My husband finally started to talk to me today about our relationship. He said that he is tired of hurting me. He has been cheating on me, although lying about, for a year. He would say it was over and then I would find out that he was still seeing her.

Today, he said that he likes having his freedom. He likes being able to do what he wants to do when he wants to do it. He hasn't been living here for atleast 6 months. He also travels for work and is away 3 to 4 days a week.
He said he hasn't seen the OW for a couple of weeks. He just doesn't want to come home. Isn't that just wonderful. He said that being at home makes him angry and then he just wants to leave. He didn't talk about what makes him angry and since he was finally talking I didn't want to push anything. We don't fight. I think maybe it's just the quilt from being such a bad guy lately....but I am not sure.

So, finally he isn't with the OW, maybe? But he isn't interested in coming home. He said he is afraid he will just cheat on me again, he liked the excitement and the fun. So as I see it, he wants to just have fun and not live up to his responsibilities.

Have I wasted all this time being patient, trying to make things better just to have him leave because he doesn't want to accept his responsibilities. Help!

Any advise is appreciated.

Thanks,
Alesa

Can you support yourself without him? I think it is time for Plan B.

WHY do you still wnt him? Have you thought about cutting your loses and moveing on w/ your life.IT dosent sound like he wants to work it out <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> I am sorry you have to go through him hurting you .I hope you find & get what makes you happy but is jt realy him

He's full of cra#. I suspect he is seeing the OW, maybe even staying with her. Hire a PI and get some photos. Do you have kids? Hire a family attorney to tell you your rights. I would also go to plan b. If it isn't the OW, then it may be a new OW.

I am sorry for your pain.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> He said that he is tired of hurting me.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Hurting you is not his goal.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Today, he said that he likes having his freedom.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Then, release him to his freedom. "Freedon's just another word for nothing left to lose."

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">He likes being able to do what he wants to do when he wants to do it.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You have no control over his "freedom" ... you only control if he imposes his "freedom" upon you.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">He hasn't been living here for atleast 6 months. He also travels for work and is away 3 to 4 days a week.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You currently do not have a marriage relationship.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">He said he hasn't seen the OW for a couple of weeks.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Probably a lie... but does not matter, because....

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">He just doesn't want to come home.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">This is what matters.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">He said that being at home makes him angry and then he just wants to leave.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">He is angry. The reason is not you. His anger is his monster. Don't own it.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">He didn't talk about what makes him angry and since he was finally talking I didn't want to push anything. We don't fight. I think maybe it's just the quilt from being such a bad guy lately....but I am not sure.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">What perks does he get from telling you all of this??? Guess what they are if you don't know.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">So, finally he isn't with the OW, maybe?</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Too close to call. He's ultra confused and lost as a man. He has NO IDEA who he is. This is all about him searching for himself ....

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">But he isn't interested in coming home. He said he is afraid he will just cheat on me again, he liked the excitement and the fun. So as I see it, he wants to just have fun and not live up to his responsibilities.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Doesn't sound to me like he's very happy with himself. "Fun" is not lowering yourself to become a lying-cheating-A-hole ... this is NOT about "fun.... this is a lost soul.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Have I wasted all this time being patient, trying to make things better just to have him leave because he doesn't want to accept his responsibilities. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Until he discovers his identity ... he cannot commit.

Patience is never without purpose... Accept that you have no power to define for him his own identity. This is his spiritual crisis. Allow him to fully feel responsible for his crisis. This is not logical. This is a spiritual failing, IMO.

Protect yourself as necessary.

Gosh, this is so sad. You do not have a marriage, nor a husband. You have nothing but pain. Seek legal counsel and get eveything you can out of him. This is painful for you I know. But things will get better. This is not your fault. Everyone here is telling you the same thing because it is so obvious to us. Don't believe anything he tells you. Don't take on blame. Just take everything you possibly can from him and run as fast as you can!!!