It feels very strange for me to ask this, but does anyone else have an increase in their sex drive since the affair? It is like I cannot get enough and I am not sure why. I did not want sex hardly ever before the affair. I was fine with once every six months. Now I want it everyday and I feel shunned if my H does not. He is stressed from work and his everyday life and once or twice a week is good for him. I am 30 years old with three young kids. You would think I would be just too tired, but it seems to be a priority all of the sudden. Is there anyone else feeling this way?

Well, mine ratcheted up since I started suspecting last summer, and hasn't calmed down much since. Part of it is hormonal, I think (perimenopause), but part of it is breaking down that wall of "ho-humness" that had characterized that part of our lives for so long.<P>I have the same problem with clashing libidos, though...I'd prefer 3-4x/week; H is only up to 1 or 2X due to fatigue after work. We are in our mid-40's.

I was definitely a changed woman during suspicion stage. I was on my H once or twice a day for almost a month.....totally unlike me. Two weeks later it was discovery time! I still wanted it after the first few horrible days. I can't explain it, but I couldn't help myself. I also wanted a porn video..which is totally unlike me. I wish I could understand all of this, but I can't.

I may be the 1st male to respond. It may come as a HUGE surprise (yeah, right) that I too have noticed an increase in my sex drive. Pre-discovery, my W and I enjoyed varied and fairly frequent lovemaking...probably on the order of 3-4 times per week.<P>Now that she is gone, I only have myself to love. I find that I help myself about once or twice a day.

Prior to my discovery, (last summer) we went 4 1/2 weeks, with just having sex once. Notice that I refer to it as sex, and not making love? It was out of necessity for me, and couldn't figure out why H didn't want any. Realized later, that I was the only on the house not getting it. After discovery, I became totally obsessed with it. I hated myself for it, and yet, couldn't help myself. I felt like I was prostituting myself, and yet just came back for more. H used to avoid me. I thought it was because I didn't "compare" to OW, but after we began counselling, he made me realize that it was because he just couldn't do it! Not that often!! We were both 5l. <P>------------------<BR><BR>SUCCESS STORY<P>

The best sex we ever had was after I found out. Of course I thought he had ended with her (he hadn't) All summer I cooouldn't get enough. My I was trying to wear him out or prove that I could be as good as she was. She is an expert(very experienced) He has left to be with her and my sex drive is noexistant. I still hurt too much<P>------------------<BR>di<BR>

Absolutely,<BR>Ain't it grand.!! Well, I guess it is if you are getting it!<P>Kinda feel like ya have to make up for lost time or something.<P>Shattered, what you said made me laugh a little, but I know it is not funny. I hope someday you can direct those needs where they rightfully belong.

As the 2nd male to respond, I, unfortunately, have to admit that mine is decreasing. During the whole marriage, my sex drive was intimately tied together with the level of total intimacy I felt with W. I wanted it all of the time and at the same time, felt so close to W. Now that that is diminishing, so is the desire for sex.

Once we got through the first couple of times after his confession (one month 'friendship' resulting in one sexual encounter, he also confessed a one-night stand occurring about 1 1/2 years earlier at the same time)the urge was very frequent. Thought it was pregnancy hormones (I was 7 1/2 months pregnant at the time)but baby is 9 months now and if he's home (he's a trucker-out of town a lot) we're at it atleast once a day, often twice. Neither of us is complaining, but I do have a hard time with rejection if he's too tired. I guess it's sort of my way of reclaiming my sense of belonging with him.<p>[This message has been edited by Taz (edited September 20, 1999).]

Toss me in the increased drive bucket. Prior to this mess we were pretty distant from one another. Sex was maybe once every 4-5 months . I think we are both rejuvinated. We are at a stunning pace of twice a month (after a year of not getting any, twice a month is a stunning pace ). I hope that will increase to the point where it's difficult for us to walk .

SHA - I feel for you, but I have to admit that the way you put it is hilarious:<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>We are at a stunning pace of twice a month (after a year of not getting any, twice a month is a stunning pace)<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Here's a one dollar contribution to the crutches that I hope you will need very soon...and not for long as your stamina builds.....

