QUESTION ALL:
Do you explain to your WS that (s)he is in the fog.. and explain what that means. Do you think the WW would then use that against you since they are in the fog?

No directly. I used to tell my WS, that he was babbling and I couldn't understand what he was saying.

Told him about the fog when he showed signs of coming out of it. But that in itself wasn't real helpful.

Again, don't try to reason with them when they are in the fog. They don't get it and yes they can use it like everything else against you.

JMHO,
L.

Fighting -

I don't know what you mean by the WS using it against you, but I think trying to explain the fog to them would be pointless. Trying to explain anything to someone actively involved in an affair seems to be pointless. Of course planting a seed never hurts and then when they start coming out of the fog a bit, it might start to make sense to them.

My DD's dad told me years later that everything I said to him came back to him and made sense, but when he was in his fog, he thought I was nuts. He also told me that if I would have kicked him out and cut him off completely after the first affair, we would have gotten back together probably very quickly. He said by my being so wishy washy it contributed to his behavior in allowing him to be part of my life while he was in his lying, cheating mode. And I was very wishy washy until my love for him completely died, and then when he wanted back a little while after our DD was born, my love for him was all gone pretty much and I wasn't willing to try again.

F4MW don't waste your breath.

WS in fog IME are incapable of reason. I have only just begun to replay some of the babble to my Squid and she is embarrassed by and denying of it.

Orchid is right that you should just explaan how it doesn;t make any sense but the best thing to do is reverse babble. This gives you the chance to stuff some logic back in while the mail slot is open for horsepoo.

F4mw,

Due to the fact that they are in the "fog" will make it pointless to explain it to them.

Because they are in the FOG!!!!!

Nothing makes sence to them as well as nothing that they are "thinking and saying" is making any sence.

So how would you think it would make any sence to them explaining what "The Fog" is?????

I think that when they are foggy, they use about anything to put it against you.


I don't even think that people that have never been "touched" by Affairs know what this is all about.

They all tend to say things like:
Kick your WS out of the house! or Get divorced, it's over!
Or you even hear things like: Well you pushed your WS into the affair, so it's actually your fault.

I believe that only people that are "Out of the Fog" or people that have dealt with affairs personally will "truely" understand what "The fog" means. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

bb

I tend to concur. My fww made zero sense while in the fog. Like Bob, I have mentioned a few of the things she said to her and she either completely denies ever saying them or is totally embarassed. Dopamine is powerful stuff I suppose.

Thanks guys.. I've been contemplating about that for a while now..
now another question for EVERYONE:
her inability to move forward, either with me or OM.
because of the fog. ?
her anxiety she has around me
because of the fog?

i know the fog is the reason why she doesn't beleive anything I say.. why she tells me horrible things.
but if you are in the fog do you tell you BS that your sorry for continuing to do things you do?

I think I understand the fog.. but I'm just looking for a better understanding of the fog.. how deep it runs.. and sign of it lifting.

btw thank you everyone for answering my stupid questions again,, and again.. especially when many of you have worse problems then me..
I feel for you all <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

The things my WS told me at times were really silly. He either doesn't remember or he doesn't believe that he said those things.

Now almost 4 years later we even can laugh about his state of "insanity!" <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

So for you guys that are still going through this pain, please "hold on & hang in" it will get better.

take care
bb

F4MW your WW has no ability to maintain a healthy relationship with anyone right now. Not you, not OM , not kids...no-one. Its YOUR job to hold it all and HER together while she rebuilds her ablity to do that. You up for it ? COURSE You are ! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Bob Pure:
<strong> F4MW your WW has no ability to maintain a healthy relationship with anyone right now. Not you, not OM , not kids...no-one. Its YOUR job to hold it all and HER together while she rebuilds her ablity to do that. You up for it ? COURSE You are ! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">SSssssooooo True. I can now look back at what my W was trying to do while I was in my fog and see it for what it truly was. But while I was in my fog you couldnt tell me SH*T. And telling me I was in a fog? I would have laughed. I would have told you, No I have come out of my fog.


As everyone has said, dont waste your time trying to TELL the fogged WS that they are in a fog. Wont do a bit of good at that time.