buttercup,--

i missed some of the movie playing with the kids, so after i read son 2 books, 15 y.o.d was laying on the floor watching the movie with mom. since i had missed some of the movie, and our 13 yo d was downstairs alone, i told wife that i would go keep her company. she is playing nascar racing on ps2 and i cant get in the game until she finishes.

our oldest will be 16 in may, but we have always told her no dates til 16. not looking forward to that <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> . it seems like 3-4 years ago she would run into my arms after school. she still does sometimes, she has always been a daddy's girl <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> .

hope your hubby gets better soon, i know how men are babies when they/we are sick <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> lol.

i did all the laundry here yesterday while she was working. i feel kind of guilty beeing off work all week and she is working so much. i told her that, and she said i deserve it, but i said she did to.

last week i had asked her out on a date this week, so i ask her tonite if she remembered. she felt bad because she had forgot. we didn't have any plans or day's set, so it is not like she forgot anything specific. anyway, i told her since she had been working so long and hard, i was not going to say anyything, excapt i didn't want her to think i forgot. i told her i would take a raincheck, and she seemed like she appreciated my thoughtfulness. but it might be a while before our next date, girls b-ball starts up again this week, but we both look forward to the games.

well, time for me to play ps2, i will check back later,

arjdad

arj,

My daughter wasn't into any of the usual girly things for her agegroup. This dating thing came out of left field! She's really still a different kind of thinker, but she's loving having a boyfriend. I try to reel her in and remind her that you take chances and you could get hurt when you're in love. I just don't want another drama on my hands when it falls apart. This happened a year ago. Hopefully she's more mature now. Time will tell!! You're lucky that your girls aren't interested in dating yet!! That'll age ya! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

H keeps on checking on me, giving me little kisses when he walks by. He's so bored and hates that he "wasted" this week off being sick! I feel badly for him. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

CC

P.S. Myrta's given you good advice. She's on the ball! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

myrta,-

it is funny you should ask that. i remember not very long ago telling the guys at work that i was as happily married as i ever have been. that is why it surprised me to hear her say she has been unhappy for so long. i sure didn't know it if she was. i was thinking the same thing, that she is dilusional and"thinks" she was unhappy. i thought things were going great between us.

so does it sound like she is just trying to use that for anexcuse for having the A?

so i should still act cool and indifferent around her? it is hard to meet her en's acting that way. i guess i should find some middle ground.
thanks for everything,

arjdad

ARJDAD- Remember what your wife said in the marriage counseling? she does not know what her Ens are yet. So how do you know if your are doing that? Right now all your efforts are not received like they should. It will frustrate you and they are not going to have the effect you want.
Stay a bit indifferent, you are still doing the job while doing so. Dont go in to her office as often to see how she is doing too. Let her come out and miss you on her own!!
I am sure her mind is playing tricks on her about your marriage before the Affair started. She is saying these things to herself and that makes her feel less guilty with you. She could not function and work otherwise!!

Myrta

myrta,--

i took the en's questionaire for her. i think i know what her top three would be, so that is what i am going off of. your point is true, i don't know for sure what they are.

thanks for allyour help and advice, i think you are right on the ball to.
i do think that the wife and i are growing closer again, slowly. but i am trying to be a little distant. i think it will be good next week when i have to go back to work.i can't believe i just said that <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> but i think it is true.

i am going to try to make 2005 the best year in our marriage so far. i only hope that before it is over, she wants to help make it better to. i know she does, we just need to do it.

arjdad

buttercup,myrta, stan-ley, anyone

it is overcast and gloomy/wet here, and that is how i feel too. i suppose it is just a lazy day, but wife semms very distant today. i am wondering how to back off and be indifferent towards her, while still trying to meet her en's?

i think maybe i should just relax to day and not worry so much, but that is soooo hard for me to do.

i hope 2005 is way better than 2004.

just whining and feeling down.

thanks for everything.

