Great news right? Well, I am seeing one small downfall. Believe it or not I quit smoking in the middle of this seperation. She hasnt.

Any ideas on how to address this issue? I dont want to start smoking again, but I also dont want her to feel put down, rejected, or banished.

I need some help on this one.

she is still stressed out currently. Quiting smoking is something she needs to want. It is also something she can control, and when you are a BS, you feel you control very little, so you control what you can, eating, smoking, whatever. COmfort her, and guide her, maybe suggest to her quiting, but right now neither of you need the added stress or crabbiness.
BEst of luck to you.

KMEJ,

I fully agree with you. My issue is how to deal with it so I dont start smoking again

That is super tough. I know how easy it is to just light up after quiting. I would quit cold turkey each time I got pregnant, but the first chance I got after the baby was born what did I do? After promising H i would not too! Then if H would find out I would quit again.

Your wife does not smoke in the house does she? If she does ask her to please smoke outside. DO not stay in the room with her when she is smoking, ask her to not smoke in the car. Do not buy them for her, have her get her own, the temptation will be to great. Oh and keep lots of gum within reach at all times.

Oh yeah, and no sitting in the smoking section at resturants and NO NO NO going to bars, the temptation is too hight currently for you!!

KMEJ

I quit on Thnksgiving. I did it slowly. I started out just smoking on the enclosed porch, then went to just outside. I live in Michigan so you can guess how long it took me to decide it wasnt worth it.

Since she isnt back living with me yet, yes she does smoke in the house. When she is here though she has done pretty good respecting my boundries on smoking in the house. She doesnt smoke in my car, so thats not an issue.

The resturants are a hard subject though. She always wants smoking section.

But my biggest concern is once we move. Then it will be OUR house. Think it would be wrong to limit smoking to one room?

John - I don't know if it would help you or not, but to quit smoking I went to a hypnotist. It was a group thing with people at work. I (and about half of the others) quit the same night. He gave us a post-hypnotic suggestion that we would be comfortable around smokers. It worked for me.

I hadnt thought of that. I will look into that tomorrow.

I know with everything else we have been through this sounds petty doesnt it?

John -

It is kind of funny - I was at a work Christmas party 8 years ago, having a smoke outside. There was a woman I work with chatting with us smokers, and telling us how she quit smoking by a group hypnotism. It had only been 1 month for her.

We were astounded, and all decided to give it a try. It cost $35.00. In 8 years being around smokers has never bothered me. And look at all the money I saved. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

BTW- smoking in one room or all, your whole house will smell of it. Sorry. I wish you all the luck. Congratulations on quiting by the way! IT is hard to do.

John, this is something you two are really going to have to POJA with. She HAS to respect your boundries on the not smoking issue for now. In order to be in the same house together, you must set some boundries which should include her only smoking outside of the house! Wait, I'm confused, who is living out of the house? Her right? ARe you buying another one together? Anyway, I owuld think that she would really WANT to help you out in this aspect of things. If she cant handle not eating in the NON smoking section, then you dont go out to eat, period...plus think of the children..it is not healthy for them to be around smoke all the time. I grew up in a smoking house...I hated it...I owuld always smell like smoke and I started resenting my parents when I got older. The house wreaked of smoke. You guys really need to sit down and POJA this one...Good luck!

Also, I am curious...who filed D in your case?