Actions have to *START* somewhere. Next time the person may say "yes, I have feelings for you too".

What will your husband do? Say "OK, but I'm married"?

Me thinks not. He is dabbling with fire.

Spidey - Please don't forget what a wonderful, vibrant, smart, beautiful woman you are. I hope things go well for you with the IC today and s/he can help you get through this time. I'm off for the weekend, we are heading down to Tampa for the Redskins game, GO SKINS!!! I'll check in on you on Monday when we get back.

ff, thanks for posting. Yeah, I think his lack of a decent father has gone a lot toward his struggles in recent years.


I know. And I keep telling him this. We just do not see eye to eye. I cannot believe he is even putting me through this again. I could not imagine hurting someone like this ~ a second time! But, right now it is all about him.

Revenge? Me? Heavens no! I couldn't sleep last night, either. I just cannot believe I am at a cross-roads with my M again, after only 18 months. And I feel like I (we) did all the "right" things, too. Oh well. I can only control my half, unfortunately.

Yes, Susan, I know boundaries were crossed. After they were breached, though, I needed to know what this particular person's intentions were. I realize the next person might say yes. H says, "We'll cross that bridge when we get to it." I say, "I don't want to be in a R where there are more of these f-ing bridges!"

You all are preaching to the choir, I'm afraid. I am just trying to make the best decisions in the worst situation.

kloe, have fun at the game. Thanks for your thoughts and prayers.

Spidey

How are you doing, Spidey?
Where's your head leading you?

Worrying about you, Spidey......

tqt, I am doing fine. Please do not worry about me.

We have taken D off the table for now. I am going to be taking a break from the boards for a while, except to check in on you and a couple other of my favorite people. Talking about what is going on here and other places sets me to spinning, and that is not good for myself, my H, my kids, or my M.

How are YOU doing? Now that you are officially a bachelor again? I hope right now your possibilities seem endless, for happiness and joy and everything you want in your life ~ because they ARE!

Spidey <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Ok... I won't worry about you. None of us will worry about you.
And the sun won't rise tomorrow. And...

Listen up, my friend! :-)

You take a break from here, and don't check in on my account.
I'm surviving, and as much as I value every utterance from you (as do LOTS of us), I'll be fine.
You know what you need to do.

And I'll skip the part about everyone missing you -- SOOO many people -- if you go away.
Not just because you help so many others, but also because so many others CARE about YOU.

On the other side of the coin...

My constant soul-searching, in an effort to find some "bottom line" to all this...
has just today led me to what seems to make sense, for me anyway -- something so simple, and so important, but maybe so elusive in the context of what brought us all here.

Believe in yourself, Spidey.

Don't doubt yourself, don't settle, don't neglect YOUR True Self, and YOUR core beliefs.
I'm no genius, but I've figured out (and it ain't big news) that Being Loved is Emotional Need #1.

And doesn't that include... trust?

No matter what happens, what decisions you (or your H, or you AND your H) make, if you know in your heart that you'll be missing that, then... aren't all bets still off, either now, or some time down the road?

You're way too good (we all are!) to settle for anything less.

And you're WAY too strong to let the pain of going from Point A (what you're getting) to Point B (what you need and deserve) stop you from making the trip.

I'll shut up now.

Stay strong, Spidey... and no matter what you do, please, please, please believe in yourself.

Actually, this is exactly what I am doing. H and I are not sure where are paths are taking us, but we are going to go as far as we can with each other. I cannot predict the future, and right now, our relationship is working and we love each other very deeply.

We are continuing MC, we are continuing our reading of our books and exploring and talking about new concepts and ideas. And taking it one day at a time.

Most days, we are both in a really great place. Every now and again, my Ego comes fighting to the surface, demanding and judging. And that is OK, as that is a part of me.

Spidey

Got it! :-)

Don't be afraid to post-away, and don't be afraid to go away...
or some convoluted mess in between <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Just promise you'll keep yer head up... got it? :-)

Sir, yes sir! I am doing my best.