arjdad

Arjdad- I am sorry you are feeling that way today <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> . It must be the overcast sky, here in Maryland is like that too. But no rain! Maybe she is feeling the effect of the weather too. Try not to worry too much. Just like you, she has ups and downs. Its normal at this stage. Just try to go about your things, and dont give it too much thought or you will go crazy. Dont try to guess whats shes thinking! Its probably not what you think, she just have things to sort, feelings, ups and downs.
Its a new year, and that makes you think a bit more of your past mistakes. Dont worry! It will be good for you to go back to work. YOu are too inmersed right now .
Tomorrow will be a better day!!!

Take care!!

Myrta

myrta,-

i am sorry to be feeling this way to day too. i am tryiny to avoid her somewhat, and just let her "think:".

but you are right, it is a new year, and i will try to make it the best ever. i am sure i will need a lot more help from you guys.

tomorrow is another day.

thanks for your help. i have to go to the store and get some milk, the kids have to go back to school tomorrow <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> .
i will check back later, and i will try not to worry so much. i just wish she would realize what i am going thru and trying to do hear.

arjdad

ArjDAD--You will feel better tomorrow, after you go back to work and you can think of other things.
Have you mentioned again to her,about reading here or e-mailing me? Bring that conversation again to her, if you haven't, so she can read how you feel, whats inside of you. That will be good for both of you!!

Take care.

Myrta

myrta,--

thanks for encouraging. i asked her the other night about talking to you. i asked her if she would read it if you e-mailed her and she said she would. i don't think she is comfortable with opening up to strangers yet, so don't take it personal if she doesn't e-mail you back right away. she also might think that you are just pushing her for information and then will tell me everything she says. you have to tell her that what you guys talk about is just between you.unless she says something you think would help if i knew.

also, this is still early, so please be gentle and patient with her until you get to know her.i don't want to push her away.

i don't think she is doing it intentionally, but it feels like she is pushing me away. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> . i hope she just needs more time to process this, and then she decides to try to meet my en's.

i gotta put some groceries away, be back in a while

arjdad

ARJDAD--No, dont think she is pushing you away, she is not!! I am sure I give my husband (still) that impression, but I am not!! Sometimes we {WWs) get even uncomfortable under our own skin, and it looks like we dont like the world!!! Not only the spouse, but everything.

Thats good, about e-mailing her. If you can e-mail again her email address, I did not save it! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> . Dont worry I will be gentle, just introduce myself first and see what happens!!

Dont be down, everytime my husband gets down, it affects me so much. It puts me down too, but I also get angry at him!

Myrta

myrta,--

i sent you her adrress. i think mondays are her least busy day, so maybe she will take time to read and maybe respond. if you don't send one tomorrow, it's ok, just whenever. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

i think maybe i read her wrong today. i think she is just really tired, and i take it personally when she seems distant.

every time i think about giving up, i just think about my kids and my sig. line. i love her too much to give up now.

thanks for everything,

arjdad

arjdad,

Sorry I missed your posts today. I had a busy day... It was cloudy and eventually rainy here today too. A far cry from the 60+ degrees we had for the past few days!!

Keep in mind that even people who are not directly affected by A's are suffering right now with their little holiday-recovery! This is a very "down" period right now for lots of people. It's normal. You'll pick up again. Try not to analyze so much and just take time out for yourself and with your kids when you're down. You're doing fine.....

Had a homey kind of day with my little family. Cooked dinner, got all of my kids back home where they should be. Got them all prepared for school tomorrow. I even got food to cook for tomorrow (ahead of time-that's a first!). I want to be prepared! It also took my mind off of my own things. Been triggered by a lot these past few days for some strange reason. I even had dreams about my FOW and it scared me! Doesn't help that H is still feeling under the weather. I'm just about ready for a vacation again! LOL.

Hope your days will brighten up soon! Keep posting!! Take care!

