I think if it was about money then she would be asking for maintenance. But she isn't. I truly believe that if she thought that this baby was the OM's then she wouldn't hesitate to use that to get me out of her life.

GDF

GDF, I'm not saying this to sound incredulous as I feel you have some good point in regards to whose baby this is.

But..nonethless..

Have you ASKED her if it's yours? Who knows...maybe it will shock her into seeing what all this is doing to you and how her actions are affecting you. That is a SMALL possibility. But I think it would be worth it to ask both for 1) The truth (can't count on that) and 2) the shock value of the question.

Why didn't she think she could have her fantasy family with you?

I have asked her if the baby is mine. She has told me and everyone who knows about her affair that the baby is mine.

She doesn't believe that we could be happy together based on how our marriage was. The main things being the arguing and not doing enough of the activites that she enjoyed.

Plus her and OM are true loves so how could she possibly give that up to really try with me <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Hi,

Wow, this is certainly one for the MB hall of shame. Not you, your WS' demands are insane to say the least.

What does her mother have to say about this? Is she ok with you and the OM being present?

Given that foggy state of affairs (pun intended - sorry)...... Here's my take:

1. Check with your local police and ask if you can get a civil standby officer to be present with you to prevent an attack on you or your 'family' by the OM. Paint the pix that he is not a family member, you have been told this is your child, give them a copy of WS' e-mail and ask for protection. Indicate that this is an important event and that even though you have this outrageous letter, the birth of your child s/b done in a safe manner.

2. Notify all affected (hospital admin, OB, pediatrician, nurses station) of this sitch. Give them a copy of the e-mail. Notfy them you have requested a 'civil standby' from your local police during the childbirth.

3. Do a background check on the OM and look for any criminal charges that may prevent him from attending (RO, outstanding warrants, breaking parole, etc.).

4. Don't let your WS know what you are doing. Just prepare it all in the background. If the police say she must be informed, then do as instructed and let the same group in item 2 be notified. Never make agreements with her on what will take place in the hospital without their knowledge.

Yes, the baby's birth is important. IMHO she is already setting up herself to be an unfit parent. She maybe even borderlining herself to be a dangerous parent.

Be safe.

JMHO,
L.
2.

Must agree this is pretty whacked!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> and so unfair.

As a Nurse who works in LDR I can tell you that the focus is on the Mom and what she needs to have a safe delievery. I must admit I've never seen this situation before. Usually, it's a WH with the OW in the waiting room.(That's whacked too, IMHO)

I agree with the others explore ALL your options. Keep in mind that if your WW really doesn't want you there and you appear to be making her stressed or anxious you may be asked to leave.

Okay, just trying to figure this out. Take my advice with a grain of salt. I wouldn't believe ANYTHING my WH says. But if you both were sooooo unhappy, how did this pregnancy come about?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Orchid:
3. Do a background check on the OM and look for any criminal charges that may prevent him from attending (RO, outstanding warrants, breaking parole, etc.). </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I especially like #3 ... But don't do this step if YOU yourself have a hidden criminal record ! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

I'm sure you don't... just fooling around.

Your WW ... what a peach <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

Pep

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by believer:
But if you both were sooooo unhappy, how did this pregnancy come about? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">They probably had sex !

Pep <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Sheesh Pep, I should have thought about that.

Next question (for the experts). Shouldn't his wife go to the hospital before she is 10 cm dilated? Or did I misread that?

I'm old, and the boys were born 23 and 20 years ago, but as I recall, at 10 cm, I was pushing, and they were about to drop on the floor.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by believer:
Shouldn't his wife go to the hospital before she is 10 cm dilated? Or did I misread that?</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Seems that if she waits until 10 cm dilated, the baby's arm may be hanging out and waving "hi" to the midwife before delivery !

Pep <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

We weren't really unhappy. She has a temper. She would argue at me, I wouldn't argue back. She would always apologize afterwards.

Enter OM who was going through a divorce and would talk to her about his marriage being bad and how he should've gotten out earlier. Plus another female co-worker who is in a marriage she doesn't want to be in. Plus her mom who said she only stayed married for the sake of her and her sisters.

I think it was just too many bad marriage influences on her to really see that we could work it out if we really tried and tried correctly.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Pepperband:
<strong> </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by believer:
But if you both were sooooo unhappy, how did this pregnancy come about? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">They probably had sex !

Pep <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Believer,
I think you just failed the Minnie Mouse sex class 101. LOL!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Just kidding. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

GDF,
Make sure you check on the civil standby options. IMHO, very critical.

L.

Hate to keep questioning, but need to get my arms around this. You have been married for 3 years with no baby. Why now - was this pregnancy planned? If so, for how long?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Going Down Fighting:
<strong> I have asked her if the baby is mine. She has told me and everyone who knows about her affair that the baby is mine. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Except maybe she has convinced OM that the baby is his - even if she suspects its yours?

Consider this scenario: OM thinks he's the Dad. Baby is born, looks like you, and the paternity test shows you're the Dad. OM is faced with living a life with a woman who lied to him <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> and raising a child not his own and who looks like you.

Your wife is insane. Try to calm down and stay the moral high ground. Being a good Dad is defined by what you do the first 20 years of your child's life - not by a few hours of delivery room drama.

If your legal options fail to keep OM out of the delivery, I might choose not to be there if I were you.

WAT

WAT

She has an irregular cycle so we've been trying for pretty much the whole 3 years. She would go months without her period so to make it regular she was put on birth control pills. She would stop taking them so we could try to conceive and it just so happens we got "lucky" that it happens now.

It's my wishful thinking that the pregnancy has thrown her hormones super out of whack and after she delivers they will go back to what they were and she will realize the mistakes she is making.

Not holding my breath though.

Okay, sorry for such personal questions. I would still get the paternity test. And you have no chance to be in the delivery room if she does not want you there.

Like WAT says, being a father is about 20 plus years, not a couple hours at birth.

Based on emails I've read between them (stbxw doesn't know I know her password, shhhh) she has told OM that the baby is mine.

I have thought about not going to the birth. But in her twisted mind it would seem like I don't care about our child.

Man I hate the alien mind.