Well, It was 12:26 p.m. to be exact. My son answered the door and there was a man standing there with the papers. I didn't break down like I thought I would. I guess because I had already been to the courthouse to see the papers. I called and left a message for my lawyer. It's Saturday so not much I can do.
My son asked me what the papers were. He lookd so confused.
At least now I can start the process and get the emergency hearing for child support.
I guess this was my WH's Christmas present to me. Nice huh?????
I don't know why I feel numb about it. Is this normal?

I think numbness is a common reaction to a traumatizing event. I know it is for me. I'm sorry it had to happen to you. {{{TR}}}

Ya know...I just can't help thinking that he could have waited until after the holidays to do this. He is supposed to be meeting the OW's brother at Christmas.....something tells me that since he knows I've been served he will be able to say to her family that he is in the middle of a divorce...make things sound like he's been going through this for a while. Once again trying to make himself look good. I really don't have the energy anymnore to be angry. I just want him out of my life. He sickens me!!!!

Will he know I've been served?

Yes, he will know. When the papers are served, his lawyer will be contacted.

He doesn't have a lawyer. He printed the DV papers online and filed them with the courthouse. He has no idea that I have a lwayer. He thinks I'm just going to agree with whatever he put down.
So, if he doesn't have a lwayer and I didn't have to sign anything how will he know? I don't want him to know...I want him to be shocked when he gets the letter from my attorney.

So, if he doesn't have a lwayer and I didn't have to sign anything how will he know?

More than likely he told the process server to call him and let him know when he had "done the deed". His knowing gives him the false illusion of maintaining "control" of it all.

JMHO
committed

Did you file first? If so, it gives you some power in this situation. It differs from state to state, though. Contact your attorney asap and find out what you need to do next.

I called my lawyer. She said it didn't matter who filed first. I was actually going to file first but he beat me to it. Oh well. He has no clue that I have a lawyer. I wish I could see the look on his face when he finds out that I've had a plan all along. He thinks I'm just sitting around waiting for him to come back.

TR,

Haven't posted to you in a while because I couldn't stand to read the crap your WH kept pulling. And those arrogant emails of his... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

I try not to voice opinions too much about a person's spouse, but I am glad this happened.

You deserve sooooo much better. I have never felt that it was the fog in his case, just his nasty personality. (well add that to the typical WS fog and YIKES, a monster is born!)

Well he is going to find out that you are not the dumb little girl he thinks you are.

YES!

PS - I know this hurts, but it will get so much better...please believe that.

Thanks weaver! I do believe now that I will be much better off. It does hurt that my marriage is ending and that I was put through so much and didn't deserve it.
I have wonderful friends and an awesome family. I will be ok!
My WH is so selfish and so into what he wants....he is in for a big shock. The "girl" he thought was just sitting home is out there making sure I get what I DESERVE and making a life for me and my son without him. I do believe that one day he will regret all of this. When that day comes I will have the last and biggest laugh! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

The "girl" he thought was just sitting home is out there making sure I get what I DESERVE and making a life for me and my son without him.

There ya go!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

There is strength in that statement. Stay the course.

committed

I do feel so much stronger these days. It's amazing!!!!!! I know I don't need my WH anymore. He chose his path and he can have it! I'm starting a new life for me and my son. Of course I'm a little scared but also very excited!
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Of course I'm a little scared but also very excited!

Yes, I can really relate to this. I am excited about my future too. Not so much that I will meet someone and fall in love again, although I hope that happens, but excited that I am such a different person than I was four years ago. And I know that I have so much more to offer people, all people and not just a romantic interest. It's like getting a brand new lease on life and this time with open eyes and an open heart. And after all the pain, the good times are just so good. For me I value all the people in my life so much more, the ones who haven't hurt me and before I don't think I really did.

Very exciting, I think.

TR ... true story....

A friend of mine was celebrating her birthday. It was early afternoon, she and her H were home. H was reading the paper, my friend was puttering around the kitchen.

Doorbell rings.

H says, "You get it. It's for you."

Friend has big grin on her face headed for the door thinking, "He's sent me something for my birthday !!"

Opens the door, a process server hands her divorce papers ! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Can you believe that?

H , of course, had a honey in the wings....no other reason for such cruelty and timing. Trust me, OW thought a birthday surprise was the best way to go. The nail in the coffin, ya know.

I often think that OW are ever-so-much more capable of creative cruelty than OM ... and when the WH commits such well-timed acts of deliberate cruelty ... that the OW's fingerprints are all over it.

There is no justice here. But, your best revenge will be making sure your Christmas and Holidays are NOT sad ... indeed joy-filled celebration of LIFE and LOVE that YOU have in your heart.

You know you could never be that calculatingly cruel ... and one's who are that calculatingly cruel are incapable of achieving a state of Grace.

Why?

Because they intimately know the cruelty capable within their own hearts ... and they assume others are equally willing to do severe damage ... hence, they live their lives "on guard" in hypervigilent readyness.... waiting for someone to be as careless and heartless as they are. And being 24/7 on guard for trouble prohibits real Grace-filled love from entering their heart.

Pep

Morning TR,

I'm so sorry for what you've been thru. You sound strong and I hope you continue to feel that strength no matter what may happen. Your son is blessed to have you for his mommie.

My then-H filed for divorce on my B-day [Dec 5th] and then had me served papers Christmas eve day, KNOWING I had no family and was entirely alone the day before Christmas.

I can only think that OW was at the helm so he lost all sense of decency. At the time I felt he was a monster, I still haven't entirely forgiven him but I'm working on it.

God Bless.

Lv,
Jo

<small>[ December 12, 2004, 12:07 PM: Message edited by: Resilient ]</small>

Hold on, Pep. Give me a minute.

I'm working on empathy today <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> . Trying now to garner some for your friend's H. . . .

Nope, it isn't coming.

What an SOB.
PM

Wow...Pep...that's horrible!!! Just when I think my situation is awful I hear one worse than mine.
I do plan on enjoying the holidays with my family. My son won't see any sadness....we will laugh and be happy!

weaver...I agree....it is exciting to get a new lease on life. I know there is something better out there for me and my son.

Resiliant.....I wish you all the luck with the forgiving part. I don't know how I can and will ever be able to forgive my WH. I'm not a very forgiving person to begin with. I know that in time it may get easier. Maybe when I'm moved on and happy with someone else I can begin to do that.

My son went over to my in-laws with my WH tonight for their family Christmas party. I feel kinda left out even though I knew I wouldn't be invited and wouldn't have gone anyway. I guess it's just hard knowing they are all over there pretending nothing is wrong in their family and I'm here alone.

My son went over to my in-laws with my WH tonight for their family Christmas party. I feel kinda left out even though I knew I wouldn't be invited and wouldn't have gone anyway. I guess it's just hard knowing they are all over there pretending nothing is wrong in their family and I'm here alone.