CC

ARJDAD- I got your e-mail. I will write her either today or tomorrow. Dont worry, I am going to be subtle.
You are probably right about her being tired. Dont try to over analize too much her moods. Its all part of coming out of the fog. Just let her think and dont worry too much. YOu are doing fine!!
But dont be too sad or down, it will not help you at all!!! Get busy with other things and dont concentrate on her!!!

Take care.

MYRTA

buttercup,

i know this is a hard time on us all. especially with the weather like it is. cloudy, rainy 33 degrees, chance of freezing rain/ice tonite. but i will be alright. i am trying to not over-analize, and step back a little here. it will be nice to get back to work and b-ball games and everything. not so much time to think. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

sorry your H iis still sickly, sucks to be sick this time of year too. hopefully, he will be better soon.

thanks for your encouragement, and i will keep posting, i think it helps me. tho sometimes i think i should stay off for a while. but starting tomorrow when i go back to work, that shouldn't be a problem, as i can't really do this at work.
i think my days will brighten soon, thanks agauin,...........arjdad

myrta,

keep in mind when you write her, she is not familiar with MB terms. i know you will be easy on her. i just think it would help her to talk. also, are you going to encourage her to read/post here? it is ok with me, i was just wondering.

thanks for offereing to do this,

arjdad

stan-ley,

earlier, you said that you would send myrta things off this site on her e-mail. think you could explain to me how to do that? there are some things i would like her to see, like the response from JL on page 19. i couldn't say it better myself.

i hope things are settling down for you guys and that everything works out ok. it sounds like you are dealing with a real nutjob.

thanks for your help.

arjdad

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">stan-ley,
earlier, you said that you would send myrta things off this site on her e-mail. think you could explain to me how to do that? there are some things i would like her to see, like the response from JL on page 19. i couldn't say it better myself.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">It is called copy and paste.

Highlight what you want to copy with the mouse and hit control-c

Then go to where you want to paste and hit control-v

If you have a Mac it would be the apple key instead of control.

Your wife types and uses a WP she probably does this maneuver all day long. Ask her to teach you how to copy and paste. This will give you an excuse to inteact with her.

stan-ley,-

thanks. it worked, but i messed up and sent her all of page 19. oh well, at least she has something to read. i hope i don't come off as too pushy. i sent her another one and told her i just wanted our M to be better than ever.

thanks again,

arjdad

arjdad,

Haven't checked in all day. Hope you had a good day. You're going back to work tomorrow? We'll check for your posts whenever you get a chance to leave something! We're here for you! Keep on posting!!!

H is still feeling under the weather, although he went back to work today. He's just really tired and still coughing. This bronchitis really took the wind out of him for so long! I made him "nice" chicken soup for dinner and he was very appreciative! Funny how a good homecooked meal wins his heart over! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

TTYS.

CC

ArJdad--I just want to let you know that I just e-mailed your wife. Dont mention it to her, wait to see if she tells you. I will let you know if she e-mails me@!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

How are you today? Did you go to work?
Ihope you are feeling better than yesterday.

Take care.

Myrta

myrta,--

thanks for doing that. i don't know when she will see it, she doesn't check her e-mail everyday, i don't think. but i told her i sent her something, so she probably will today. i sent her all of page 19, i hope that it will be alright.
i won't mention your e-mail, and we will see.

i am still feeling down some today, but i am determined to give her space. sometimes i just feel like i am getting tired of trying.
i did go back to work today, it is freezing rain and ice right now and snow expected on top of that overnight <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> . i drive 18 miles to work, so by the time i get off, it should be fun. don't know if i will come in tomorrow, tho.

i don't know if i should try to do a better plan a, or just quit trying so hard. it is discouraging sometimes when it seems like we are not getting anywhere. i have not done any LB'S in at least 2 months.

buttercup,

thanks for your help and encouragement. it really helps me.

i hope you are having a good day.

i will check back in when i can.


arjdad