<img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> A question I need some help with.

My WW has had her A going on for 8 months, says the PA happened once the rest of the time it has been an EA. She has told me her OM made her feel alive, and that I just beat her up about life and she felt dead with me. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

She found her OM when she went back to work, was done with staying home with the kids, needed something of her own. Well now she has a lot that is her own. She has not done a NC letter to her OM, says she has no interest in a relatonship with him. She says to him she is just a booty call! He has other women beside my WW he is with. She knows this yet they still fall into each others arms. She says she know's she is foolish, or is this just a ploy for me to let her be right now while she decides what she wants?

I have moved out of the house after a poor attempt at plan A, yet now that I am out she said she is starting to see the man she fell in love with again. My strenght and determination, my love of our kids DD-6 DD-3.

Question, can I do an effective Plan A if I am out of the house, or is she just telling me things I want to hear so she can still have her EA with me out of the picture?

You can do a fine Plan A while out of the house. There is no problem with that. Just don't back down on your boundaries.

Yes, Plan A can be accomplished with you out of the house. Much of Plan A can be accomplished without even being married. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> This is the part about your introspective look to identify what improvements you can make in your interpersonal relationships - no matter who they're with.

But to your case:

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by alank:
<strong>My WW has had her A going on for 8 months, says the PA happened once the rest of the time it has been an EA. She has told me her OM made her feel alive, and that I just beat her up about life and she felt dead with me.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Don't believe the PA happened once. Don't believe you "beat her up" about life. Blah blah blah.

But we need to go back to the Plan A question: Why are you out of the house? Why don't you move back in today???

You asked why I moved out of the house?

Well my WW spent six months telling me how I was a bad guy, how she is unable to trust me, I may have an angry outburst at any time, she said we needed time to find out who we each are as individules <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> She wants to find out if we have enough left to come back into this as husband and wife. I love her, I dont want to see her go. I want to work on this and fight for this.

I dont think she can see how she may have had anything to do with what she calls my anger.

I have spoken to her about moving back into the house, she has said no flat out. I am in a support group for people with anger problems, I am doing anything to help. I just dont see much from her.

I feel that I may be lucky as her OM has many women on the line and last night she called me to tell me she feels very foolish about the whole thing. She feels like she was used, as she is aware he does not want a relationship with her. I think she is feeling alot of pain of regection from him. He just told her he was off to Hawaii with another woman!! She is hurt by that.

I think that is good for us, as I do understand the PA was ongoing, even if my WW wont admit it.

I will keep my boundries and stick to plan A while I am out of the house. Does any of this sound encouraging to anyone?

Yes it does, especially the part about you looking within to see what you can do to improve things.

The part about your wife's disillusionment with OM is on schedule.

I really think you need to get back into the house but you should ease your way back - instead of forcing you way back in - by spending time with your family and demonstrating your improvements. If you do this wisely and calmly, she will end up asking you to come back. If things didn't look like they were souring with OM, we might advise you to move back right now and let her stew.

But time is on your side. Let the affair implode, it doesn't need your help, it appears.

Work hard on yourself while your wife is re-evaluating her affair. Plan A is really all about multitasking - working on yourself while the affair runs its course.

WAT

Thanks WAT. I think her fog is lifting, and I think I am showing her I am better at this.

She just called me to tell me she was going out tonight with her BF. Asked if she could call me when she got home as she would not be out late. I think i was great with it, I might even belive what she is doing tonight as I was not filled with worry about it. You have been most helpfull.

I have not been taken by aliens, my WW has. And now I have a better idea of what to do for her and myself.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by alank:
<strong>She just called me to tell me she was going out tonight with her BF.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Huh? BF = boyfriend?

What exactly did she say? She announces when she's gonna boink him?

WAT

I think BF = best friend in this case. (at least I hope)

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by worthatry:
<strong> </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by alank:
<strong>She just called me to tell me she was going out tonight with her BF.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Huh? BF = boyfriend?

