Well Meta, I have a couple of minutes.... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />
So you want my story? Hm.... I'll try for the short version. LOL!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
Aug 1999, WS started a with OW (known on MB as PBR - psycho babble rabbit)
Nov '99, OW claimed prego 1 w/o proof. OW claimed it was a girl and was in her supposed 8th week.....OW has never had any children. Sent the WS into a tailspin....
Saturday after thanksgiving....came home from a MC session..... went to help us learn how to communicate with H's sisters and each other. MOre for them than us but knew we both needed refresher courses.... little did I know just how much we weren't communicating.
That night I heard 3 messages on H's cell phone. 1 from a man telling him the room was not available....other 2 from OW ending it by saying 'I love you' in a very soft light lilt. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />
Let's see, I was more than shaking mad.... I woke up the sleeping knight with a big shove. He pretended t/b groggy and used that time to come up with a good story.
Guess I didn't give him enough time. Within less than 1 hour, he confessed. I was in completely torn apart.
He expected me to kick him out with out a chance to return. So did I. I had to fight my deepest feelings to try to understand why all this happened. This was not the WS first, it was the first I found out. He had previous ONS' earlier that year and one the year before. This OW was the worst. It wasn't a ONS and she was out to kill my family. See Scott and Amber's story could have happened in our case also. The emotions raged deep enough.
Earlier in 99 I had my 1st miscarriage. I took it quite hard. My hormones and emotions were not in control as I had expected. This A threw me for a loop. In addition, my work placed great demands on my time and energy. H's family was full of drama queens and the in-laws were a handful. My parents had their own share of drama and my sister was AWOL for years basically ruining my mother's health.
With all this, our son who was 5 and a great child was starting school. I wanted his 1st few years to be his best. Instead it was marred with the horrible events from the A.
The day after d/d, I called our elders and they came to see the WS. By that time, he had morphed into this horrible being who admitted what he was doing was wrong but he bluntly stated he was not sorry for it.
The shock of his words, sent me into another tailspin. The elders heard his confession and met with him later to 'disfellowship' or remove him from our congregation. They had tried to work with him but he refused to listen to good counsel. Not from any source. Not even from God and his word the Bible. That also shocked me since this was sooo out of his character.
I write a letter to the OW, thinking she had a 'reasonable side'. Assume she had been duped. Boy was I wrong. OW accused me of destroying the WS' business, having an A with my FIL, being an abusive W and mother, threatened to turn me into the police for who knows what.....told me she will make the WS happier, healthier and wealthier than I ever could, etc.
That was only the beginning. By the end of 1999 (12/31/99 t/b exact). The WS informed both myself and son and the had to move out. Babble something about needing time alone. RIGHT!!!
About that time I found MB and was reading it day and night. I posted like crazy in Jan 2000 when I joined. I read SAA and HN/HN. Also read Love must be tough by Dr James Dobson. Copied the concepts section and put it in a binder, separated and marked each chapter...... printed extra copies of the EN questionnaire.
WS moved out 12/31/99. I changed the deadbolt and back door lock the same day. His bestfriend and wife came over to help me change the locks. WS crawled out son's bedroom window cuz he didn't want them to see him moving out. LOL!!! He wasn't very quite.... a loud thud! gave away his escape. It was the humorus part of the evening. LOL!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
Son cried when told by his father that his father had to move out. Son felt he could no longer go to school since he now did not have a dad. Talk about heart wrenching. It also helped me get out of that pity slump I had dug myself into. I now could see the A had twisted his mind against not just me but even his son.
I posted on MB feverishly those next few months...at least 20 - 50 posts per day. Had anxiety attacks lasting over several months. They came at work, home, in the car, at the store, during business meetings, etc.
Son and I had anxiety attacks and nightmares. Continuing nightmares each night. Son's was seeing his father on a boat drifting away from us and we were lost at sea. Then being chased by large toy soldiers with son crying out for his dad. Mine was WS surrounded by asian bar prostitutes while son and I were at a sink cleaning fish. Crazy or what?!??!? Those nightmares ran for a few weeks.
