If my memory serves me correct....in your signature line you HAD something in there along the lines of "if you loose yourself while saving your WH, what did you really loose?...." I know this is far off, but I hope you understand...
Am I correct, and if so, What was it?
I really liked it <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by DanigirlinVA:
<strong> If my memory serves me correct....in your signature line you HAD something in there along the lines of "if you loose yourself while saving your WH, what did you really loose?...." I know this is far off, but I hope you understand...
Am I correct, and if so, What was it?
I really liked it <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Well, DanigirlinVA, the phrase was:

If you "lose yourself" trying to save your marriage, what have you really "saved"?

I really feel this is so important here, but alas, I am sure there will be someone too come along soon and expand on how this isn't completely right, because Harley said this or that... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> ........YAWN!

I hope you are getting along well. One day at a time right?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> If you "lose yourself" trying to save your marriage, what have you really "saved"?
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Very well said, Lemon. I "lost myself" long before saving my M, or even the A. I saved nothing. Can I be the poster child? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

But I do have to admit that I feel better now than I have in a very long time. I am finding myself again, and remembering who I am and what I like. It's very liberating.

Don't you dare worry about what someone might say about this line! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> You are right on......

Lemonman,

dang. I tried to find the last post you started, Lemonmans story. I wanted to find that. I guess after a 10 hour shift I am not up to it.

I was the last poster on your thread. You never replied.

Granted, I can understand those who have been in a long plan A can dig what you are saying.

However <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> (don't you hate that word?) LOL. Please I ask of you, do not try to encourage people to divorce when they have only been on this site for a couple of months.

It took my FWS about 5 months after d'day to figure out what he needed to do.

We have a wonderful relationship at this time. Sometimes it takes a few months.

You never replied to my post, re: Lemonman's story. I am always the threadkiller. LOL. But I do believe I asked a pertinent question. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Read the MB principals. People here do take things to the extreme. But not all. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Read your Bible, if you are a man of faith, as you say, then figure out what you were not doing to fulfill yourWS needsIf you did all you were supposed to, well then good for you. If not, figure out what you could have done and do it in your next relationship.

It takes two to tango. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

Sorry for the mistakes, I am tired and don't feel like correcting my spelling right now <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Gotta love you lm <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Love in Christ,
Miss M

I too agree with you lemonman. If you lose yourself to save a marriage how was it worth it? Does one really want to sell their soul to have someone back in their life that does not want to be there? Why does one want to be with someone they can not trust. Why does one have to change themselves completely to "win" someone back? If you can not be yourself and have a person love you, then they really do not love you at all.

For those who are wonder, yes this was written primarily for my benifet!

There comes a point in this "process" that many BS HAVE to lose themselves in order to FIND themsleves again. Some BS, including me, would do anything to save their marriage...but at what cost? What cost was I going to save this mariage for?

I have realized it is NOT WORTH IT...I have now FOUND myself again. It took me a loooong time to get here, but I am here...my M will not be saved, but *I* will be saved. Even if my M was saved today, I would be lost again...it is not what I want anymore!

Love that quote LM...you are an inspiration to me, really! Thanks!

Mom

If you think you lose "yourself" because you are trying to save your marriage, then the LOVE was not strong enough. When we take the "marriage vows" it says "in the good and in the bad.

Of course if the marriage did not have very strong foundation or love, everything will be lost,Marriage, YOurself and Spouse!!

Myrta

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by KMEJ:
<strong> Does one really want to sell their soul to have someone back in their life that does not want to be there? Why does one have to change themselves completely to "win" someone back? </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">OK, I'm new, but there's something that strikes me as fundamentally wrong with this. Here's my view, though from reading other posts, it may not be all that popular. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Even though the BS is not responsible for a WS's A, isn't it true that the BS bears some responsibility for allowing the M to get to the point where the WS looked outside the M to get needs met? I think that there absolutely must be change on the part of the BS to learn and grow and build new habits and behaviors and ways of interacting with the WS. If there is no change from the BS end, then the situation is still primed for an A.
Of course, the statement is probably meant to be appreciated by those who have tried changing for their S and it didn't work out. But I think implying that a BS doesn't have to do anything but "be myself" is missing a critical point about why an A happened in the first place, and might mislead some newbies....

Miss M,

Here is a link to the post you were referring to.