Hi EE-

I'm another FWW here on the board. Glad to see you on the board seeking help. I totally know how you feel regarding keeping no contact and how difficult it is. You know though that it's the only way to rebuild your marriage. You can't start recovery, for both yourself and your marriage, until NC is established.

I have had NC in place now for over 7 months and it's only been recently that I realized how important that has been to our recovery. I don't think our marriage would have lasted had I continued talking to the OM.

Take care of yourself and your hubby. You two sound like you love each other greatly.

Carol

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Weaver had responded to Greergan and even though I believe this person was just trying to be nice it struck a sour note with me because at the beginning of my A with OM our emails started with very nice comments about each other and it made me feel good </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">EE--it's very good that you recognize this. And, the truth is, the longer you stay in contact with the OM, the more GG will become vulnerable to other women's appreciation, because his lovebank is draining.

Next time OM calls, don't let him speak, tell him that you are taking this time to rebuild your marriage, and will not talk to him or take his calls. You will hang up. Then hang up.

There's your closure.

You'll never know if </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> my relationship with Greergan can get to a healthy level for both of us </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">if you don't give it the chance.

I'm FBS/FWS (recovery 4+ years)...you don't ever want to find yourself in those shoes with all the issues of being both a betrayer and betrayed.

Reading Weaver's post was your taste of the "sourness" that can lie down the road if GG was to give into his vulnerabilities.

(Weaver, nothing against your post, it simply was a good illustration for E)

<small>[ December 11, 2004, 03:31 PM: Message edited by: Eeyorelover1966 ]</small>

aarrgg, sorry EL. The last empty post was because I did not switch profiles on our computer.

**************

All I know is that I am greatly attracted to the "bad girl" in my wife, the risk taker, the fun seeker. Don't get me wrong I would never have married her if she was not also a very, very good mother.

It is the other side of her that makes me freakin crazy! Sturs my blood, ya know? It has been sooooo long since I have seen that side.

That is why our marriage became stagnant. We never forced ourselves to titalate each other in the way we did when we got together.

The reason? We moved away from our family support structure and never negotiated a way to get some time off from the kids.

So the two of us are left with telling each other that we understand that the other is going through a tough time but not really truly understanding to what depths the other's pain goes.

What a freaking mess we have gotten ourselves into!

blah, she just folded all the towels...I wanted to do that, now I am mad. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Message to EL1966:

I assume you read your H's thread as well.

Let me tell you something. At some pont you better stop talking to OM and take care of H. After the dust settles and he is less depressed he will be vulnerable to an affair if you do not take care of the ENs. If you keep contact with OM his love bank will become deficient and he may even think about divorce. The is is the time to take care of business, otherwise things may not work out for you. You know OM is no good, so at a rational level it should be an easy decision.

content above stars removed at request of EL.
********************************


My head is on straighter than it has been in almost 4 years. I am in the same position to decide if "I" want to be with my wife.

Just as I did then, I am choosing HER. This time with eyes much more open and with more expectations for happiness.

So ima stop complaining, demanding, wondering about her choice and simply hope that she will see/want that I/she/we can/should chalk this one up to imaturity (on both our parts, well at least creating the environment where the A could happen) and grow up together.

<small>[ December 12, 2004, 12:27 AM: Message edited by: greergan ]</small>

EL,

I wasn't trying to be nice, I was being honest. If we can't draw attention to the qualities in posters personalities which shine through on this board, than that would be very sad don't you think? And also to remind them that there is life after infidelity if the WS doesn't come back or the marriage is unrecoverable. Don't you think that is a good thing too, given the state BS's are in while their spouse is actively involved in an affair?

Especially when one has been knocked down and beaten by their spouses affair, and needs someone to point out their good qualities to them, because they can't easily see them anymore given what they have been dragged through.

But you are very right, someone out there will see the good qualities in your husband so if I were you I would get my marriage back on track so what you allowed to happen with OM doesn't come right back at ya.

And I mean that very sincerely. Talk to Kiwi, she knows exactly what you are going through. I do not, but I do know what kind of hell GG is going through having lived it myself.

(PS, if you have read enough of my posts, you will see that I respond the same and in the same tone to both men and women. I just call them how I see them. And I find it almost impossible to believe that an affair would start here on MB, but I suppose it's possible. Probably the vets would have the stats on that)

Yes weaver, affairs have started here between posters, and subsequent divorces & re-marriage have happened here at MB. We've even had FWSs pleading to have another poster stop the MB affair.