What exactly did she say? She announces when she's gonna boink him?

WAT </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">My WW did the same thing, in a sense. She didn't call me to tell me, but she certainly set me up to ask her -- just so she could tell me about her plans w/ OM. Only reason I can think of is that she knew it would hurt me. Interesting way to go about things.

Sorry for the BF. Yes that is her best friend. She has opened up so much in the last few days I thought the fog was lifting. As it turns out, she was going out with her freinds from her office and just told me she was going with her best friend.

She was very worried that I would be upset if she told me the truth. Her office is where her OM is as well. She said he would not be going, yet as we all know I dont think I can belive her.

She called when she got home last night to tell me she loves me (why does she say this?) I am sure she was with him, I did not question her in any way just let her talk. She told me she loves me and wants to spend time with me yet she is not ready to be married again! I so badly wanted to let her know she is still married. She told me flat out she needs to find out who she is and what she wants out of life, well I know what my kids and I want... Our family back.

It seems that we have not made any progress at all. I am so hurt by her actions. She wants to party, it seems like my WW is looking for something better than she had with me..

The aliens have control and I dont know what to do.. Still working plan A while I am out of the house, but it is so hard.

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> I just want to shake her and teel her to snap out of it. You are hurting so many people.
I feel very lost.

She is quick to point out how hard this is for her. I dont see it. She has our house and our kids, I am living in a basement with nothing, no kids, no loving partner. What part does she think is hard for her. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

I guess I am starting to babble right now.

My WW is going out at night, having fun I guess with her friends, I still think her OM is involved. She wont send the NC letter to him but she called me just now to tell me she has told him face to face it is over and done with. No more contact at all! I have a hard time beliving my WW. It has all been lies to this point.

She has told me many times that her OM has many OW and is going to Hawaii with one for Xmass. She is telling me she is feeling used by him, yet she keeps going back. I dont think her NC conversation with him means much as he has some power over my WW. He calls she jumps. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

If she goes out should I?

If she see's her OM, should I date?

She gets upset if I go out, yet all she wants to do is go out herself, have fun and find herself. Yet she wont give me the same freedom. I am on month eight of this and I am getting tired of it all. It is so very hard to do Plan A when all she will do is push me away. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

She has told me so much about what a jerk her OM is, I was starting to think she was comming out of the fog, then she told me again...I am not ready for this..

Why do we have to wait for our WW's to come back to normal... When will she see the light? Why wont she give me a second chance, I am willing to give her one. I am sorry that I ramble on about all this, you guys are great for listening to me.

Thank you for all the help.

I was just on the phone with my WW. My DD wanted to talk to me. As we were talking my WW's cell phone rang with a special ring (the one for her OM) She then went and locked herself in her bedroom. Does she think I am stupid? Or does she just not care.

My three year old is on the phone with me trying to get into her mom's room and she has the door locked! Kinda cold dont you think. The fog is here and as thick as ever. I will keep up my plan, but I am starting to forget what I am fighting for. She is so bold with her OM.

What does a person do..I dont know how long I can handle the pain.

Before I jump to conclusions, it could have been someone else on her phone, maybe it was not her OM?

Whe do you start to trust again? She has told me she has been hurt enough by her OM. Should I belive it was her OM or someone else. The pain of not knowing what is going on is killing me.

My feelings make it hard not to LB. I hurt and I want her to stop.

Well this has been up and down and up and down. I thought my WW's fog was lifting, seems it is not.

She just called me to tell me about her best friend, she looks so happy now that her and her H are split. The best friend has a new man in her life, everything for her is great.

My WW came right out and told me she wants a happy life like that, she just cant have it with me.

Her friend is a WW as well, yet she seems happy with life now. What is my next step? I don't know what to do. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

I think we are done, yet she wont say Divorce, yet she hints at it all the time. What does one do when all roads seem to have been crosed.