Hang in there Dani -

I think you're doing great!

When MIL and FIL got a taste of OW and her drama, they start to get a better picture - when MIL says "I'm confused", she probably means "I'm not so sure now that this woman means happiness for my son', but she doesn't want to admit to you she's been wrong. Her actions tell you that she is supporting you in your decision to have NC with WH - and your kids are her grandkids - she wants what's best for them - I'm sure she noticed that WH didn't see his own kids, but tried to provide a house for OW and her kids, which wasn't his to give, either!

Don't contact WH - good for you for blocking his e-mail.

Sounds like you have a friend in this sailor who is going to fill you in - just wait - he obviously feels sympathetic towards you or he wouldn't have contacted you and sent a message of support "I'm thinking of you".

Just try to hang in there. Maybe his command finally lowered the boom on him, and not before time, either!

LIR

LIR,
Thank you for the support. I really appreciate it. I think my in laws are trying to figure out WHAT is going on in WHs head... They don't realize that it isn't something you can FIGURE out.
My WH was back at work yesterday and I guess they are getting agravated that he has not set up an alotment yet.


He is out to sea for 10 days right now. I don't know where my doggy is <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> I called my MIL and she said that OW and WH took her back with them but that she has not heard from WH. She knows we want her back, and that she isn't being taken care of. I could e-mail WH and ask about her, but that probably wouldn't do me any good....
Anyone have any ideas? I am sure the dog is with OW wherever she is staying.

Also 'Chris' has been calling me again. I KNOW he hung out with OW and her kids while they were in Maine. I was thinking of writing him a letter saying that I am not able to talk to him right now, because he is supporting the affair. How would I go about that?

The command isn't being very helpful with ANYTHING, and I have yet to hear back from the Chaplin. I guess since WH is saying that HIS car is broken they can't do anything about the car situation. Funny thing is, it would only take $75 to fix his, and he is currently gone for 10 days, so he isn't using the other one.
He really is in Plan M. ME ME ME ME ME.


Danielle

Can you just go GET the dog -- or have someone else get the dog? I wouldn't put it past OW to put her in the pound.

A.M. I would love to....except I have no idea WHERE she is.

WH was living with OW and she got evicted. They stayed at the Navy Lodge for 3 weeks until going on leave in Maine. They got back Monday AM, and now WH is out to sea for 10 days. I have NO idea where OW and the dog are. I called the Navy Lodge, no luck.

The only way to find out is to ask WH and hope he was nice about it. Highly unlikly that he speak nicly to me...

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />
Danielle

Can't MIL do something? Keep checking with the pound.

Can't MIL do something? Keep checking with the pound.

Who is your Plan B mediator? Can't he/she do something? Your lawyer? Even the kids?

Thanks A.M.
As far as a Plan B mediator...it WAS my mother, until WH and OW were really rude to her. Now she would like nothing to do with the whole situation. We really don't have a mediator at this point. His command is dealing with the alotment of child support issue, but other then that they are not helpful.
My kids are only 1 and 4, so they are not involved at all in the affair.
My MIL does know we want the dog, and she would like us to have the dog. She does not use a computer at all, and since WH is out to sea, that is the only way to communicate with him. She DID say that if she talked to him she would ask him about Sweet Caroline.
As much as I hate to...I am almost at the point where I might e-mail him myself. I was REALLY hoping that after his Mother told him we wanted the dog he would make some attempt to bring her back home, but that has not been the case.
He told his mother that he didn't realize I wanted the dog, that he was under the impression that I was going to bring her to the pound. That is NOT true. I have been the ONLY one to bring her to the vet, to get her nails clipped, etc. The kids love her.....
Danielle

<small>[ January 11, 2005, 03:45 PM: Message edited by: DanigirlinVA ]</small>

Local libraries have computers. Failing that, couldn't your mother intervene on this one issue, rude or not? The kids' endorsement might mean more than your pleading.