The good news is, the coworker told her H. The bad news is, she has realized she has feelings for H, too. Wow, shocker (not).

So, her and her H have the same agreement that H and I have: if things go further than friendship, we both want a D.

In the Meantime, I am just hanging out in a whole lot of uncomfortableness. One thing that is happening is that I am fully processing the A stuff that I left festering underneath ~ that I wasn't even aware of until now.

Please, just keep me in your positive thoughts, and if you are given to prayer now and again, include me in those, too. Because right now, it seems like Splitsville to me.

Thank you all for being here for me. Love you lots.

Spidey

I hope you know we are.

How are you?

I know you love your H, but... what I really want to do is turn him upside down and shake him until all the bu11shit comes out.

Serious question: does he have ANY clue............ how much he's hurting you?

Hurting, very very badly. Like having my guts ripped out over and over each day.


He says he does, but not enough to stop, I guess. I don't have many nice things to say about the entire thing at this point, so . . . I best not say anything at all.

I am just hoping to make it through the next minute, then the minute after. Literally. *sigh* What doesn't kill us makes us stronger, right?

Spidey - Just wanted to let you know I am thinking about you and your family and praying for all of you tonight. Take care of yourself. Is there any way you can get away for a few days? Maybe visit a friend or relative? It worries me you living and breathing this every minute of the day. I think it would be good for you to get away from H for a few days and take a mental break.

YES. You reminded me of that for a long time, and guess what... you were right. I know that for a fact.

Because there isn't anything nice about it. You know it doesn't get any worse than this.

On the other hand, it helps to vent... and you've earned the right to do that, that's for sure.

And I suspect you're beating yourself up big-time... are you remembering that this has nothing to do with you?

{{spidey}} That was my worst fear because as well all know too well once the words are spoken it opens up possibilties that may never have existed before. IMHO, you now have a WH again. I am very sorry. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> Keep posting if you will. We all care very much about you.

Thank you all for your replies and support and prayers and thoughts. I am hanging in there, one day at a time, and I KNOW that when I come through this on the other side, whatever side that may be, that I will be the better for it.

Because what I know for sure is that growth HURTS, and I am hurting, so I know it is a Wonderful Learning Opportunity for me, if I choose to use it that way. If not, it will keep coming at me in different forms until I learn what the Universe is trying to teach me.

This is the way I choose to look at my sitch right now. I will not be a victim ~ of my emotions, my H's feelings, or anything else. I cannot allow myself to think he is doing something TO me. He is struggling with himself, and being close to him, I am getting smacked in the head a few times with his flailing elbows. This is all metaphor, of course ~ he is not smacking me with his elbows!

What I know is that I love my H, and I want our M to work. If I quit now, that is not a possibility. So, I must buck up, be brave, face my fears, and surrender to the process.

I had to write that down, so later today, or in the next 5 minutes, when my feelings change again, I can come back here and read this and remember that Nothing can Hurt Me, I am whole as I am, Nobody can Take anything from Me. I am right where I am supposed to be.

Peace to all of us.

Spidey

YES

an essential part

MW dictionary defines ego like this:

~~~the one of the three divisions of the psyche in psychoanalytic theory that serves as the organized conscious mediator between the person and reality especially by functioning both in the perception of and adaptation to reality ~~~

your ego is a mediator with one foot inside you, the person, and the other foot in reality, the world as-is

Your ego is not always selfish .... but is generally pragmatic in seeking answers

Thank you, Pepperband.

Spidey............

I'm humbled by your strength, and resolve, and wisdom, and courage, and lots of other stuff :-)

As much as I want to, I'm unable to come up with words of wisdom that hold a candle to your own... but I hope it helps in some small way to know that I'm thinking about you. We all are.

And worried, too...

Spidey - Just wanted to let you know I am thinking about you and praying for you and your family. Take care of yourself and know we are here for you.