Sex Drive?????? What's that???<P>OH - you mean all the frustration that's built up on top of the other frustration!!!!<P>I think mine would be classified as overdrive except........<P>I have nowhere to drive it to!!!!!!!<P>Hugs,<P>Sheba

After discovery, I couldn't keep my hands off his dirty little body. I figured that two could play this game.<BR>Best sex we EVER had. He told I me was the best lover he ever had (I don't know how many that would be ), said he couldn't imagine anyone else ever being with me.<BR>Since he left 2 months ago, however, I am like the rest of you- trying to find cold showers wherever I go!!<P>Cheryl

Male response<P>After discovery we were making love atleast 6 nights a week. That was 3/99, now we haven't been intimate in two months. <P>I think the sex is part of the healing process, once the sex stops though, there are many desperately lonly nights.<P>My showers are getting longer and colder. Our conversations have gotten better though.

I'm glad I'm not the only one! I've always been fairly insatiable anyway, but after suspicions and before he left, I was OUTRAGEOUS! I figured it must have to do with wanting to be close and hold on - besides, OH WELL, you know......<P>Now he's gone.....oh, well, you know - at least Sheba seems to!!!!!<P>Lori

Sex drive is way up. Has been sense discovery...which was nearly 7 months ago now. It suprised the heck out of my husband and me. In the beginning it was unreal. Now my responses are more normal. I still want sex at least once a day and husband's libido is not near that high. <P>I don't know what it is????<P>Partly I think a part of me that had been asleep or dead for many years woke up.<P>Anyway I am liking it and even though husband doesn't always like me after him he likes it much better than before.<P>I hope it never ends...I want to have sex as often as I can. This is much better than it was before.<P>I think this is an average response to the situation if you still love your spouse and want things to work out.<P>Oh yeah another part of it is that when we are having sex...it is only about him and I if only for a few moments...there is that time when I am thinking of nothing else but what is happening between him and I at the moment. <P>Heck it is a little bit of heaven here on earth. Why wouldn't all of us want as much of that as we can get with all the pain we have been through and are going through. Some days it is the only time I am not hurting.<P>------------------<BR>God bless you and all of us.<P>Samantha<BR><p>[This message has been edited by Samantha-MI (edited September 20, 1999).]

Hi Cracker....your friend, NoTrust here....sorry that you're feeling this way. I can relate to it.<P>After exposure of affair, and trying to recover, we were at 4x/week...was better than what it was previously, which was non-existant when he became sexually involved with her. Lately, with H's weird schedule, we are at 1-2x/week.<P>Sometimes, he is too tired...but says he loves me and explains why he doesn't want it right now. He will say, "I promise we will do it in the morning."<P>I used to feel shunned (sometimes still do). But I guess it's okay to set a date for making love...It isn't like he doesn't want to..it's just he wants to do it when he feels physically capable.<P>But honestly, I would like the 3-4x/week again!<P>To answer your question: Yes, I do think that my sex drive has increased....<p>[This message has been edited by NoTrust (edited September 20, 1999).]

And gee I just thought she was teaching him something. He definitely became a better lover. Now I really miss him. And thought my sex drive was nonexistant, time for a cold shower after remembering all the times this summer.<P>------------------<BR>di<BR>

I just couldn't resist replying to this one. The answer is YES, YES, AND YES. It has continued for over 9 months now. Even in the beginning when I was just finding out about my H's secret life (sexual addiction). I would sob the entire time, but WOW! The sex was great and still is. I just can't seem to get enough. Although, I guess it really has been pretty great for 5 years. That is what makes it so hard for me to understand why he had to get extra "jollies" elsewhere. I, too, feel a bit shunned if he doesn't want to every time I want to, though. After all, this is the man who would masturbate 3 times each and everyday and then have sex (sometimes make love) with me 1-3 times a day. He said his drive has diminished since he turned 40 (he's now 44) and he doesn't feel the need to masturbate 3 times a day - still has sex with me 1-3 times every day, though. I just can't explain my increased drive, but I'm not complaining - neither is he.

Well, I'm in the minority here. I seem to have bottomed out on that particular drive. Anti-Deps?????????<P>I just wanna be left alone .... what's up with that?<BR>