OW is a weirdo, and I wouldn't trust her with the dog. I would talk to OW's local pound, so they could be on the look-out.

Frankly, given OW's history, I'm afraid the dog might be the scapegoat next time OW is mad at WH. That's why it might be good to get extra eyes on the situation.

I tried to call MIL with no answer.
I did ask my friend, who was willing, to e-mail WH and ask for the dogs location and to arrange a time for me to pick her up. He has yet to respond.

I just called both of his credit card companies that I WAS an autorized user for. He removed me months ago, and I called to tripple check that I was NOT on the account in ANY way.
I also just got off the phone with Geico and had them change the policy to get sent to his ship and take my name off of it. I am not going to pay a bill when I can't even drive a car!!!
Is this something that I should have done given the situation??
Danielle

<small>[ January 12, 2005, 12:57 PM: Message edited by: DanigirlinVA ]</small>

Well today is one of those days when I realize I have been lying to MYSELF.
Last night I was on the phone with a friend of mine and she was telling me to stop hanging on to hope and all this, non MB, I can do better talk. I was so confident and I explained to her that I still miss WH dearly, and that I cry and I grieve my marriage, but that I have accepted, and am OK with the fact that we are 99.99% getting a divorce. He shows no sign of ending his on and off again relationship with OW. I told her that I miss the man he used to be, and I dream and wish that we could have the marriage, be the loving couple that we were, and that we promised to be till death do us part. I wish our children could grow up in the loving family, with a Mom and a Dad who love each other... I told her all of this followed by the acceptance that all those things are no longer going to happen. I actually felt OK with being without him, saying that I don't deserve this, and had accepted my life with my children, without their father.

New story today. I just wish I could give him the magic "love me again" pill and have him come home. I wish there were such a "pill". I am again feeling like I can't or won't do this without him... I feel like we were so happy, so in love, so much of a wonderful family... WHY can't he let that happen again?

The rollercoaster of internal emotions <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />
I go through this, while he goes through his fairy tale happiness (so he says) and is Mr. no cares in the world.

Yuck, I don't like this at all!
Danielle

Well WH isn't being very nice, but already knew that right?
I have been thinking about something......
Since D-Day he has said that I have 'lived off of him' for a long time now. WE chose together for me to go to school, be a stay at home Mom, and work part time. NOW he has turned it into I was living OFF of him... Makes me feel like crap. When we first met he lived 'off of' me if you look at it that way, but I never saw it like that. I love him.

Since D-Day he also has decided to blame his entire cell phone, and credit card bills on ME. I am responsbile for VERY little of that. 90% of his credit card bills have been made after D-Day with or on OW. He has comlpetely overlooked that fact.

Why am *I* the cause of all of his problems? I wish I could either blink my eyes and have this be over or blink my eyes and have him home. This la la land stinks!!

I need so many things from him to 'move on' that it makes it so hard! I need his orders to move, his LES for WIC, AHHHH!!!

Danielle

Ok.....

So About the car. WH told friend that the 'friends car he was buying' was still an offer for me. I would have to wait for my WHs friend to get his new car from the garage though. I am fine with that, but when is this likely to happen? Never? That is problem #1. Do I ask for a date? Maybe he doesn't know a date. He has NO Money, so how is he going to 'buy' this friend his car for the kids and I to use?
Then he said that he would give me the child support (due yesterday) on the 20th when he returns from out to sea. He said he would give it in the form off a money order. His words "I will hand deliver it if she likes if she'll let me see the kids. if not, I will mail it."

Okay. Problem #2. IF I WILL LET HIM SEE THE KIDS? When did I ever deny him this? Nope...never. I denied OW seeing them, yes, but not him.
Okay, so how should I/she respond to this? The ONE time he took them from the home, they met up with OW, so I can not allow this. Yet, in order for me to stay dark, I can't be around him. STICKY! My friend is not local, so she couldn't 'monitor' the situation.