Son went to emergency twice due to asthma attacks. WS decided it was better to go off with OW than be with his son.
Feb 2000, son writes a 4 sentence letter to his dad. Talk about concise. 2 statements and 2 questions. Son said he was too embaressed to talk to his dad about it.
WS asks for D in Dec, Jan and Feb. OW gives him paperwork to self file for D in Feb along with a long list of her living requirements which included dropping son off in a parking lot so as not to see or speak with me for 1 year and not see any relatives for 1 year + a list of other stupid requirements.
WS goes to Yosemite with OW for a vacation. Later learned that WS spent part of that time crying about missing his family (it used t/b a favorite spot for our family - now it is a landmark trigger).
I later would find the receipt for that trip amongst his things. They registered as Mr/Mrs. WS. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />
1st Saturday in March..... I had a dream. In it I met George Clooney (would later meet a few other cuties....Tom Cruise, etc.), no matter how sily they seemed (not X rated.....just nice encounters/dinners and stuff)..... I learned I was not a piece of trash like the Ws and OW tried to paint me as. I still had attractive qualities and in time c/b a good catch. With renewed vigor and a refreshed outlook, I stated to detach from the A mess. Called up the WS and told him to hurry up with the D.
Wend on a company sponsered cruise (mangement ordered - BS needed). WS watched son for 3 days.
WS left 1 bag of dirty laundry at my house. Since he no longer lived here and didn't have his current address, I took it to the 1 place I did know where he spent some 'bed time'. OW's place.
I left the bag of dirty work clothes (he used to do tree work), in a plastic grocery size bag hanging on the OW's front door.
That was on a Saturday morning. It wasn't until the following Thursday that I heard about it. While shopping at Costco, I received a phone call from WS..... he was angry. I calmly asked why. He said OW accused me of WS' hanging dirty laundry on her front door and her STBXH found it. Ok, I reply.....isn't that where dirty laundry belongs?
WS relates that Ow's H claims the dirty laundry was soiled with poop. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> LOL!!! At that point, I had to find a quite spot in Costco, sit down and laugh..... LOL!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> I then calm down and ask....human or animal? LOL!!! Then break off into more laughter..... (mind you I covered the phone and pulled myself as far away from the receiver as possible. It was hilarious.
BTW, before I took the laundry, I checked each item. To make sure I knew exactly how each piece looked. There was no poop in the bag. OW was making it up and now her poor STXH was being sucked in. I knew that right away. I laughed and said that was his clothes and now his problem. If she loved him as much as she claimed, she should do something about it. She did. She washed his clothes and the WS never saw the 'alleged poop'. LOL!!
End of March, WS asks to come home. My plan B was being formulated and I let him back waaay tooo early. He moved in around mid April. I didn't realize that it was a ploy to get me to do all his taxes. I used to do them anyway..... Arrrgh....
By June, I was pregnant. Had all the signs and ultra sound said I was 8 weeks. I wasn't happy.....then the midnight calls started. OW called to tell me that she was pregnant. I said, why tell me? TEll YOUR H. She claimed it was WS'. I said, send proof. No proof came. That was prego scare #2. I miscarried in my 10th week. OW then called and claimed I cauesd her misscarriage as well.
Wow, I didn't realize I had such power. I caused a non-prego miscarriage? Wow....with that new power I started to reverse babble...practiced in front of the mirror. Put all kinds of doubts in the A via that not stop babbling WS.
OW got scared that I was up to something. I certainly was. All 4'10" of me and at 5'4", the OW claimed t/b scared of me. Looking out her front door to see if I would jump her. LOL!!!
I was empowered. I caused her to LB without moving a muscle. I would think it, they would LB. LOL!!! MB helped me a lot then. It was much easier to go to plan B.
July, I found out about more contact. Kicked WS out the door. He made a 911 call to report I was crazy. Instead 4 officers showed up and saw him push me into the front doorway. Enough for them to arrest him for DV. 10 day RO went into affect and after 2 1/2 days in the local resting hole, he went to stay with the OW......less than 2 weeks and they both called me telling me to take him back. LOL!!!
