I am afraid not many people truly understand what love is anymore...this is a poem by Susan Polis Schutz that I think all need to read, especially my WH (are you out there babe?)

Love is being happy for the other person when they are happy, being sad for the person when they are sad, being together in good times, and being together in bad times. Love is the source of STRENGTH.

Love is being honest with yourself at all times, being honest with the other person at all times, telling, listening, respecting the truth, and never pretending. Love is the source of REALITY.

Love is an understanding that is so complete that you feel as if you are part of the other person, accepting the other person just the way they are and not trying to change them to be something else. Love is the source of UNITY.

Love is the freedom to pursue your own desires while sharing your experiences with the other person, the growth of one individual alongside of and together with the growth of another individual. Love is the source of SUCCESS.

Love is the excitement of planning things together, the excitement of doing things together. Love is the source of FUTURE.

Love is the fury of the storm, the calm in the rainbow. Love is the source of PASSION.

Love is giving and taking in a daily situation, being patient with each other's needs and desires. Love is a source of SHARING.

Love is knowing that the other person will always be with you regardless of what happens, missing the other person when they are away but remaining near in heart at all times. Love is a source of SECURITY.

Love is the source of LIFE.

This poem really hit home. I can honestly say that I really did marry for the right reason. I LOVE my husband and know that in the fury of the storm, all my emotions have poured out. I am not sure my WH really understands what LOVE is all about. I am not sure if WS's understand what LOVE is all about. Based on statistics, I am not sure that 1/2 the people I encounter on a day to day basis know what love is all about and this, quite frankly, scares the living sh*t out of me. Who can I truly believe when words of love are spoken?

-K

Me: 28 yo FW
Him: 31 yo WH
Married: 3.5 years, together 5 years
His Affair: Fall 03, continues...
D-Day: May 04, he immediately left
Plan A thru Oct, Plan B thru Nov, Plan D, divorce, beginning.

A follow up for my WH if he is lurking...

I was happy for you when you graduated from your FF academy, after you broke 3 hours for the marathon, when we'd meet after being apart for awhile. Babe, I was sad to see you so angry this past year, I was sad to see you hurting, I was sad to see the firefighting and work causing so much stress, I was sad about our diminishing time together, I was sad about the distance you kept between us, I was sad I was so busy with my work and didn't have as much time to commit to you. BUT I held on to the strength of our love, I knew our bond was special and wanted nothing more than us to be together more.

I was always honest with my emotions. I told you when I was sad that you had to ditch out of trips we had planned together cuz of firefighting/work obligations. I told you I was sad that we didn't spend as much time together. I told you I was proud of you in all that you accomplished with the FF, I shared in your excitement of breaking 3 hours, I spoke so highly of you to others when you were not around, I held you close to me wherever we'd go together cuz I loved you so dearly. My love for you was REAL.

I felt like we were invincible. We laughed at each others quirks and shared many awesome times together, helping to balance each other. There was an obvious UNITY between us that others took notice of. Your parents told me after one month that you had spoken of me as "the one". My parents heard it, my grandparents and friends sensed it...I had fallen in love for the first time in my life. Donnie spoke of our undeniable UNITY in his toast to us on our wedding day.

We gave each other freedom to seek out our dreams. I supported your quest to become a firefighter. I helped pace you to a sub 3 hour marathon. I opened you up to the idea of trying new adventures. You supported my quest to launch my own business, you supported my quest to become in Ironman. We were able to share each other's SUCCESS...I was by your side as you were one of 3 out of 11 who graduated from the tough academy, when you were honored by the mayor for your volunteer work in the Cedar Fire. You were my biggest fan at my first Ironman, helped encourage me when I was stressed with work.

We spoke of starting a family together, we started looking for a house, we once talked of racing in all 50 states together, we discussed what life would be like with me as a business owner and you as a firefighter...oh the freedom, the time we'd have together. We were looking towards a BRIGHT FUTURE together.

Ok, so there was the occassional storm brought up with the stress of both of us striving towards time consuming dreams, including career and athletics. This storm we are in now is a HUGE test of our strength....I know I will make it through...my passion for marriage, for love is unbreakable.

My patience has been tested this past year but I understand the tribulation of your year and I forgive you for your mistakes. I am willing to SHARE my thoughts on what I can do to make our marriage better, our love stronger. Can you?

I told you from day one that I will always be there for you even if you cannot see my face or hear my voice right now. I am a phone call away, a 1/4 mile down the street from you. My ears are always here to listen. My heart has always stayed true to you. You can count on me being there....my love for you has always been SECURE.

I have a zest for life...you know that. LOVE is special to me and something I have never taken for granted which is why so many new emotions have been felt these past 5 years with you by myside.

-K

<small>[ December 14, 2004, 12:46 PM: Message edited by: kjb23 ]</small>

Your post brought tears to my eyes. I wish you the best!

Hi TR...how are you doing?

I also had tears writing this thread. I actually had a couple books by this author that I had bought before my wedding and interestingly I had the one I posted marked with a clip...I do remember reading it after WH proposed to me and marked it because it hit all the emotions I was feeling as well as my thoughts on love and marriage. I wish there were more people in this world who took love and marriage as seriously as we all do.

-K

Hi!
I'm doing pretty good. Thanks!

I agree...I wish there were more people out there who took marriage seriously. My WH says that marriage is just a peice of paper. When I got married I took my vows very seriously. Obviously they didn't mean the same to my WH. He's still really in fogland. I'm assuming he's still with the OW...don't know.

Glad to hear it...thank god hurricane season is behind ya, right? I guess that could be a good analogy for all of us except that you actually went through the real thing in Florida ( : I went to school at Florida State and remember good ole hurricane season!

In retrospect, I guess I should have seen my WH's pattern in previous relationships. After his first love (high school sweetheart) burned him by sleeping with his college roommate (he walked in on them apparently), he developed a pattern of cheating. Post college, he had a long term relationship (something like 3 years) with a girl and people tell me that there was an overlap with me...meaning that he was actively pursuing a relationship with me when she was still thinking all was good in their relationship. I have been told this girl was absolutely devastated by WH's breakup with her...afterall, they had been together for many years and same thing...he was able to just jump into a new relationship with me without regard for her. I was under the impression that he had ended it with her cleanly but I am not so sure about it....always felt kind of funny when we'd bump into her. His mom said that I was special out of all the woman WH chose to date...that the whole joke of the family was when WH was going to meet the "one". He admitted to his mom that his girlfriend of 3 years was NOT the "one" and he even failed to introduce her to his family even after 3 years (never brought her home for the holidays). WH asked his parents to come out and meet me 4 months into dating and then brought me home for the holidays to meet his entire family a few months later before proposing to me 9 months into dating. There was an obvious connection. Unlike WH, I had dated but nothing serious and never had spoken the words "I love you" cuz I never felt it. I always knew that there would be some kind of sign and I got it with WH early on...it was very exciting to me.

I guess we are one of the few left who do believe and fully respect what love is all about. I do forgive mistakes that my WH made..afterall, part of what love entails is being there through the bad BUT a marriage cannot work if WH does not believe in all of what is spoken in that poem.

-K

the poem also hit the spot for me. I wish my husband would read that too.

Ivory...was thinkin of ya the other day. I'll be headed to Naperthrill on Dec 21-27th if you want to get together ( :

that would be cool... my mom and sister will be in town from dec 21 to the 25th... maybe we can do something the day after christmas.

Great ( : I'll plan on contacting you as we get closer. I don't have any definite plans yet so the day post Christmas should work!