I hope I continue to grow as a compassionate human being. I know not many would continue this R given the fact there are no children, but I know I had a role in our M which led us to this point.

I broke the ice after 6 months of a vicious divorce with no end in sight. I mean vicious as I just stopped talking personally and went into action...we are a 50/50 state but this went spiralling, anyway, sort of Plan B but with no letter, only action, mainly I AM DONE, OUTTA HERE, LATER, SEE YEAH, BYYYYEEEEEEE.

I actually threw away the wedding album, and most of our pictures remaining in our home.

However I still wasn't finished and had to respond once more as she had previously thrown the bait a little bit the last few months., how can anyone really describe the feeling of not giving up HOPE...HOPE...there is always HOPE....and I found my Lord once again as I had drifted....

I asked her after a tearful, emotional 99 minute phone call....do you want to put this on hold and she said yes....a crack, not much, no real recovery plan discussed but its a start.

Thanks for sharing as always,

a very tearful Nature

Help me heal Lord, help me Heal

God Bless you..

I hope everything works out.

Although I did just finalize my DV, I do completely understand your comment about describing the feeling of not giving up hope. In my case, I think what I did was the best choice at the time for numerous reasons, but I still struggle with my decision and still think daily of my XH. I guess you could say that even though I would be nuts to even consider taking him back in his current condition, even if he left OW, I still hold onto the tiniest bit of hope that maybe he'll turn back to God and get his life back on track before it's too late, and then who knows what might be possible...

In your case, the fact that she said yes, she would like to put things on hold is hope worth holding onto.

Some 12 years ago, XH was going through his first A, and I had finally taken the kids and moved out and filed for DV. I really thought I hated him. Was done. Wanted OUT of the marriage. He found a way to somehow get to my soft spots in my heart, and was able to convince me to put our DV on hold for 3 months. Then the OW and him broke up, and I put it on hold for another 3 months. In the end, I ended up calling it off right before the final court date and we reconciled.

So there's hope, even with an active DV in process.

LL

Nature,

I don't know what will happen between you and your wife, but you have left it in the hands of the most powerful. If you and she truly believe in that power, anything can be done. My prayers are with you both.

M-thanks for your blessings, I need everything I can get right now.

LL-thanks for your feedback, I appreciate and realize when hope is gone you are left with nothing....and this feeling that I tried everything I could never left me, I felt I could open up one more time and not feel hurt if this does not work out because I found me again, and that is what is most important...just like alot of the more experienced MB'ers recommended (Too Much Coffee Man, Orchi, Starfish, etc.)

So, this feeling of regret left me but somehow never fully left me and I held out some ray that it may still work but just focused on me. Obviously there is not much to say but at least this may give way to a happier xmas for me.

LL-I read your story with great sorrow the last 6 months or so, I am truly sorry for what has befallen you....you know what to do, stay focused on yourself and really keep busy, this will create your distance safekeeping from him, he is just at a very bad time in his life right now....stay away, that is all you can do.

Thanks, this could be a long night.

Hi Nature,

I have been following your story all along and what a change in your posts now.You were so strong and assured that all was over and now a glimmer of hope has appeared for you.Whether or not this possibility truly exists and forms into something meaningful,time will tell.

I know how even a shred of hope can revive your soul.I think I can speak for many here and say that we all will be watching to see how this plays out for you.I sincerely wish it is for the best outcome,whatever that shall be.

O

Cy-thanks for your thoughts and prayers. I believe I have done everything I can and can only listen and go from there.

As always, actions will speak louder than words.

OG-thanks as always, I always felt a special kindred with you across the miles, especially since we shared the same D-Day.

Yes, no matter what, I can confidently say I am taking care of me and have been for some time now.

This can go alot of ways, nothing is set in stone. I contacted my attorney to at least put the mediation on hold. My WS will be returning to this state on Thursday and we plan on talking quite a bit over the weekend period. We then split up and go our separate ways over the holidays.

Nature & 10Girl,

I to have observed the change in your(nature) attitude and I am happy that this time of year hope can spring eternal(also for you 10Girl).

I will go out on a limb and predict that the next "breakthrough" will come from our friend lemon. Don't ask me why, just that I have always trusted my intuition and everything I read points me in that direction.

As always, I will double my prayers for all here at MB during this holiest of times.