To sum things up quick, husband and i drifted apart. Married 7 yrs. together 10.. Our communication was terrible. Caught H in an EA last year that lasted a year. After caught told me he was unsure what he wanted, lost that spark, and held alot of resentment towards me. He's been in therapy for a year and realizes i wasn't really is problem just that growing up he was always told to just please people etc. so he never verbalized how he felt with me.. He moved out for 4 mos. came back it's been 9 mos. since he's back but still distant.. says he has a hard time treating me the way i deserve and doing nice things for me. Doesn't know why just thinks he needs to find out in therapy why he still resents me so much but want to work on our marriage and wants things to work. But i walk on egg shells around him not knowing what he wants from me etc.

Anyway, sorry so long, for the last couple of weeks i have made sure i made no LB's , haven't questioned him, been very pleasant and upbeat around him, trying to meet all his EN's and still distant but he's been pleasant... I've questioned many times am i hear for the kids, am i afraid of actually leaving but in the same breath i do love him or the old him and am willing to do what i have to at this point to make this work..

Well tonight i lost it. My daughter has been sick since Monday and on antibiotic.. today she was sent home from school early running a fever again.. took her to the dr. at 4pm today and they said she was on the wrong antibiotic.. When we left she was burning up and sleeping ... So i didn't take the prescription to get filled i figured i'd take her home , let her sleep and go in the morning.. well H called and asked if i got the prescription when i said no he had a tone in his voice and said i think you should go now when i explained why he said OH< with a disgusted tone.. well being that he's blown away my self-esteem i took it as him telling me i'm a horrible mother. so yes, i LB'd big time.. told him i can't believe the way you are talking to me, do you realize the tone of disgust you have etc.. He told me i'm blowing things way our of porportion ... I know part of me reacted because i'm so tired of the way he treats me, so tired of feeling not loved ,, so tired of trying to prove myself to him etc.. I'm sorry if i'm rambling i hope this all makes sense..

I just feel like we are never getting out of this whole. Am i beating a dead horse, do i keep trying, what should i be doing or should i just call it quits.. Please any advice would be greatly appreciated... I'm at my wits end.. thank you..

jolu,

I'm so sorry things are so stressful....even at the best of times (and this isn't) holiday stresses and other things can make this a hard time of year.

Please take a deep breath for a second....and please don't kill the messenger. You are a WONDERFUL mother I am SURE! However, your husband is right about the antibiotics. If your daughter is running a fever....waiting 12 hours until buying the medicine is probably not prudent. I am certain that you felt the way he communicated that information was disrespectful. It sounds to me like neither of you is doing a good job of talking about what you really feel. He used a "tone" you "blew up" because you assumed he thought you were a bad mother.

I'm sure you're worn out...but I do really think that you two can work through this stuff. He should have said...."W, I'm really worried about DDs health...would you mind getting that medicine now." You could have asked "Are you worried about DD, because I'm sensing that you think I should get that medicine now." Instead...you're both doing the "dance".

hugs!! I know this stuff is hard when you feel as though you're the only one working....but it takes two to fight....and only one not to.

Thanks starfish, i appreciate the reply.. And yes i thought it was important to get her the antibiotic but her fever was high and she was lethargic and i asked the dr. what he thought and he thought since she was still on the other antibiotic (it was working, just not strong enough to kill infection) i should take her home first to give her tylenol to break the fever. I would have to wait a half hour at the pharmacy with my little guy also who is sick and just felt best if i got them home... You know H could have come home to help me but instead he's out entertaining clients... So i guess i'm a little bitter there.. I know it's not right.. I'm just so confused.. What are your thoughts on our situation as a whole? do you think there's hope.. What more should i be doing? He is still in some sort of fog? I really need some guidance here. Thank you... Oh, and ps. her fever broke so i am know going to pharmacy to pick up the medication...