WW wants a divorce.. Is it truly the end? This is the second time my WW wife told me this. Both of us admit that once she said it. The big knot in our stomach diminished (somewhat).
Does this mean the end? Should I still have hope for a future?

Where are you at. Plan A/B. Are you in contact. Is the OP still around?

WW works with OM. Won't quit job, Financially not an option. So I can't really be in Plan A can I?

f4mw,

What is means is that she is willing to ask for an out. Did she say she is wiling to do the paperwork? Or is she expecting you to do it for her?

In many cases, the WS often expresses this point. Some even go to the trouble of providing the BS with the info to go file.

The point is that the BS should do this when the BS is ready not because the WS is pushing it.

Is it the end? Nope. Just another dip on that horrible roller coaster.

Make sure you remove yourself from her view when she wants to dictate her terms for the D. Let her do the dirty work.

If this means you need t/b in plan B (after you are done with a good plan A), then so be it.

R U working with a good MC or done phone counseling with Jennifer or Cerri @ MB yet? This is where you will really get your $$ worth. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

L.

hi orchid! Yea I'm going to my MC in a couple of hours. during our conversation over lunch today I was almost willing to move back out. But I didn't say it. I told her that if she wanted to leave me then she is the one who will have to move out. Her response is that's not fair because it's easier for me to move then for her and her son to move out.

Life isn't fair.....what an excuse. So she wants to have it harder (just by her choices), but you don't so why should you and your family suffer for her comfort? Hm..... does that sound like fog babble to you? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Hope you have a good session. Chin up. Carry tissue, there maybe some poop to clean up. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

L.

unfortunately.. I'm going by myself.

Carry that tissues anyway..... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> I usually shed a tear or 2 when I had my sessions. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> Showed I was still human and had feelings.

L.

If I do go into plan B.. Do I still help pay the bills? I have high doubts that plan B will effective at all.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> WW works with OM. Won't quit job, Financially not an option. So I can't really be in Plan A can I? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Plan A is about:
Meeting her ENs as best you can
Avoiding LBs
Exposing the A


You most definitely can and SHOULD be in Plan A.

Ok but she still talks to the OM. She did say to me that she talks to him less now and is trying to find solace in herself instead of him. Good sign I guess. It's just hard because she talks like the fog is lifting and she wants to work on us, then she turns around and says she can't stand how things are and wants to progress. (Meaning the big D) <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />
I avoid LB at all cost, and she has admited one revelation. She says everytime anyone says they love her, she automaticly starts thinking why they say that and what's their motive. She admits she has trouble trusting people and when things get tough she wants to run away from them. My response: I won't let you.
was that a wise thing to say?

Hard to say if that was a wise thing to say or not. It might make her feel more secure, like you're in this for the long haul, or it might make her feel like you're trying to boss her around and control her. Her reactions might change from minute to minute.

This might be better:
Thank you for telling me how you feel, I really appreciate that.

Edited to add: You can be in plan A even though she's talking to him. T

he fact that she's still in the A will make her less receptive to your attempts to fill her ENs but you can still practice. Even if you don't make deposits in her love bank, she'll find it harder and harder to tell herself how mean you are and that her A is okay because you're so horrible and OM is so wonderful.

You should *definitely* avoid LBs like the plague; every misstep in this area only justifies her A (in her mind) and convinces her that there's no hope for a future with you.

Is OM married?
Have you exposed the A, and if so, to whom?

<small>[ December 09, 2004, 03:23 PM: Message edited by: turtlehead ]</small>

OM was married. OM's wife made OM file for divorce when she found out. (The four of us knew each other well, and even went on several trips together <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> )
Our two mutual friends know. Fortunately one still talks to her so I know that shows things can recover and we can still have the same friends. A friend of mine knows, I moved in with him for a while when she asked me to leave. (I have since returned despite her wishes <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> )
btw she thinks I moved in to torture her and hurt her. (I told her if I wanted to hurt her I would tell her entire family her coworkers and anyone else she had contact with)
her reply: Then you really don't love me.
my response: I do love you and that's why I didn't do it.

I know the A is suppose to be exposed, but if certain people knew about it, recovery would not be an option.
She knows I've told 2 friends at work but she doesn;t know them that well. 2 of my sisters know, and my brother knows we were seperated.
(I think too many people know, but I didn't know what to do. The time I was out of the house was the worse time of my life. Actually the worse tim would be when I was out of my house, I had to bury my grandmother over thanksgiving weekend, and my WW wouldn't come to the funeral, instead she slept with the OM!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> )
Ok.. sorry for the vent there.....
But again... do you think too many know or not enough?
btw she doesn't wear her wedding ring anymore <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />
Should I be concerned with that as well?
Sorry for all these questions guys. But I'm trying my hardest not to make a mistake and ruin this!!!!!!

Well I've not ever done an exposure so I can only echo what I've seen others post here, but from what I understand the purpose of exposure is NOT to hurt the WS. It's to ask for support from those who are close to the M, in the hopes that the A will die and the M will survive. Basically "I know you love and care about WW; she is involved in an A with OM, which of course hurts our M greatly. Please pray or do what you can to support my W through this confusion and help her see her way back to our M."

I wouldn't worry too much about whether she wears a ring or not. I wouldn't put too much stock in what she says (good *or* bad). Focus on learning to meet her ENs, and on avoiding LBs at all costs.

I don't really see any point in telling your colleagues at work, except that they are your friends and you can lean on them for emotional support. Exposure is most powerful with OPs spouse, OPs parents, OPs priest/preacher, WS's priest/preacher, folks like that. People who love and care about the waywards and want to see them do the right thing.