Hey, Pepperband,

Since RH closed the other thread, I needed to start this one just to respond to what you said yesterday about your son...

I'm so sorry for what you are going through....it made me realize how selfish I can be sometimes, always and only thinking about my own little crisis.

I don't have any experience at all in what you're dealing with and can only imagine how helpless you feel. Just recently, in our small community, the son of a preacher and some other young men robbed the grocery store, kidnapped an employee to take her there so she could unlock, then stole a car right out from under another couple, then wrecked it. Apparently they needed the money to feed their heroine addiction. I just couldn't believe one of the guys was this preacher's son, not because of that but because I KNOW him and he always seemed to have it together. I guess you never can tell, but it's really disturbing and sad what can happen to people, and I don't understand any of it. It scares me because I know that it could happen to my kids....I won't kid myself about that, even though at this point I think they are ok.


Also, for Just Learning...
That was beautiful what you wrote to RH and I....and very wise, and encouraging to me. Yes, we do love each other. One thing I noticed after this last fiasco was that it was a little easier to deal with, a little less "damaging"...so that tells me that we HAVE made progress! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> It can be difficult sometimes, but I can see now that it is ok, because we are determined to see it through.

Thanks so much!

Onlywords

Thanks for the encouragement. I can't live in my fear because it is paralyzing. So I've learned to release my fear. Mostly in prayer.

Yesterday I was listening to a Focus On The Family radio broadcast ___ an in prison interview of "Son of Sam" serial killer David Berkowitz. It revved up my fears a tad .... there are similarities in their stories. Ironic isn't it? A religious program scaring me more than comforting me?

So.... I had to sit with my fear and make up my mind what to do with it. I'm still working on that.

This extended drawn out type of crisis is exhausting. Much like marital rebuilding. The end zone seems pretty far away much of the time and that can be discouraging.

But... building upon our past success at rebuilding our marriage, my husband and I are a team when it comes to handling our son's personality and his manipulativeness. I lean on my husband most of the time, because I am waaaay too emotional when it comes to our boy. (Mom-disease, ya know?)

Have a peaceful day dear.

Pep

<small>[ December 11, 2004, 11:19 AM: Message edited by: Pepperband ]</small>

PEPPERBAND- I want to tell you that I also have a difficult child. My oldest daughter has been very difficult to handle since she was like 17 years old, now she is 26. She is married,has one child (1 1/2 years old) but she still has not mature.
Its extremely hard to deal with a difficult child. It drains your soul, your spirit,your energy.
I think she is learning slowly, that she has to change her ways, that she has to stay out of trouble.
You are such an amazing human being for taking the time to advice so many people here, when you have such difficulties at home with your son. I just have pure admiration for you. YOu are strong,but yet so caring, emotional.
I am sure your son will eventually become an exceptional human being just like you. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
Its a lot of peer pressure in today's youth. Its very hard to stay in focus, when you have the pressure of others,even if you had a good upbringing. But,I think that eventually, not too late they change and get themselves in the right path.
Again, I want to thank you for all your advice to Stanley and myself. And I hope you had forgotten how nasty and close minded I was at the beginning of posting on this board.

I wish you the best with your family!!!

Myrta

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Its extremely hard to deal with a difficult child. It drains your soul, your spirit,your energy.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You're right about that ! This problem also forced me to grow stronger in certain areas that I was totally resistant to even considering as an option... I had to go against my nature in order to be effective with our son.

....and, it drained our wallet too <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> But,I think that eventually, not too late they change and get themselves in the right path.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">God, I hope so.

This kid had a very bad start in life ... and because of that, he's got a grudge on his shoulder as big as he is. He has a sense of entitlement that makes me want to give him nothing at times.

But, I always remember the frightened little 3-year-old boy who sat at our dining table the first time eating raisins and cheese <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> ... and laughed a little bit because I was making funny faces ... then, after a few minutes, big fat tear drops rolled down his cheeks and he said, "Where Mama go?" .... It was his little world view for me to see.... he had lost everything he'd ever known ...

soooooo this is why I weaken sometimes and give in to him when it is in his best interest for me to stay strong... and I've had to go against my nurting nature as a mother.... the hardest damn thing I've ever had to do. When I look into the sullen black eyes of his 18-year-old angry face .... sometimes I see the 3-year-old ... and my knees weaken . And my resolve too <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Myrta.... Merry Christmas! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Pep

PEPPERBAND- I think today's kids all have that problem. They all think they deserve the world, that everything is permissible for them. I dont think its us as parents, but society that makes them that way. TV,peer pressure,friends,news,etc.
But like I say, he will change,become a perfect son,law abiding citizen, I am sure.
I too, when I see my daughter acting wrong, remember when she was a little girl and I just cry for what was that no longer is. Those were the best years and they pass soooooooooo faST..
But she is my daughter forever and ever and I will always be here for her , no matter how she behaves. After all, I brought her into this world!!

Pepper----MERRY CHRISTMAS TO YOU TOO!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

MYRTA

This thread made me cry....imagining that little 3 year old <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> Pep and Mr. Pep are wonderful parents, a great team.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">But she is my daughter forever and ever and I will always be here for her , no matter how she behaves. After all, I brought her into this world!! </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Myrta, bless you for your attitude. Thank you for not alienating her.

Hugs,
Susan

<small>[ December 11, 2004, 01:40 PM: Message edited by: Susan ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Pep and Mr. Pep are wonderful parents, a great team. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Susan IS a wonderful daughter !!!!

Pep (you know I won't lie)