide threat (he was angry and said he was going to end it all). What was I suppose to think? So I called 911 (not knowing where he was), gave the officer Ws' cell # and hung up. They locate Ws and send about 4 officers out there. I was on the phone with them having a play by play of the events. They asked me if he had a weapon like a gun, I said no but not sure if the oW carried one. I was really freaking out but the officer calmed me down. I went to pickup our son from the sitters and the sitter and her H helped me cope with this emergency.

OW must have scooted out of there real fast. I then get a call from the OW about how I messed up her plans and ruined her day. How the police said I was stupid, etc. (I knew better) Big deal. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

Ws was mad and claimed not to be threatening suicide and that I blew the whole thing out of proportion. I later called the officer back and she said I did the right thing. I told the officer what the OW had said, the officer said there was no OW when they got there but not to worry. I was not looney tunes. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

The WS looked dishevled and the officers had to make sure he could be safe and checked him for weapons and drugs.

What an experience. So just be prepared to call his 'bluff' just to be safe. It will certainly be a learning experience for them.

L.

If I refuse to let him take DS unless he is not with OW...can he use it legally?

It depends on whether or not you have temporary orders. If the temporary orders state that he is to have visitation and there aren't any other stipulations, then yes, he probably could hold this against you.

If there aren't any temp orders, then it will be up to the judge to decide whether or not you are breaching his rights.

This is one of the reasons that temporary orders are so important.

we haven't even seen a judge yet....basically the papers are filed...and he was reserved with amended papers and has not responded to them and it's been over 30 days....the paper work I filed the first time was for me to have full custody but we have not been given a court date....