August, OW calls to claim prego 3. This time she wanted $100.00 per month for medical and again no proof. She called on my anniversay day to tell me she was the Mrs. WS and not me. I replied, I have a certificate, what paperwork do you have? She yelled at me for answering the WS cell which happened to be in my bedroom - LOL!!! Crazy witch. She almost ruined my morning jazz breakfast brunch..... I went anyway and had a nice time.
From that time until August 2003, off and on plan B went into affect. The A was dying down but very slowly. Everytime the WS and OW fought, I would get an e-mail or phone call. Even got called at work so much that HR, management and security had to make arrangements to have myself and car kept under security watch ncase the nut who happened t/d parttime work a few blocks from my job, in case she should show up. She worked as a waitress in Japanese restaurant I used to frequent. Stopped that as soon as I found out. Too bad, the food was good.
OW claimed to have contacted my employer, said she told all her friends in 1 day about me.....also said she had friends where I worked. She claimed she was going to have me fired. I was a manager at the time.... took that one right to mangement and HR. I was assured my job was not in jeporady.
Ow was losing her grip on me. I realized the OW wanted to control me almost as much as she wanted the A. I learned not to give her that satisfaction.......this made her mad....who cares. I always tried to stay 1 step ahead.
I work within the legal limits of the law. I have had the opportunity and taken advantage of circumstances that allowed myself and others to see OW for many of her evil ways. Can't go into details but let's just say that it is not wise to cross a knowledgeable BS. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
One of the last and latest straws happened in August 2003. I was on vacation visiting my parents. H was to join us later on Kauai. I get an e-mail from the OW with a Dear L, heading. I was even more furious when OW said she was sorry my mother was DYING!!! My mother was ill but we were not burying her YET! My mother is still alive. ARrrghg.... I called WS and told him his trip was cancelled. I realized that contact had once again been going on and I grew tired of their games. I had previously pulled plan B out and told the WS that I was not playing their stupid games. He certainly was not worth a game.
WS, confessed again..... I told him to be moved out by the time I returned. He agreed. He asked to have 1 more visit with us but if I could not, he would understand. Evidently he had broken up with the OW and so her e-mail to me was an attempt to give him no alternative but to come crawling back to her. She loved control.
WS came to Kauai.... met 2 other BS MBers on this trip. He was very nice to them and learned a lot. The man that then came home was very different. NO anger towards me. Allowed me t/b angry towards him and he took it. He worked through my anger and anxiety. He helped me heal.
Then the bomb hit. OW filed false RO charges. I had her records checked. I had enough evidence to dispute her charges but not in time for the RO hearing. A substitute judge presided and all the lawyer we called said it wasn't worth their dime or time. So we sailed it on our own. Xws asked me to come with him. Reluctantly I did. I was prepared to make a statement but it never happened. When the judge read the case, saw that OW brought in a 6" binder of her print outs of the e-mails from the WS to OW and saw the cassette and tape (she recorded their phone calls and played them over and over to herself....she admitted it in several e-mails)..... the judge said he didn't want the evidence, that even though her case was weak at best, he enforced the RO because BOTH of them should be kept away from each other. That she was just if not more dangerous than the WS.
So now the 3 year RO is in effect. Prior to that, the OW had called my home aobut 130 times, my work about 15 times, my cell about 6 times......that was just to me....WS's cell was several hundred times.
So who is the crazy one? I know it isn't me. H finally admitted the OW is one crazy B.
Psycho Babble Rabbit is a fitting name.
I survived the A, the anxiety attacks, suicide attempts, drepression, work stress, drama queens, family stress, life in general stress, health risks, etc. Much thanks to God, my family, friends, son, MBers, caring strangers, Steve H,
t/b cont'd.
L.
<small>[ January 05, 2005, 05:30 AM: Message edited by: Orchid ]</small>