Impossible, not at all. And, that's just what I know about....

That's why exchanging emails with posters of the opposite sex are always advised against, that's definitely part of why there is not an official MB chat room on site.

EL's reaction to weaver's post is just about the nicest thing EL has done for me lately.

Thanks for the passion baby. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

*************

Been sifting through the different boxes of clothing. That kinda makes me depressed. Found jeans 10 sizes smaller than what I just purchased.

I wanna be able to wear my concert Tshirts again darn it! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

Well,

EL (Eeyorelover) had individual counseling with MC this morning. He pulled me in for the last 5 minutes or so. Told me in no uncertian terms that I need to stay away from MB forums.

I know that weaver was just being nice but EL and the MC are concerned about what happened the other day. I must confess that I am as well because it did boost my ego and I should be open to seeing/listening to what EL is doing/saying for me and allow that to help rebuild my ego.

I believe that the MC has given both EL and me hope for recovery and has given us a little home work to do together (at least that is how I took it). Dream about the future. I am looking forward to doing that with my wife.

So, I am going to comply with what the MC told me not to do. I will not be posting in any way here for a while.

Thanks to everyone that has helped me out. Thanks for all the encouragment, understanding and input.

Like HH says, I love my wife and will do what it takes!

Maybe I will be back in a few months with a positive status report and just check in real quick.

Until then, good luck to all and have a wonderful holiday season.

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

P.S. Thanks baby for working hard on NC. We get along so much better when you are talking to me and not him. I believe you when you say you don't see the difference, even so there is a HUGE difference in what/how you say things to me on/around the days you have talked to OM.

I love you! I will do what it takes for our relationship to recover and grow. I've missed you so much for so long and I am sorry for my part in that.

Well, I know I should not be here. I am having a very hard time staying away.

I am learning a bunch about myself. I know that I am an addictive personality.

EL, I promise this is my last post here. You want NC from me here you got it. This place is all yours now baby, I am not even going to look here again after this post.

I just felt like I needed to admit in public what I told you last night.

I am not sure why but I feel like I must say this aloud for others to hear.

The fact of the matter is that I was in the midst of having an emotion affair during the time that EL was also. Looking back I believe that we were both getting emotional needs for conversation and admiration met from others instead each other. Mine did not progress to the same level as EL's but who knows? It could have easily been me that slipped first if she had not.

I am looking back and seeing that we both started down the road of having internet EA at very close to the same time. I know for myself that I did not realize it.

Looking back I remember that I was scheming of ways to meet my "OW". I never acted on those schemes because of poor self-esteem issues (what a paradox eh?) and not being creative with reasons to be gone a long time.

I've not had contact since the first week of October, but looking back over the last couple of months I see in myself similar behaviors to other WSs.

I see now that I was lying to my wife at the same time as being lied to...life is just to f***ing bizarre some times.

So with all of that said.

Thanks and good luck to everyone...I have my answer about Plan A now. For me it has been worth it. I can not express how worth it has been. I will be processing what I have learned about myself for months/years to come. Now all I can do is hope that what I have learned about myself will be enough to be able to make good a 2nd chance with my marriage.

Good bye now. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
...
...
...
poof

Good grief, all I did was tell you that you had a nice personality, which you do. But I very much respect that there are problems which need to be addressed in the privacy of your own home, and in a way which is comfortable for both you and EL.

Good luck to both you and EL, take care and work hard at recovery. You both deserve to have a great marriage! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

whoooo hooooo

I am back for a quick check in.

The big news is that I am over my desire to have an affair. I am finding it much more interesting to act like a man with a purpose in mind and determination to get there.

Yo EL, I am going to post here from time to time and there is only 1 thing you can do to stop me and that 1 thing is kinda hard to accomplish while we are at work...but on second thought, you are a smart girl and could probably figure it out.

Well EL is still in control of weather our M will continue, however it is a different control. I am taking less of her crap and taking responsibility for my own emotions and taking less responsibility for her's.

I feel for the first time in a long time that I am closer to being completely back in control of my own destiny.

Status Quo no more!

I dismissed my petion for divorce today.

I am equipt, ready and willing to risk not getting what I need from EL for some amount of currently indefinite time with the hopes of fully unlocking that white hot virgo passion she is hiding. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I am expecting nothing and hoping for it all.

Wish us blessings. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />