Just got this email from stbxw:

"After I went to my birth child preparation class and talked with my instructor explaining to her my situation (divorce). She suggested the following:

You can be in the delivery room, only if I sign a form allowing you to be there, so it is up to me to decide, I want you to be there because I know it is very important for you to see your son first and hold him, but my mother (if she gets on time) will be my coach partner and OM too.

During labor there is 3 stages, the first stage can last between 16 and 20 hrs for first moms, so it is important for me to be relax and focus in the breathing during the first and second stage, I can have the first stage at home and then run to the hospital when I get 10 cm of dilatation, during this time that is very hard for me, I can’t be worrying about you and OM not getting along or fighting in that room, that is the least I need. So I ask you if you want to be there, you need to control yourself and your emotions because since that moment the baby what is important not anymore us and our problems, and you need to start thinking and getting used to see OM around me. I know is hard to think about this details but I need to know what do you think about this, because the baby can come anytime from now, and neither of us want any surprise that day.

After the delivery they‘ll send me to the post partum station where I’ll spend one more day after the delivery with the baby. You can not be there all the time because baby, me and my mom will get a tag, only she can get into that room whenever because she’ll be helping me with the baby during the recover, the hrs of visit are 11am to 8pm.



I don’t know why you are waiting for those papers to sign; we should be discussing already visitation hours and the custody of our child that comes after you sign those papers. What if the baby comes next week and we don’t even have a schedule for you to visit him.

Are you taking these seriously GDF?

Don’t let time fix things because is not going to work this time

Let me know what do you think asap."

I want to be in the delivery room but not if OM is going to be there. I knew she was going to pull this sh*t.

By using the birth or our son she is trying to force me to get along with him. So if I go I have to see him and they win, if I don't go it gives them power over me and they still win.

I am too upset right now to write a response. Any suggestions please.

Thanks
GDF

Ouch! That is one for the WS Hall of Fame.

I wonder if there is anything you can do in a legal way to keep him from being there?

I'm so sorry. I can see your dilemma.

Hi again, sorry she is being so crazy. What does 11 months pregant mean? Is there any possibility that this is not your child?

If you are still married....even though seperated....and YOU are the father of the child, then don't you have some rights here?

Especially if the insurance from your workplace is going to be footing any bills. Only mentioning this because I know that some people use both workplace insurance policies to keep out of pocket expenses down.

Other than something legal....I'm stumped on this one.


BTW....this HAS to be her first child. I've had 3....and remember nothing of stages...lol.....I also have no clue who was where or doing what....you kinda tend to be a little busy and in pain while in labor to think or bother with anything else.


I would tell her that I would start taking things serisously when the OM isn't involved in something he has no business with......like her delivering YOUR baby. BUT...that's just me.

Take care.

GDF-
I tried to read what I think is all of your posts. I want to warn you that WS's lie about when their affairs begin- some don't even get the timeline correct when they do confess! I find it extremely interesting that her OM seems to have no problem being involved in this pregnancy. Especially someone who is recently divorced.

Due to this, I STRONGLY suggest you demand a paternity test. I also suggest you put this in your divorce papers if you have to.

See a lawyer- if she is claiming that child is yours, then YOU as the rightful father HAVE A SAY about who is in the delivery room. She can THINK she is calling all the shots, but you *do* have rights. Call the hospital and exercise them, with your attorney's help if possible.

I would be totally pi$$ed about this as well! She wants you to become a part of the farce her life has become.

Hi B,

You can see how upset I am. I was updating my profile and put 11 by mistake.

Joe

Ok,my jaw just dropped.This doesn't happen often but there it is.

I can understand completely why you would be fuming.I am fuming for you! This OM has NO RIGHT to be at the birth at all.Please explore any legal maneuvers you can.This guy has no decency.

What your WW is asking of you is of course selfish and painful.If this baby is yours and not OM's than he needs to get lost.Seriously.Talk to a lawyer if you have to.

O

You said 'stbxw', does that mean you or her have filed for divorce?

TMCM

no ones gonna like this but...here goes....

unless he allready has proof of paternity---before the birth.....the mom has all the rights. check but im pretty sure.

when i was pregnant with our last, hubby wanted to know the sex. i said no. so when we went to our next visit he asked the doc flat out---boy or girl. doc looked at me, i said i dont want to know. he looked hubby in the eye and said...i know the baby is hers.....you need to give me proof before youve got any legal stand!

now i know doc was joking....there was never any doubt who daddy was....but without my permission hubby was due squat.

check it out but without paternity in hand---they usually go with mom...sorry

no ones gonna like this but...here goes....

unless he allready has proof of paternity---before the birth.....the mom has all the rights. check but im pretty sure.

when i was pregnant with our last, hubby wanted to know the sex. i said no. so when we went to our next visit he asked the doc flat out---boy or girl. doc looked at me, i said i dont want to know. he looked hubby in the eye and said...i know the baby is hers.....you need to give me proof before youve got any legal stand!

now i know doc was joking....there was never any doubt who daddy was....but without my permission hubby was due squat.

check it out but without paternity in hand---they usually go with mom...sorry

It is pretty right on that dad has no rights in the L&D field. It is all what mom wants.

But for sure I would require a paternity test.

I'd hit the OM with a alienation of affection lawsuit....

I'd fight this all the way to the supreme court...

that OM has no right in the delivery room....even if in the end it means you can't be in their either.....

what does your lawyer say..
have you contacted the delivering hopsital administration...

what about filing a restraining order against the om for emotional stress so that when you are in the hospital...

your wife is evil...

what are you and lawyer doing about exposing your child to OP in the divorce decree...

she makes me ill

ARK

OMG! This has got to be one of the sickest things that I've ever read. Your STBXW is out of her mind! Are you sure that this baby is really yours? If so, then I do not understand why the OM would want to be there in the delivery room and I don't understand your WW wanting HIM to be there in the first place.

I've never given birth myself, but I attended a friend's birth and while it is beautiful and emotional, it is also not necessarily a "pretty sight", if you know what I mean.... I'm sure that her OM may not necessarily like this very much.

I think that you should get legal counsel regarding this issue. Your WW is out of her mind...

Kati

A lot of hospitals have strict rules about who can be in the delivery room. I'd explore these with your hospital. Also...does her OB/GYN know about the situation? If something happens to your SBTX during delivery, YOU are the person who should make any decision's that pertain to the baby's welfare.

It needs to be clearly known among ALL of the medical staff that the OM is just that...a boyfriend who has no legal say over the child.

I know you want to be there for the birth. I am sorry that your STBX put you in this situation.

This is pretty awful. I don't know what you can do about the birth, but I second getting a paternity test. My cousin's first wife had a baby by another man, and waited almost a year before she walked out on the marriage. He had already bonded with the baby, before finding out about the affair, and having paternity testing done to find out it wasn't his. She claimed it was her husband's all along. They divorced, she married the OM, and my cousin had to suffer through losing a child he had believed to be his.
It was completely senseless.

What your wife is doing is terrible., but how do you really know this is your baby? Is there a way to find out before it's born? Definitely see a lawyer pronto.

GDF - add me to those who suspect you're not the Daddy - or your wife believes you're not, or she wants sooooo bad for OM to be the Daddy that she actually believes he is.

Not meaning to insult your intelligence, but can you confirm having sex with her about the right date? Was she acting suspicious that month?

I agree that you should pursue all legal options to be there and to keep OM out, assuming for the moment that you ARE the Daddy.

But - if it turns out you're not, after the paternity tests, this could be the best outcome for you. You're young and can find yourself an honorable woman.

GDF - I am with WAT. My D-day was July 19, 2003. WH has never told me the truth about anything, but I found out through other sources that the A had been going on for 7 months. They just got sloppy at the end.

I would copy the entire email, and forward to the hospital administrator, the OB/GYN, and your attorney, etc. I'd also make a visit to the local family court to have an injunction placed on OM to not be at the delivery.

As for legal issues, as long as you are LEGALLY married, the baby defaults to being yours. That's the law. You have rights, exercise them now, but don't go directly at her. Go about this the RIGHT way. Paternity is established at a later date, but baby is yours legally for now.

Directly ask the administrator, OB/GYN and attorney what rights you have.

This is a sticky situation, but actually having her put this in "writing"???? Will only further your cause and put you in much better standing when family court rolls around.

Hi all,

The time that the doctors say she conceived is around the time we were still having sex. I have read emails between stbxw and OM there is no indication that the baby is OM's.

What she wants is to have her fantasy family that she thinks she couldn't have with me. OM is going along with everything she wants to prove his actions shows that he is truly in love with her.

If she thought the baby wasn't mine, what would be her motive to keep stringing me along? It is clear that she doesn't want a life with me, why not just say that the baby is his to truly get me out of her life?

According to stbxw and other people I have talked to, it is up to the mother who to include and exclude from the delivery room. I will call the hospital myself and explain the sitation just to make sure. But I am pretty sure I am screwed until the baby is born. Even then, unless I can find something legally wrong with her or the OM, I'm probably screwed in getting primary residency.

GDF

Sweetie - The answer is called child support.