Well, he finally made up his mind and came home. Says he wants to the right thing, what God wants and knows it is at home. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
Now the hard part begins! Today was rough. We both felt awkward and I felt like there was a big white elephant in the room nobody was talking about! S is not doing well and had a few nasty comments to make. WH (till I know there is NC) has had a hard day. But he is trying. We both are.
Does this mean I have to change boards and I am in recovery??

I am in "recovery" but I still post here. This is general questions, many people stay here, no need to leave.
I am happy for you. Be careful- it is close to holiday season. Has he sent the N/C letter, or is he at least writing it?

As far as I know he has told her on the phone that he is choosing us. No letter that I know of. He only got home Sat from Korea...kind of taking things slow. But hasnt had contact with her since he got home. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I might have to check out the other board for reading. Thanks!

First, I am NOT an expert and I am sure some more experienced people will come along and post. I wanted to comment that I do not believe you are IN recovery until NC has been established and your WH has gone through withdrawl. I am glad that your WH is home, but I just am nervous for you at the same time. Is he writting a NC letter?
Danielle

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by katiegirl34:
<strong> As far as I know he has told her on the phone that he is choosing us. No letter that I know of.

</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Hmmmm, very interesting. Enjoy "recovery" Katie, congratulations on your husband "choosing" you.

Well, he has been overseas for 3 months so I know there has been no physical contact. But he has not broken communication totally, but it has been a few days since he told her he was coming home. He has some things at her house still that need to be gotten. She refuses to mail them. So I told him I would go with him...he is not too keen on that...afraid there would be a fight! I have not wanted to pressure him too much, but I know we need to write the letter. Just not sure how to approach it. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

I am sure that what ever is at her house can be replaced or is unneeded if it has been there this long. Consider it a lost cause, do not contact her for it, you do not need it.

Well if it wasnt his laptop I might consider that. But it is his laptop and some cymbols...he is a drummer. But I offered to go and get them.... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> He doesnt think that is a very good idea! LOL

He may not think it is a good idea..but it sure would show her that he is done with her and back with his family for real!...Maybe you can have a friend go with you to help keep confrontation to a minimum...
She is refusing to mail the stuff because she knows it is her one chance to get him face to face...be careful with that...if he 'must' get his stuff, insist that you be there..

<small>[ December 13, 2004, 09:28 PM: Message edited by: dreamcatcher ]</small>

can't you replace the laptop and the cymbols? If he will not let you go, and you are insisting that he must have these things that he has not had in months, then send a friend, YOUR H SHOULD NOT BE THE ONE GOING- In all fairness, neither should you.

Again please becare- it is close to Christmas, and he may not want to miss out. I would hate for you to get your hopes up only to be disappointed later.

I am praying for a true recovery for you.

I agree, for my 2 cent's worth. DO NOT LET WH GO!! As soon as he sees OW, everything will come back. Besides if OW knows you H is coming who is to say that she won't open the door naked? (Sorry about that, it's just my cynical mind)

Don't let him go, send somebody else if you absolutely must get those items? Are those items covered by insurance? I think they basically been stolen...

Ask for a civil standby policer officer to go with you to retrieve the goods. Your H can go with you as well if needed. Bottom line is that he should not go alone.

Realize that she is using this as a means to get him near her again. That A pull is strong and he is just in the very early stages of coming out. He can be easily sucked in. More than he realizes.

Better to send a 3rd neutral party, like the police. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

JMHO,
L.

Katiegirl,

I'll be praying for you. Your H is starting his road back to "normalcy". Glad to hear. I have to agree w/the others & say that I believe your H should not go to the OW's. I know he's concerned about his laptop & cymbals, and I would say that if he HAS to, that a friend pick it up for him. If she refuses to give these items back, then he can get the police involved. They will have essentially been stolen.

My H ended contact w/the OW by phone as well & did not send a NC letter. He chose instead to just focus on making this M what it should be & we have been making great strides.

I wish you well. As far as posting, I moved over to the Recovery board too, but still post on GQ to help others when I see a post that touches me. There isn't an "assigned" board for everyone. Whatever makes you feel comfortable.

Love in Christ,
Y

Please make sure that your H understands the terms by which you will accept him living at home: NO contact. Someone else can pick up his belongings. Being accountable to you for NO contact and proving it. Working on the M with you, in counseling or Harley's methods. Please work on a plan together. It is VERY common for WS to slip back into contact and much easier for that to happen without a plan and clearly delinated boundaries. How to do it? Just tell him straight out that this is what you need to continue in the M with him. Very, very simple. My experience in hindsight I wish I had done all of the above. Would have made things happen quicker and less painfully.

I know she told him she would not send his things and that if he wanted them he had to come get them. It is a manipulation on her part to get him to come back to her.
Personally I would let the things go, but they are his. I will take all this under advisement. Maybe my H will come here and read soon. He is not much for reading.
I just wanted to get this over with as soon as possible. He is saying maybe at a later date he can get it. But he is big on conflict avoidance too.
Thanks for the support. I appreciate all the advice and prayers I can get. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />