Well I refiled the D papers and told my W about it. It didn't go too bad. She is so upset about me going for full custody that I think she was ready to do it herself anyway. It's depressing me more than I thought it would. I figured I was over these kinds of feelings. I'm sure it won't last too long.

I do have a question for anyone wishing to give there opinion. I asked SH about Christmas. I wanted to know if it was a good idea to have it at my house and have my W come over too. He said that I shouldn't do that because it would be like I was saying that everything was okay when it's not. I can see what he's saying but what about trying to get along for the kids sake? If we are going to get a D anyway would it be better for the kids if we showed them that we could still get along and have Christmas together? Or is this just confusing the kids more than need be?

Had the same question myself...I've heard both ways from the "experts". Do whats right for you and what you can handle peacefully. If its gonna be strained don't do it.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by starman:
<strong> If we are going to get a D anyway would it be better for the kids if we showed them that we could still get along and have Christmas together? Or is this just confusing the kids more than need be? </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">DISCLAIMER: I perhaps am unqualified to render an opinion, but will do so anyway.

If you are going to get a divorce (and you truly feel there is no chance for reconciliation), then I would do EVERYTHING you can do to make this a great X-mas for your kids with respect to contact with the wife. It goes without saying that you would de anything for the kids anyway. I cannot imagine a PLAN B at X-mas is easy on them. If YOU THINK having them be at your house with MOM & DAD together getting along and co-exisiting, then great. Swallow your pride and LET THEM see that you can co-exist with her. If you are doing the Harley strategizing plans, and staying in PLAN B, then obviously any contact with her will set back thr "plan". This is a tough call. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

This is a tough one. We were separated last Christmas and went ahead and did it at my house. I really don't have a big problem with it but when do you quit? Sooner or later one of us will meet someone else and then what? Are we ALL going to get together at Christmas?

The other thing is that I know kids always dream that their parents will get back together one day. Are we feeding into that by spending holidays together? I want to get along but where do you draw the line?

Let WS be the one to ask you...if my WS ask me to spend Xmas together then i will say ok but with a few number of boundaries...if WS dont ask then i wont either.

Hope you find your answers

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by starman:
<strong> This is a tough one. We were separated last Christmas and went ahead and did it at my house. I really don't have a big problem with it but when do you quit? Sooner or later one of us will meet someone else and then what? Are we ALL going to get together at Christmas?

The other thing is that I know kids always dream that their parents will get back together one day. Are we feeding into that by spending holidays together? I want to get along but where do you draw the line? </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Starman, I'm no expert but these concerns of yours were exactly what I thought too after reading your original question.

I think there's a high risk of the kids becoming hopeful about Mom & Dad getting back together if she spends Christmas at your house. No matter what you say to them, actions speak louder than words.

Watching my daughter and her friends grow up, I know that tradition is important to kids. Maybe it's time to start a new tradition that will be do-able for years to come, even if you or your W are eventually in other relationships.

If you think your kids will be growing up in your home, then maybe they should start the day there with you. Maybe at some point during the day you could bring the kids for a visit with the grandparents/aunts/uncles on your wife's side and she could join them for awhile there...

The last thing I want to do is give them any false impressions. We say we want to do this for the kids, but if I'm really honest with myself it's just as much for us too. It will be hard to split Christmas between the two houses. We know the kids won't like it so we are avoiding it because it's easier on OUR feelings.

Maybe this is what SH meant. Things like breaking up your family aren't supposed to be easy. As parents you try to get along to set a good example. That's not the same thing as pretending to still be a family on the holidays. This sucks.

How about splitting up the visiting between Christmas Eve & Christmas Day? Could the kids do their visiting with mom's side on Xmas Eve and spend Christmas Day with you?

We've had a tradition of my friend's family visiting on Xmas Eve since the kids were babies. It's still so important to them even though they're now young adults. They are adament! about continuing the tradition. Two of the kids live in faraway parts of the country and I think that tradition makes them still feel connected to who they are and where they come from.