{{LTH}}

How's it going? um..in general?

Why do you want to fix her? I think that when there is someone that we love who is going down a wrong path that is so damned OBVIOUS..of course we want to save them from that pain, even though they're putting us through pain. And it's funny because there's probably 5 people in your life who would love to make your decisions for you regarding your marriage just so you will suffer less pain. I think there's a lot of reasons why...."disrespectful judgements" (you know what's better for her better than she does), a sense of nobility, a sense of wanting someone to thank you later on for standing by them..love...etc etc. Some of the reasons are selfless and some are very selfish. Yes..us BS can be selfish too!!

I would love to save my husband from the pain of his future that I see him heading towards. See...I'm making changes, he's not. This will not likely happen to me again, it will very likely happen to him again. We want them to understand this BEFORE they throw the marriage away..but we can't make them, ya know? No matter how much he SAYS he thinks he's "the bad guy"...he in fact is actually blaming me for the whole mess of this marriage...he cannot acknowledge how his affair affected the marriage..he cannot REALLY acknowlege the actual behavoir from me that helped to detoriorate things (he attributes it lack of compatibility, etc...which is just not the case), he cannot REALLY acknowledge specific behavoir of his that helped detoriorate the marriage. So what has he learned? Well..not a lot! But as much as I want to be the teacher here, I can't.

I think that most BS want their WS to be happy one day--one way or the other (with us or someone else), but we can see that the path that they're taking is going to cost them a lot. We know they won't be happy without addressing their issues. We want to save them from that, but we can't. We can see them pursuing their happiness at all costs...we can see how much it is costing them and eroding their chance at happiness. They can't see that...they're hellbent on "doing what's right for them.". What can we say, LTH? It's sad...and one of the biggest frustrations is that little voice inside of us that says, "well, what if they're right? What if this whole marriage was just a big mistake?"..blah blah blah..lol..I'm rambling.

*hugs* to you.

Thx for the hugs Maddyk. I can see your point and it was made well, I feel exactly like that.

Even if shes not with me, Id like to see her learn from our mistakes, and Im determined to point them out to her for her to see lol