My relationship with my husband since we separated in September has been all over the board. I have screamed, ranted, raved, cried, made a few suicide attempts...been on more medication then someone on chemotherapy. I've been a complete basket case.

My husband has come flying over here on more than one occasion because I have been suicidal, I believe I'm over that now (and yes professional help was involved).

Current Status: He still lives in our house (we rent it) I am living in a 1/2 double with the children, barely making it. His water has been shut off for going on 2 months, he's been taking his showers here......he's been spending the night here 1-2 nights a week, and generally speaking we don't talk about the relationship....but the other day I decided I was sick of not talking about it, so I asked him what was up.....and again had the standard "Caren we are not getting back together" thrown in my face. He appears to not even be entertaining the idea. There is no OW, he's just running around with his friends and going to bars like he's 21...when he really just turned 35....kinda sad really.

I have been praying non-stop that God will guide me as to what to do to get my family back together......I decided last night not to answer when he called. I went to bed and left the phone downstairs where I couldn't hear it (He calls and tells our daughter goodnight everynight). So I woke up this morning and got a phone call @ 7:20 am ripping me a new a-hole..."WHERE WERE YOU?" I said "What?" "WHERE WERE YOU?!! I've been calling all night" I said "Ummmm in bed....Brooklyn was sleeping, so I wasn't going to wake her up to have her call and tell you goodnight, I just went to bed" "WELL!! I left messages on your answering machine (There were no messages)...blah blah....so he ended the conversation by saying he'd talk to me later....and then he didn't come and take a shower this morning.....I don't know if that was my punishment or what......"Oh yeah? you're not going to answer your phone....then I won't wash myself!!!" (LOL) I don't know if he wants me to think he has now found someplace else to shower or what.....whatever, it was no huge loss to not have him dirty one of my towels and use my soap/shampoo.....stink if that's what you want to do....or go tell someone else that you have no water and see how pathetic they find you.....whatever.

I love this man with all my heart, but I don't know what else to do, everything I'm doing is getting me a big bunch of no-where with him.....so I guess I give up. I have maintained through the last several months that I will not divorce him, and still feel that way. I will fight him every step of the way, I won't go down without a fight....but right now I don't feel much like fighting, I feel like....well I don't even know how to explain it...I feel like I have to regain some dignity here....I can't be attempting suicide, I can't be down on myself so much, I need to find something to do with myself, I need to become unavailable to his every beck and call (because that apparently upsets him)....up to this point, I've been available night and day, for sex, laundry, dinner, showers....he's having it both ways......that's going to stop in short order.....he needs to **** or get off the pot....end of story.

It's hard to do this, because all I really want to do is to love and take care of him...but you can only care for someone so long with absolutely no payoff, no reciprocation, before something has to give.

-Caren

Oh dear, time to start taking care of yourself. Your husband is behaving this way because he can.

Was he ever a good, caring husband?

Actually yes....he was very good and very caring, so it took me back when this all happened, it's unbelievable to me, and even in dealing with him now he seems to WANT to talk to me, it's the weirdest situation ever......I don't know which end is up anymore....so I'll just take it day by day, there's nothing else I can do, I don't have any clue how to make him wake up and smell the coffee *sigh*

-Caren

Plan A? It doesnt have to be just about an affair. Take out the NC and exposure and go from there.

Really if you think about it, plan A is actually a good plan for a marriage.

John, I think that's what I've been doing....plan Aing.....but it's beginning to feel like plan "D".....for doormat.

-Caren

Caren,

If you've been doing a decent Plan A, then maybe it's time for a Plan B. That really seems to set him off. If your not available to him then maybe that will clear his head and snap him back to reality.

Just a thought, as I don't know your full sitch.
Native

I agree, it is time for Plan B, Plan A is getting you NO WHERE!! Shut him out. After just one night on N/C and he was flipping out. It is time for your H's wake up call.

Oh i know how much you feel right now.

If you cant deal with a total darkness...start slow...just like what you have done...dont answer the phone and all....slowly reduce your contact with WH. Eventually you will get the hang of it. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I don't know if I'll ever get the hang of it....in any event, I think I'll have to wait until after the holidays, he is going in 1/2 on the girls Christmas, so I suppose he deserves to be there for it...well maybe it's not what he deserves but the kids deserve it.

This whole situation gives me a freakin migraine....I try not to think about it, and I take one day at a time....today is not a great day for me....I don't know why but it's bothering me a lot today....it has been all day (I guess it's because I wasn't working today..on work days I'm too tired to analyze everything). I don't want to go dark with him....but I'm at a loss as to what else to do. Also, how should I handle this aspect of it.....he calls my daughter everynight to say goodnight (as I've mentioned)and he always asks to talk to me when she's done.....okay I know I can cut out the talking to me after part...but he will still ask her "Where's your Mom" etc. Also he's been giving me $25 a week, to help me out (woo hoo big help) but I don't know how to go about getting that if I have NC with him.

I think I have to do this, I don't think anything else will get through his thick head...also there is the taxes....we sorta have to file together.....otherwise we will both get screwed monetarily.

*sigh*

Caren