Well, it's a small thing and I'm not mad....and I wasn't trying to accuse or blame here. Just that finding out that he keeps some things from me and all the while I'm being told "complete and total honesty" is needed for him to feel "safe"....well, this isn't for you to worry about. Please don't give it another thought.

Onlywords

((((Onlywords)))) If you need anything, just email me (see idjit thread).

I also thought RH had stopped spending time here....gave me the impression he wasn't going to post because of work and stuff.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by onlywords:
<strong> I also thought RH had stopped spending time here....gave me the impression he wasn't going to post because of work and stuff. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I think he just got scared ... and needed to vent his fear.

Pep

Yes, I understand. Guess I was, too.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by onlywords:
<strong> Yes, I understand. Guess I was, too. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">We all get scared sometimes. I'm scared right this minute!
Just love each other. OK?

Pep

pep, why are you scared.

onlywords, fyi: i posted in the other topic again

Onlywords - The only answer is for you to hang out in Idiotville, where we love everyone, and sing and laugh all of the time.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by FinallyLearning-T2M:
<strong> pep, why are you scared.

</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Scared my kid is gonna end up in jail, or dead.... the usual <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Pep

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> yes, i do know that has been a struggle for you, i should of realized. i will put your son in my prayers, may God keep him safe and help him mature.

sidenote: i was surprised you did not post thoughts in my "next level" topic. you were/are not mad at me about anything, are you?

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> Sometimes I just keep quiet and let things unfold naturally ... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> ... and sometimes I don't (but wish I had)... I just had nothing new to add.

Pep

that is true, i got some very good respones, especially from CJ. i printed it all and am reflecting/writing in my journal. i didn't have IC this week so i really appreciated the reponses. i'm glad there was no other reason. take care, i'm going home now <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

RH, Onlywords,

Can I say something to the both of you. NC is very important in recovery and I think you BOTH know this. However, in your situation contact of some sort is going to occur. Some of it will be on the part of RH and some of it will be on the part of Onlywords. With luck and your stated intentions none of it will be intentional or of an merit.

So how are each of you going to handle this? Is it possible that you both need "radical honesty" when it comes to contact? Is it possible that contact on the part of RH bothers you? If so, then talk about it.

I have this sense that you two are not quite realizing how vulnerable and sensitive each of you are. Could you both sit down and put the shields and the walls down and just tell one another what each of you need from the other??

In my mind what has to happen in your situation more than some is that you two have to heal and grow together in such a way that contact with OM in the normal day to day world you live in becomes a non-incident within your marriage. To do that you both have to quit defending yourselves and start helping each other heal and love.

Just some thoughts.

God Bless,

JL

JL: Thanks for posting. We had a good talk to tonight. Not that we're done, but Ow got up about 2 this morning and she was beat so she went to bed. This is something that we are and will be working on.

Alot of this is on me for allowing it to get blown out of proportion, but getting a call out of the blue from OMW was just such a punch in the gut that it took me back to dday. I automatically assumed the worst. But as I thought about it, I also should have questioned OM's intentions and not been so chicken to call her and inquire. I may have said it before, but I wanted to see her face to help knowing whether she was telling the truth.

you said:

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> So how are each of you going to handle this? Is it possible that you both need "radical honesty" when it comes to contact? Is it possible that contact on the part of RH bothers you? If so, then talk about it. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">We are working through the details of this. I am learning to communicate better and I think OW is as well. It is not only quite possible, but she has now told me that when I talk about OM it bothers her. I need to do a better job with this and will.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> In my mind what has to happen in your situation more than some is that you two have to heal and grow together in such a way that contact with OM in the normal day to day world you live in becomes a non-incident within your marriage. To do that you both have to quit defending yourselves and start helping each other heal and love. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">True, so true!

Thanks all for all your responses and help!

RH

This thread has been closed at the thread starters request,,,