ABSOLUTELY ! I dressed to impress, smelled and looked GREAT and went to town with my friends even when I didn't feel like it.

Squid tells me now it KILLED her with jealousy and mixed emotions to see me so attractive going to town !

An dI didn;t ask Squid out with me either. Not when I went with friends. I think it did Squid some good to have any remaining thoughts of jealousy she might have to be de-fogged !
So it bear. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Keep up the good work! You're showing her that you can have a good time without going out to a bar or with her (destructive) GFs. And, you're taking her mind off of things. And she's not bolting at the "domestic gulag".

As to the "accidental" brushing - it took me ages after DD to want to respond that way - months to be frank. You know, maybe the non-sexual intimacy will help both of you rebuild, the back rubs, the light touches. Watch her reaction very closely. You're both going to have to relearn each other. It really is very sensitive. The more confused she is the longer it will take for her to allow herself to feel "that way" for you.

My advice about she said to her GFs? Ignore it. We say a lot of [censored] to our GFs because they listen to how we feel at the moment and rarely challenge us. And she's probably telling them that after LBs. She's still trying to deny to herself,and consequently others, all the good that she sees you doing. Keep trying to get her to talk to you about what's going on in her mind. Legato was right when he said that you just have to sit there and listen to the poison without reaction. The more she shares with you, the closer she is to moving towards you.

I came across this quote in a book and thought of your situation: To lie about those issues that pertain to one's identity is to forfeit whatever slim chance there is of feeling loved for who one is - not who one is more of less successfully pretending to be.

I ask FWW out every time because I don't want her thinking I am checking out on the M. Now, she knows what it is like out there. I could be getting hit on by women. I have been hit on, and it does wonder for your psyche. I just know where that line is and don't come near it.

As to the BH going out on the town? I'm very mixed about that. At first I would have been happy to have my H out of the way - and yes, I may have initially hoped he would hook up with someone else. I'd be very careful about trying to create jealousy in such a dicey situation as yours - your WW is still wavering.

And isn't that just more game playing? Go out if you need or want to - anyone needs a break. But to destabilize an already unstable situation? I don't know about that. Don't forget the 15 hours a week of togetherness. Hard to do with a pre-schooler.

I think other FWW might have more to say about this ... I know men seem to think it has a desired effect, but I'm not so sure.

BDGD- Nice to hear from you. Let's see, the comment to GF came right after she got home from IC. And, she seemed to be in good mood that night. So I didn't know what to think when I heard that.

I will continue to strut around naked when I get out of the shower. I don't care, hell, I like it when she sees me. Guess, I am just sending the message that I am there if she wants me. She is still very shy about herself. How did you feel when you saw H like that? Did it make you think/feel anything?

Depends when - what I felt about him that day - not much until well into recovery.

Talk later - got to go

Any females out there - feel free to jump in here and correct my ignorance -

Generally, visual stuff is not that arousing for females. Sound - as in tender talk, loving words, is of more interest to them.

I don't think naked guys are all that attractive either! LOL!! I am just saying, when I get out of the shower, and FWW is right there, I am not going to dive behind a curtain or push her out and shut the door, I am going to enjoy it.

Women do not get turned on by visual stimulation? Hello, Chippendale dancers anyone? No, I do not have that kind of body. All I am saying is it has to have some affect.

Revel in who you are, Bear. I think Legato is right, the tender words, the hot words, the glances, are going to get you farther, but really don't expect anything too soon.

As to visual stimulation with my H? His character, commitment, kindness and strength mean more than the most beautiful body. His willingness to listen and to re-learn are more important. And I'm not just saying that to tow the party line ....

But, if you're going to prance around naked, as is your right, if you want it to have a good effect, just remember basic hygiene, clean nails, nose-hair trimmed, beard shaved.

You know what? I liked seeing my H in new, fashionable underwear. That might cause a stir ...

BDGD- I am just having a little fun with this. I am not thinking that prancing around in the buff is going to change anything. New, fashionable underwear. Hmmm. Boxers? No. Tighty whities? No. Bring on the thong!

Okay, I'll live up to the first part of my name ...

Suggestions guaranteed to cause a reaction on her part:

1) Male crotchless undies.
2) A latex body-suit with appropriately placed zippers and/or velcro enclosures (oh .. the ripping and zipping sound!)
3) Her best bra and panty set with fetching new Man-T-hose (all woman love their best stretched to straining)

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

I dang near fried my computer with the coffee I just spit on the screen. I can see #1, what in the heck are the second and third items. Do those things even exist? All I can see is that guy in the Naked Gun movies in a full body condom. LOL

Guess you don't get to the big city too often ...

And I meant what I said about "re-learning" ....

"re-learning"? I am a dense man. What do you mean about re-learning? Do you mean I need to expand my horizons? Spell it out for me. I am a bit dense.

Read the book you received in the mail. Gotta go, domestic duties calling. Hope you have a good evening and go home with a smile.

Big fight this morning. Filled with LB's on both sides. She actually got physical with me and was punching me and kicking me. I did not raise a hand towards her. Where did it all start? An IC session today that I said I would not go to if she was just hell bent on a D and wasn't going to work on our M. I asked her point blank if she wanted a D. She said 'no' but didn't see us ever working out. I asked her why she is telling her friends that she asked me for D but that I can't get the point and am in denial. I don't remember her answer, but it was more along the lines of how did I know. More lies from her...because I KNOW she said that. Why she feels the need to lie when she says she wants out I will never know.

Anyways, not a very good day. She thinks I am horrible and just trying to hurt her when I tell her that if she files, I will ask for physical custody of DS. "But I am his mother". No crap, I am his father. Why does she think that I am trying to get back at her, hurt her by wanting our DS? So it's OK for her to take him from me? I repeated back to her, word for word, the fog/psycho babble she had said to me in the past. "But WW, you can still be a good parent, you'll still get to see him, you can come over and see him anytime you want, you'll still be apart of my life because we have a child together." How does that feel to be on the receiving end?

I am so sick of all this crap. None of this is getting any better. I don't think the A is ongoing. OM told her to leave him the F alone. I would still like to go dark, even if this is called recovery. I don't think it is. SHe hasn't decided that she wants to reconcile. In fact, her actions are showing me just the opposite. So maybe I should just disappear and show her what life is like w/o me. Maybe she'll like it, maybe she won't.

Bear,

I am so sorry to hear this. And I know you don't need me to tell you how you could have handled it better as I'm sure that you already know.

Oh yeah, I know. Things just started happening so fast, and she really pushed a button of mine with a deep cutting remark.

Of course, when it was all over, I asked if she really believed some of the things I said. She said, "Yes, that's why you said them." I replied did she mean the things she said to me, the names she called me. She said no. Well, I didn't mean what I said to you. We say stupid [censored] when we are being stupid and angry and hurt.

I really blew it.

It's ok. Sometimes a fight clears the air. Maybe things can start to heal now. It's really simple you know; just try to be kind to one another.