Treehouse.....I like that.....up in the moral heights right? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> You have been through a lot of really unfair hands. The positive side is the odds are more and more on your side that something great will happen soon right? There's always a positive side it just gets so dark sometimes that it's hard to see but it is there.

This is one of my favorite verses that I have read over and over in some of my worst moments.

Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for the saints. (Eph.6:10-20, NIV)

Pray for strength and wisdom and He will give it to you.

Take Care,

C.

I just got DSL this afternoon and the installer gave me such a wonderful testimony for healing. He too lost his partner of 13 years to infidelity and struggled with depression. Then he found God. 3 years later he's a happy husband to a new W, he's at peace and his boys have been returned to him.

His ex? Unfortunately, she died this year at 44--on this man's first wedding anniversary. It's a process, he said. I needed that today. God know who to send and when to send them, dosen't he?

BTW the conversation started b/c he noticed that I was posting to this site! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

<small>[ January 04, 2005, 12:56 AM: Message edited by: dleightonc ]</small>

Wow DL. That's amazing. It goes to show you're being looked after...you're never alone.

dlc, that is something. Sort of reminds me of when I met StillSeeking, and it turned out he was friends with OMW's family when she was a child. He worked with car4love's father, way back when.

I've found that when you bring your situation up with new people you meet, there are few people who haven't been at least grazed by infidelity. It's the source of so much pain.

You have good things in your life, DLC. I look forward to the day when you post here about something wonderful happening for you. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

GC

I'm looking forward to that day as well...

When do I stop missing my WxW? When do I stop feeling this anger about the A and its consequences? I don't know if it's the holidays or what, but I'm feeling worse as the days go on.

What do you all do to keep this pain at bay?

Hi Dleigh!

For me it was several different things, and a whole lot of time.

When the pain so was so bad I could barely function, I would literally walk around all day praying for God to please take away my pain, to lift me up and give me peace. And I would recite versus over and over again.

When I got a little bit better, close to actually functioning like a human I started doing what Gimble suggested (thank you Gimble!) which was envision how I wanted to be in a year, how I wanted to look, what kind of person, etc. I am buying new clothes, grew my hair out long - everything I wanted in appearance.

Exercise is VERY important because it get those good happy chemicals in your brain to working again. VERY IMPORTANT.

And mostly Dleigh, happiness/peace in your soul comes from accepting that this is the way it is, the way it is meant to be and to let go and finally to move on.

Takes time guy, and you will get there too, just like all the rest of us that have had to start over. It can be exciting if you embrace it, but I know that is still a little ways off for you.

You're right about the acceptance thing. I may be able to acceot that this is how things are right now, but is this how thing s are meant to be?

The future looks so vague right now. My motivation to look ahead or act counter to this sadness is low. I'm back to forcing myself to exercise. Trying, I'm trying...

My WxW calls me today to talk about X-mas plans. she's a snice as can be. Then in passing she mentions that she would like to take our boys to Va. next month so they can see snow. Guess who lives in Va.

I'm not married any more but that hurts. Seems that she can go on with her life and have the dream, while I feel like I'm starring in the nightmare.

Tell her you'll take them 2 the snow yourself. Sheesh!

Heck, the stuff in VA is probably yellow, anyway! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

-ol' 2long

<small>[ December 14, 2004, 12:42 AM: Message edited by: 2long ]</small>

2long:

I can always count on you to coax a smile from my face. Thanks. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

dleightonc:

My exH and I built a business together--it was his passion, and I was his helper and co-owner. He found his OW through the business. When he moved out-of-state to live with her, within literally a few hours I lost everything that I thought identified me. I was no longer a wife. I lost the business because I couldn't run it without him. I had no job and hence no money. I lost my reputation as a successful businesswoman. I was no longer a "happily married woman" or a "good mother". It was devastating to the core, so I COMPLETELY understand what you are going through.

You ask us to help you with this pain, and you want us to somehow HELP! Here's the thing...I've been where you are and there's not to much we can do. We can write, so that you know you're not alone. We can pray, so that you feel the presence and protection of God. We can encourage or support through our words.

But in the end, it's up to you. You have to do this. We can't do it for ya.

dleightonc, whether you like it or not, your world is changing. I think a good portion of your pain is that you want it to "go back the way it was". Also, there's probably a good portion of grieving for the illusion. See, you had an ILLUSION of what you thought your marriage and family was, and now your ex has demolished that illusion--and you are grieving.

