How can I mend my wifes broken heart? I had a short on line relationship with a female, and during our time on line she would send me some provocative photos, even without me reciprocating. My marriage at that time was existant, and that was it. My wife spent alot of time away from home, going out on Friday and Saturday nights, and I got bored and/or lonely, and met a person in a chat room who had similar issues as me.
I never intended it to be anything more than some adult communication, not sexually oriented, just someone to get a differnet perspective from.
This other person was getting a little too interested in persuing a further relationship with me, so i ended all commmunication with her. About 6 months after I ended it my wife came across some pictures that she had sent to me that were in the My Documents part of my computer. I still cannot forget the look of pain that she had on her face when she saw them, it still makes me sick thinking about it.
She still assumes that I had a physical relationship with this person, and I never did. My wife got tested for STD's and everything.

Welcome to marriagebuilders. It is a great place to be under the circumstances. You need to be absolutely honest and answer all of your wife's questions about this. Don't try to spare her feelings by lying to her.

See if she will read and post here. You both can start by reading all about the emotional needs a husband and wife have. That is on the home page. Then start trying to meet each other's needs.

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<small>[ December 14, 2004, 02:51 AM: Message edited by: HATE LOVE ]</small>

I know what you're going through. I'm going through the same thing myself, only what started out as innocent, ending up physical for me. The first thing you have to ask yourself is what need your wife wasn't meeting that your online friend was. Then tell your wife. I'm not saying it's her fault for not meeting your need (I’m sure there are many needs of hers that you are failing to meet), but you should have had that conversation a long time ago (just like me).

I'm not with my wife right now (we want to be together, but I'm in the military), but we're making great progress. I'll see her next week for the holidays and I plan on telling her everything about my past (there’s a lot she doesn’t know yet). That will be a bad day indeed. But I know that you cannot rebuild a marriage on a foundation of lies. I’d rather face insurgents with rockets than my wife with the truth, but I know it has to be done.

Make sure she knows everything about you, every secret, every skeleton, everything. Find resources out there about how to fall in love and stay in love. Books like "His Needs, Her Needs" and "Every Man's Marriage" might get you on the right track. Don't think for one second that just because you didn't have sex with the OW that you did nothing wrong and are in the clear. In your BW’s mind (which is all that matters) you did. The betrayal is no different. It doesn't hurt her any less.

She'll ask you a bunch of questions about it, things that seem insignificant, but answer them honestly and fully, don't hold back. She needs this for her own healing, trust me; it's not pleasant, but necessary for her. Even years down the road, she'll still ask about it. So expect that. I'm no expert by any means, but I do have experience in this (unfortunately).

I hope this helps. Just know that you are not alone. We are all here for each other.

Welcome. This place should be a great help to you. I would repeat what the others have said about being totally honest and prepared to tell her everything she wants to know.

I noticed that you said your W has been going out without you on Friday and Saturday nights. Do you know what SHE has been doing? I'm not trying to make assumptions, it's just that my W did the same thing for a long time. I had complete trust in her and thought what I was doing was a good thing. It turned out that she was doing more than I thought. I don't know the details and this may be completely out of line, it just raised a red flag with me when I read it. Hang in there!