About three weeks ago I confronted my husband about lying about getting his degree (which he purchased online) and about a car repair that never happened (in which he took out $240 dollars and was gone for 5 hours and his whereabouts were unaccountable. I still suspect at minimum an EA with a formewr coworker but have very little proof but phone numbers on our redial lists.

This last Saturday I had told him the past few weeks have been very hard for me since our confrontation. I am not sure how to make him feel comfortable enough to be honest with me. SO I asked him to fell out the EN questionnaire in hopes to be able to start meeting his approritate needs and begin filling his Love Bank so he can be honest with me again.

Well, he wasn't very responsive to it. He didn't think it would do much good but tenatively agreed he'd fill it out. It still sits on the end table in the family room where I left it on Saturday.

I am in turmoil. Do I ask him again to fill it out since his first reaction was less than ecstatic. How long do I wait. Every day I see that untouched questionnaire gets my mind going on what else he could be hiding. He has since our confrontation added spybot to our computer.

I think we need counseling but that is out of the question for him. I'd like to plan A but I don't know what EN's are the important ones to him and some days I have very little desire to meet even one EN due to the curretn state of our marriage. I told him it's gonna take a long time fo rme to get over the lies he has already told me. I have so little trust in anyhting he says. Anyway- I would love suggestions on what to do... ANY ideas p[lease!

P

Try to figure out his ENs on your own without him filling out the questionnaire. You can do it!!! That will be the best start to your PLAN A. You can't start PLAN A by LBin and trying to push him into doing something that he does not want to do.

My WH has been stonewalling on the EN questionaire too. He says he still has it and now, as of our noon encounter, says he'll fill it out.

I'm not a MINDREADER!

Paranoid,

Take the initiative. Fill yours out and then approach him. Say, "I'm ready to discuss the EN Questionairre. Will you go get yours?"

When he says that he hasn't filled it out, tell him he has an hour. Then, you're going to come back and talk to him about it.

If he HASN'T fileld it out at that point, don't let him off the hook. He'll just have to sit there and listen as you talk about YOUR needs.

WARNING:

Being demanding is a huge LBer.

Steve Harley himself told me "You can't be a teacher if you don't have a student".

I would highly recommend PLAN A behaviors. Fill it out yourself. Don't try to make him do anything that he does not want to do.