Dude, life is what it is. I know that sounds pretty "philosophical" but the reality is that you are single. Your ex is only involved with you as it pertains to your child. You are a smart, brave, faithful, honest, honorable man who does not have a partner right now.

Now, you can choose to see this reality and hurt and weep and wail--or you can see this reality and see possibilities and potential. Did you know that if you lost your job, it would not be the end of the world? Sure, you would worry about money and all, but your life would go on and you would eventually find another job. You would! Did you know that if you let your ex go, that it would not be the end of the world? Sure, you will miss her and miss the illusion, but your life will go on and you will eventually let yourself be happy again.

Here's some practical advise. Find some friends--at least one or two really good, close friends. Get to know YOURSELF and start to love yourself. You are a wonderful, valuable person and we need you here at MB to help others. And lastly, VOLUNTEER. You will feel SOOOO much better when you see other people's problems and are able to help them.


CJ

CJ:

You're where I want to be. You're right, I'm mourning. Some of it was not an illusion, though. I did have my sons with me everyday. I did have a job I enjoyed immensely and students and staff that appreciated my efforts (in fact several have filed formal protests about my treatment). MY oldest son was happy, b/c he loved being in an intact home. Now he says he's sad b/c "daddy only sees mommy on holidays".

Those realities are hard to lose. Then to see that the last 2 years of my M was a fantasy cuts deeper. My pastor told me yesterday that "when people are in the midst of their pain, they cannot hear principle, truth, or philosophy" That's why platatudes don't work at funerals.

Still, in the midst of my pain, I want you all to know that you ARE helping me by reminding me that there is a better world for me--one I cannot yet see--where I too can be happy.

p.s. Actually, I do volunteer. It helps.

Dleigh,

You're sounding pretty good this a.m.!

I am so very happy you have the little kids. I know it is hard in some ways with kids, and that they don't have it as good as they could have if the family had remained intact, but I don't know how people without kids survive really.

My daughter gave me a reason to live and without her I don't think I would have wanted to.

Have a good day guy!

I'm feeling kinda so-so. i just got a letter from my job giving me an ultimatum: "Take the position or you're terminated." I've prayed on this know that this move is not for me. I'm standing on that position.

I've been with the University of my employ for 13 years, 2 mos., which is exactly how long my marriage lasted. Also pressured to accept the unacceptable w/o room for negotiation. Also had to tolerate the cover stories placed by the other. Dreadful symetry. That first loss, though painful was not fatal. Nor will this be.

I'm gathering myself to get of this depression (haven't spoken to anyone professionally in 10 days). I'll make one last appeal to the powers that be and again, I'll be still. this just can't last forever...

They are getting ready to terminate you anyway. They are building the file in case they want to contest your unemployment. You need to be actively looking for a new job..pronto..yesterday..five minutes ago.

However individuals may feel on a personal level about your situation..you have clearly been affected deeply and your work has sufferred as a result..they now view you as a liability.

I'm very sorry to tell you this..but I don't want you stuck with your hat in your hand..be on the job hunt..seriously.

Well..on the bright side..you said you needed some change. Motivation is on the way <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> Nothing like soul crushing fear..the wolf at the door to get a fire lit under you.

It's a crisis..it's an opportunity..it's both and it sucks but in the final analysis moving on really probably is the best choice any way you slice it.

Good luck, let me know if I can help in any way

Noodle

Hey Dleigh,

I saw you helping someone on the board this morning. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

BTW, if Noodle offered to help me brush up the old resume' and market myself for a new job, I'ld be on it like a fly on honey!

Think about it.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by dleightonc:
<strong> I'm feeling kinda so-so. i just got a letter from my job giving me an ultimatum: "Take the position or you're terminated." </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Someone IS looking out for you. They are practically begging you to quit so that they are not forced to terminate you. Read between the lines. Whomever it is..can not just come out and say it..but giving you a transfer effectively to Siberia or bust..and written and verbal warnings...

..you are on your way out the door one way or the other..and it has been drug out a long time.

You should have been looking with your first written criticism.

Don't feel abandoned, I'm not sure what precisely you do..but there is always a way, if you know where to look, eventually.

Noodle

<small>[ December 15, 2004, 06:40 PM: Message edited by: noodle ]</small>

Are they helping by transfering me or forcing me to leave? I don't understand.

They are helping you by giving you the opportunity to quit rather than be terminated.