Not really much in the way of drama from this weekend. WW had company XMas party on Friday and went out with girls afterwards. Work is out of town, so she stayed at girlfriends house overnight. Wondered if she might have had extracurricular activity that night. Too point now where I don't freak about it because there is nothing I can do to control her. I doubt she did as OM was confirmed on other side of state. Wouldn't stop a ONS though, except friends from work know me, in wedding, wouldn't approve. WW would get big frowns there. In fact, to this day, I don't think they know she had A, just M "problems".

I did, however, get to spend a great night with son. We made cookies, wrestled, watched Batman, and had such a good time before we knew it was alomost midnight. Curious, he did not ask once, NOT ONCE, where mommy is at the entire night or next morn. Just happy to be home and with dad.

Went Xmas shopping Saturday. Son made out like bandit. Question? What do you get for an Xmas present for someone who just put you through the worst year of your life? 6 month A, continued contact, now NC, maybe, fence sitting, etc, etc. I really wasnt to get her a box of coal. Would that be considered an LB? Actually, I eyed a birthstone necklace for her. Jewelry, affectionate, but not overly personal like a ring? (Sales lady (smoking hot btw) joked about my noncomittment to ring, just dryly said WW already got the BIG ONE). That might be a little much however.

Sunday, interesting. I watched son, while WW and SIL went shopping. Talked to SIL later that day. OM called SIL (they are childhood friends, though I can't stand SIL still considers him friend), wife next to SIL in car, OM proceeds to tell SIL about the girl he took home last night, slept with her etc. SIL knows WW overheard that convo, plus she told me that SIL,MIL,friends, and even OM have told WW that there is no shot at future R, OM doesn't want to have anything to do with her. (Yeah right, if she showed up, and...you know, he would) but anyway, makes me wonder why recovery isn't showing up yet.

That about concludes my weekend. Except for one thing...and this is tough to say. I am so freaking needing SF I can't stand it. When I see WW, I just want to jump her bones and go crazy. I have even started looking at other women, something I NEVER did before. Oh, I won't act on those impulses, but this is getting so damn hard. I can't take much more. Somebody 2x4 me to calm me down! Please!

**Just a note, I will continue to refer to WW as WW rather than FWW until NC is agreed to and letter sent and commitment to M is made. She claims she is in NC, I don't believe her as she has lied to me too much and therefore does not earn the tag FWW.

<small>[ January 17, 2005, 01:36 PM: Message edited by: Bear04 ]</small>

Next opportunity behind locked doors:

Stand in front of your W. You are naked. Begin to sing a song ... this always works with me <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Seriously ... do something UNexpected that grabs her attention and makes her laugh.

Might not fix your marriage problems ... but could get you "some".

I think laughter is sexy. Do something funny. Not gross.

Pep

I think laughter is sexy. Do something funny.

Truer words have never been spoken! Heed this advice Bear.

Out of all the things I remember about ex, what comes to me the most is a night when he was showing me these exercises that the railroad wanted the workers to do by the side of the tracks every day. Now picture this if you will, a bunch of railroad workers, tough, jaded and hardened by years of hard labor, being told to stand by the side of the railroad tracks doing deep knee bends and jumping jacks. (these guys do hard labor ALL day long mind you, so do you think they were up for a little aerobics in front of each other? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> My ex is 6'6' and 290 lbs at the time. Standing there in his jockies showing me the deep knee bends. I never laughed so hard in my life. And that is my favorite memory of all, he was so sweet, cute and FUNNY! Yep that was sexy.

How about this present PRIOR to Christmas? An angora sweater, wrapped around a bottle of wine and a bottle of body oil? Speaks volumes, yet you haven't said a word.

Pep- I am laughing my [censored] off reading that. I am a terrible singer though. How about a little dance? I can't even remember the last time I had a locked door opportunity, prior to dday, probably.

BDGD- Fill me in. An angora sweater? What is that and where do I find one? Is that like 'cashmere'. Worked for George Costanza, didn't it?

Actually, I am dying to see WW in the buff again. Sad, she always complained about her body. Hips to big, etc. She isn't perfect, neither am I, but I wouldn't have her any other way, and I have told her this countless times. She would half heartedly give me a "yeah right", I don't think she believed me. Funny, memory lane here, this summer, in the midst of the A, she was getting ready to go out with girls. She looked grrrreat. I told her I was nervous about her going out looking so good and that she would attract some guy. Joking, but serious about her looks. She gave me a, "are you kidding me, who would want me", little did I know...

Yes, George's was cashmere and it had the red dot! Ultimate LB, right?

Angora is rabbit hair and is usually mixed in with other fibres. It is the original pin-up sweater fabric. Very soft. Very impractical. Very va-voom. My H bought me a lovely pink one a few weeks ago. He got it from Esprit.

Will definitely NOT help with the other problem UNTIL it is paraded in front of you. And angora is meant to be paraded.

The ultimate super shopper (H!) also bought a rainbow maker a couple of weeks later as a surprise gift. That's a solar panel attached to a small motor that rotates a crystal heart prism. Place it in a sunny window and it sprinkles rainbows throughout the room as long as the sun shines. I thought it was very heartfelt. My kids were thrilled with it as I am sure your son would be. Not an expensive gift, but why should rainbows be expensive?