Problem #3.
His pay goes into our joint account. He has either not paid, or been late with every child support payment. Therefore on Thursday I moved the money from "our" account to "my" account. Apparently he doesn't know this yet, even though the online statement shows that. Maybe I shouldn't have done that...but I felt it was the only way to get the money, because he hasn't been so helpful with paying it. So...do I tell him that I moved it, or do I let him find out on his own and flip out? Either way he will be mad...
Do I move it back to his account? AHHHH!!!!

I need help <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />
I wish he would just deal 'nicely' about things, it would be so much easier.
Danielle

Bump
Really need advice <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Okay, so I thought abuot this all night long.

I was thinking of having the intermediary send something like this, (reworded of course) to my WH.
Ideas, suggestions, opinions???

X,
As the child support payments need to be made on payday, and the kids can not wait for the things that they need, the child support payment in the amount of X was transferred to my account. There is no child support due until the Feb 1st payday.
As far as the car, do you have, or are you able to get a date in which you will be able to give this car us? If you do not know the date, please try and find out an approximate date. Having no vehicle is very difficult for everyone.
Lastly, the children miss their father. They would love to spend time with the Dad they miss. However, when you come to see them once every two months, it is very hard on them emotionally. If you plan to make it a normal routine thing, then that would be great. Due to the situation that occurred last time you took them from the home, this is no longer an option. I can stay in my room with the door shut, or if you have another option that would ensure the children have no contact with X I would be willing to hear it.
Thank you for the response.

Danielle

Dani, does his entire paycheque go into your joint account? If it does, set up an automatic transfer to coincide with his paydays. And another separate ones to cover the utitlities, groceries, etc. Are you legally separated? If no papers are signed, you are not doing anything illegal. Even if you are separated it is a joint account. IMHO I wouldn't let WH have money to support his A at the expense of you and the kids? Also, why is it just child suppport? You are a STAHM, right? You should be entitled to spousal support as well.

As far as telling him. WHY? You are in Plan B! It is a joint account. No contact!

Fighting,
We went through his command and set up a legal agreement that he would give me X amount for support. He is supposed to give me 1/2 on the 1st payday and 1/2 on the 15ths payday. He is repsonsible for all credit cards, that sort of thing. THAT works out okay, IF he pays. He told the intermediary that he was going to give me a money order for the money, but I already have it, so he should know that.

The command has been TRYING to get him to set up an alotment, but he hasn't done that yet, as far as I know. I did try the bank automatic trasnfer, but once he found out, he canceled it.
Maybe I shouldn't tell him about the money, but I feel like I should. (Well have the intermediary tell him). I am trying to get the car from him and I don't want him completly pissed off at me. Plus, if I am asking him to answer things that the intermediary asks, then I guess I should do the same?

I don't know <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />
Danielle

Dani. Plan B is NO CONTACT! You have an intermediary. THEY ARE THERE AS A FILTER FOR YOUR WS's BS. Use her. Give her th elist of questions that you need to have answered. NOTHING ELSE!

PLAN B is about you and protecting YOU and your CHILDREN! What does it matter if he is mad at you? He is always mad at you when you don't do what he wants. He is only nice to you to get you to do something fo rhim!

You are in Plan B. That means you refuse to engage in his insanity. IMVHO, you seem to be looking for excuses to still interact with WH. Please read Plan B again and use your intermediary.

I am sure someone with more experience wil be more articulate, than me. But, Dani, you do know what to do, right? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

Fighting,
I understand what you are saying. I was going to send that message to the intermediary and have her re-word it or whatever and ask my WH those things. I thought that was how it worked, honestly. Maybe I am missing something...


Danielle

<small>[ January 15, 2005, 09:27 AM: Message edited by: DanigirlinVA ]</small>

WHEW! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> YOu had me worried! That is exactly right. Your intermediary is there to get financial and children related questions answered. Plus, this is another witness to the junk WH is pulling, right? She knows to document their conversations.

On the same subject, Did you read about MR CLICK? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> he is your new best friend, right?