GDF,

As much as you want to be there, if your STBXW plans to go natural, maybe OM does need to be there without you....here's my thinking...When I went into labor, I was in so much pain that...

1) I asked my mother if she was crazy having 5 of us....(okay, I still ask her that but only because my DS is now 3)

2) On the way to the hospital, I was yelling out the window at other drivers in front of us because they were driving too slow - and the words I used would have made a sailor blush...

Then I got my epidural.....

Even after that.....

When it was time to push I screamed at my H (now XH) to stop telling me to push I was already doing the best I could and to get out of my face....

Okay, joking aside, it is time for you to contact your attorney - if you do not have one go get one...do not pass go do not collect $200 - call an attorney. See if there are any grounds for a court order to allow you to be there or, at least, prevent OM from being there. In most states, if a woman is married the presumption (although a rebutable one) that the child is that of the woman's husband. Since you are still married, that may give you some rights.....

Regards,

Brit's Brat/BS-43
XH-45
DS-3
Status: D-Day 5/02, Divorce final 5/05. XH says OW is not completely out of the picture and XH is asking me about reconciliation at some time in the future.

Sweetie - This is a real hard place to be. But I really can't imagine you being there with OM. And her mom - what in the H%ll is mom thinking?

I don't think she told her mom this part of her master plan yet.

I haven't spoken with her mom yet because my spanish isn't good enough to have the type of conversation that is needed.

Her mom arrives at the end of the month and I plan on having a close friend of the family present to help with the translation. I have been e-mailing with her sister who says her mom us horribly confused about the whole situation and really doesn't understand what her daughter is doing.

I know stbxw is banking on her mom supporting her crazy decisions but I hope her mom will put her in her place. My stbxw was the spolied one of 3 girls, hopefully her mom will see how this has affected her as an adult.

Definitely most excellent advice you've been given here - regarding the Lawyer and also that Paternity Test.
One thing I read somewhere awhile back:
This woman had a baby, told her STBXH it was HIS and then after 19 years of child support paid by him, she up and tells him it was NOT his and she only told him that coz she needed the CS Payments. A subsequent Paternity Test proved her right - it was not his...
Just my 2 cents on this. WWs sure can FOG YOU OUT, think about it.
SDLOTR

Okay you got some advice from an attorney right here at MB (BB). We are not going to be able to figure this out on our own. But stay close, keep reading and posting. We will help you get through this mess.

BB
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> XH says OW is not completely out of the picture and XH is asking me about reconciliation at some time in the future. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I am new to this and have been reading lots of posts but this caught my eye, as many of yours have. If OW is not out of the picture then why is XH asking about a reconciliation? You also have said that XH does not want you to post here is that because of what he is telling OW?...

I was in a very similiar situation where my H would be telling me one thing and then going off to the OW and telling her another. In the end I decided to catch him out by recording his phone calls and keeping proof of what he was telling me..... I then sent them to the OW..... hence to say she is now no longer around and we are trying to get our lifes back in order...... Just a thought <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

BTB, Thanks for your post. Not to threadjack GDF's post, but here are the answers to your questions:

XH and I have been divorced since 5/04. He now lives with his father, sister and her family in his country of origin, which is also where OW lives. XH and I speak almost daily so that he can talk to our son who is only 3. (He is trying as best he knows how to be a good father and our MC gave me advice at the time of the divorce to allow whatever contact our son and my XH desire as it is in our son's best interest). During those contacts, my XH has frequently spoken in terms of when/if we reconcile. He does not take happily to the idea of my dating which I have not yet done as I believe that a grieving/mourning period is necessary after a divorce to put things in perspective and process what has happened and why - in other words work through the baggage and learn from mistakes made so they aren't carried forward into any future relationship. Quite frankly, I'm just not interested in a relationship with anyone else at this point in time.

XH would have gladly stayed married and continued fence-sitting with OW on one side of the big pond and me on the other, with him moving back and forth periodically. He left once and while he was gone, I filed for divorce. He begged and pleaded with me to let him come back. When he did, he just resumed his long-distance relationship with OW. The day of our divorce hearing, XH begged and pleaded with me not to go to Court and to dismiss the Petition, which I did. Two days later I discovered he purchased an airline ticket back to the other side of the pond and was planning on leaving again. I immediately called my attorney who petitioned the Court to reinstate my Petition for Divorce w/ a request for an expedited hearing. (XH had previously agreed to and signed a negotiated settement). 4 days later (there were 2 weekend days in between) the judge heard and granted my Petition and that was it. Two days after than XH left for country of origin. Long story short, I was not going to tolerate his fence-sitting any longer. (Two years was MORE than enough).

I have told XH that I am not shutting the door to any possibility of reconciliation but have set several requirements he would have to meet in order for us to reconcile. Those requirements include ending all contact with OW once and for all. Until he does that and met the other requirements, there is no need in our discussing reconciliation.

Meanwhile, I am moving forward on my own, keeping busy with my work, maintaining my home (boy, taking care of both the inside and outside of a that house is ALOT of work), being the best Mom I can to my 3 year old, taking care of two very large dogs and keeping myself active (I work out regularly and eat very healthy). I am very content with my life. If XH or some other man comes into my life in the future - great. BUT - and that's a big but - I do not need a man to complete me - nice but not necessary to my happiness or existence.

With regard to why XH doesn't want me posting here - you'd have to ask him that. I do know that OW has/may still read my posts here, but not sure whether that is the the reason or the only reason. I think some may also be that when he sees it in black and white, he doesn't believe that I am accurately reporting events or feels some twinge of guilt/embarassment - his fog was VERY thick and not sure whether it has dissipated. Quite frankly, don't really care why he doesn't want me to post. I continue to post. I also at this point don't care whether he and OW are still in contact - we are divorced and what he chooses to do is his business, not mine. Whether he is lying to her or she to him is between her and him. All I know is that if we were to reconcile, she and all other woman would have to be completely out of the picture. Until then, I am doing that which is in the best interest of my child including encouraging the relationship between him and XH (and XH's family) and eliminating any conflict between XH and I so that our son isn't exposed to a negative environment. I believe that it is better if divorced parents get along so as to minimize to the extent possible the negative impact the divorce inevitably presents.

Hope that clarifies my signature line and current status.

Brit's Brat