Hey Bear,

Sounds like you had a great time with the son. Just the "Boys Hangin, nothin better". I'm glad to hear it.

I too don't get all that bothered when WW goes out anymore. I think we're both in the same place as far as knowing we can't control WW's.

Except for one thing...and this is tough to say. I am so freaking needing SF I can't stand it. When I see WW, I just want to jump her bones and go crazy.

ROTFLMAO!!! I HEAR you brother, my WW doesn't like me coming into the room with her while she's changing let alone see her naked. I haven't had SF for about 3-4 months now. Talk about not getting my EN's met!!! Oh well, I'm now where near R or WW deciding what she wants.

Just a thought. A present is more meaningful when you have really made an original effort to touch a deep part of the receiver's personality.

And another thought. Ironic how men buy women presents of clothing or jewellry to get the women out of the clothing or jewellry.

And another thought. Ironic how men buy women presents of clothing or jewellry to get the women out of the clothing or jewellry.

BDGD, I always thought it was comical when I would by my WW some lacy thing as it was usually off after about 5 min. of her modeling it for me... sigh, good times!!!

Touch a deep part of their personality. Well, I don't think she would appreciate a 2 headed coin. LOL. Kidding. I'm really liking that sweater suggestion. Think about it, warm, cozy, comfortable, sensual, not to obvious (like Victoria's Secret). Good idea.

I have thought about shopping for that fun stuff w/WW...goes like this. Something sexy, "Honey, I think this would look great (Drop on floor), yep, it's perfect!"

Bear,

Good luck I hope it works, I think I'm going to have to stop reading this thread though as I'm getting envious. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Oh no, I'm just dreaming right now. We are no where near that stage, although it is hard to tell with her.

Have you asked what WW thinks of OM sleeping with other women? I'm sure she wouldn't like that!

Haven't talked to her since, besides, I know she knows. Not going to throw it in her face (See, I told you so). She is a smart girl, she knew all along there was no R. Actually, this kinda scares me. Either she was just stupid, had an A, and now is having a hard time coming back, dealing w/guilt, etc. or this was an exit A. I don't think exit A, otherwise she wouldn't have stopped, wouldn't be going to MC, and a couple of times she has been scared and crying I would leave her. When I came back, the act started up again.

This sitch is just so messed up, I feel like, when I look at everything, there is no reason we should be where we are, but we are. It makes no sense. It's like her living at P's house is a self-imposed sentence, like that is what we are supposed to do because there was an A. Other times, I really think she is just trying to find a way to leave. (Of course I attribute that to fogtalk, because it is verbatum speech from other WS on site).

Bear,

I think any way you slice it these A's are truly "jacked". No point in spending brain power trying to figure them out. I think that's where I'm spinning my wheels and getting nowhere.

I would say just sit back and enjoy the fact that the A still isn't going on!!

Well, a fella has lots of time to think about these things when you're sitting in an empty house. I was thinking last night that I should ask her to come home again. Downside is, I don't want to sound needy and want to give impression that I am ready to move on causing her to chase me a little. The mess is you don't know what move a guy should make. I tend to look at the repurcussions of what I do, or even say now before I say it, and what will happen as a result 1 month, 6 months, 1 year, 5 years down the road. That is the difference. I see her only living for the now, whereas I look far ahead to the results of my actions.

Little help from others. I'm in a plan A sitch, but not having much contact due to seperation. Don't see her every night (I could if I wanted, I guess) because I don't want to be smothering and needy. I am giving her space, but under supervision from her P's, so i know she is not running around.

Bear,

I thought you were in sort of a modified Pla-B. Am I correct that you had "moved upstairs" and stopped talking to your W? If so..why did that change? Are gifts appropriate as part of Plan B?

As to what to give her: how about something that reflects how much she means to you? For our anniversary, the kids and I wrote a book of poems for my wife. Then, we recorded ourselves reding them on a CD-ROM.

It wasn't Shakespeare..but the sentiment and effort brought tears to her eyes.

This was a project that I started prior to D-Day. I really wrestled with whether to complete it after finding out about the A. But I am glad I did.

No not moved upstairs Drew. WW staying at her P's house. I would say I am in plan A as I have not given her a plan B letter and I am not rejecting contact. I would say i am limiting access and not seeking her out. I feel like I do that for my own protection so she doesn't hurt me. Second, I just flat want her to miss me. 10 years together, you don't just turn that off, do ya?

Funny, Bear, I wanted to ask you if you had recently made it clear to her that you want her back, but I didn't want to be intrusive.

So you're twisting inside because you don't want to be hurt again? Good luck because there aren't any guarantees. Even the marriage vows are a promise, not a guarantee. When I returned to my husband it was brutal for the first few months. I guess what you have to ask yourself is whether the potential pain of future rejection and the inevitable pain of reconciliation are really worth it to you.

Maybe she thinks you don't need or want her. That's not unrealistic. That's what I always thought about my H. Maybe you have to make a difference in your own mind about "need" and "want". I guess that is one thing I learned through all this: he doesn't really need me, I don't really need him, but we want each other. It's a choice.