PEPPERBAND-- You said about me in a previous post in Lemonman's thread that my individualistic spirit was torpedoed by my desire for intimate closeness. That my strenght begat my weakness.

What did you mean by that?

I like considering myself the light of my husband's life. To tell you the truth, I have so much energy that I sometimes make my husband nervous. In the morning at 7:15 in the morning I am already wired. My daughters tell me to calm myself <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> , because sometimes I am too hyper.

Anyways can you please tell me what you meant??

Thank you Pepperband. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

MYRTA

Sorry to jump in on your thread but it sounds to me like you're just full of life and have a great spirit! I think that's wonderful! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Myrta:
<strong>..... To tell you the truth, I have so much energy that I sometimes make my husband nervous. In the morning at 7:15 in the morning I am already wired. My daughters tell me to calm myself <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> , because sometimes I am too hyper.

Anyways can you please tell me what you meant??

Thank you Pepperband. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

MYRTA </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Too much coffee? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Guess it w/b better to wait for Pep to address this properly. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

L.

TREERICH- <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> wELL, thank you!! I do feel full of life!!

ORCHID--LOL...Actually thats before drinking my cup of coffee.


MYRTA

Sgt.Pepper---- <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

MYRTA

Pretty hectic around here... just ate a delicious tamale for breakfast.

You defend your individualism ...

"Nobody tells Myrta what to do."

... which might sometimes push people away from sharing intimate thoughts with you ....

..... because....

Sometimes Myrta thinks someone is being pushy or trying to control Myrta, when they are simply expressing their opinion.

Which can lead to ....

...emotional isolation for Myrta....

because....

people may decide to tip-toe around her knowing Myrta will "fire at will" if she interprets someone as being pushy or controlling toward her.

..... and feeling emotionally isolated left an unmet need.... intimate sharing...

.... which OM was able to fill....

because... Myrta was vulnerable to emotional stroking ..... due to her sometimes isolationist defensiveness.

Well.... Myrta, my dear.... that tamale was DElicious !

This is only a theory Myrta.... and like any theory, it is only as valid as the premise on which it is based.... the things I read here.

Pep

<small>[ December 17, 2004, 10:40 AM: Message edited by: Pepperband ]</small>

PEPPERBAND---Do you think I still am that way? Or do you think I have let my guard and "individualism" down a bit?

I really dont want to push people away, even if it seems that way. I want to hear what everyone has to tell me, so I can understand the dynamics of life better.

I grew up having my guard up. I had a "protection shield" around me when I was growing up,that was my way of dealing with my dysfunctional family. I really never talked with anyone about any of my qualms or problems.

Anyways, thank you for taking the time to explain to me. Feel free to post anything to me that you feel necessary, I dont want to push you away. I really like your advice,and your way to see life.

Pepperband....YOu ate a tamale for breakfast!Yikes!!! Why not some pancakes with sausage or some toast??? LOL

Take care...

MYRTA


The fact is, truth is your truest friend, no matter what the cirmcunstances are...A.Lincoln

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I really dont want to push people away, even if it seems that way. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I absolutely felt that way. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Tamale's for breakfast....yum.... you oughta try pastele's and rice for breakfast..... double yum... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

OK, enough about breakfast because I haven't even had coffee yet. LOL!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Myrta, the point is that if people feel you are pushing them away and you don't, who in this equation can you control? Yourself right? So others feel you are pushy. Maybe slight adjustments c/b a good positive step.

I used to be an operations manager.....my job forced me at times t/b pushy. I had a very pushy yet very good director. I learned to balance the 2. You know how I was treated?

To my staff some initially thought I was pushy. I ran my office with an open door policy....they could come in and I would listen. Then what was within my jurisdiciton, I would decide. A couple came in and told me I was pushy. I heard them out, thanked them for coming forward, asked for their suggestions and input and that I would take it under serious consideration. I am known for hearing it out and acting appropriately.

I took a good look at myself. I didn't see all they said but made changes on their valid points. I met with them again and outlined my changes. Asked for their input. They agreed and end of story.

Then there are others who spew out stupidity. I became their scape goat for their inabilities. I refused to be there for such unprofessional behavior (from other managers no less). My staff behaved better than these certified, educated professionals. Imbiciles!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> For those, I listened and handed the problem back to them. I politely yet firmly let them know that I understand their concern but for me to absorb their problem would not help them. If they run their business by unloading their responsibilities on others by putting the blame in the wrong areas, they were going to have to take it back in this case. I would there to help only when it is my responsibility. My normal extesion of help was revoked and I then worked only within the clear guidelines of my job description. They got the message but they gave me the reputation that I was difficult to work with. A few times it led me to my HR and director's office. Once it was properly explained, again...end of story.

Well that's my take. Hope it helps. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

L.

What is all this talk of this word, how you say, breakfast? and this other word eat? foriegn words i say!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Learning The Hard Way:
<strong> What is all this talk of this word, how you say, breakfast? and this other word eat? foriegn words i say! </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Steve,

U must be still on that infidelity diet? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> Sorry..... maybe the smell of a good breakfast is churning your tummy. I know it used to do mine. But you will get over it soon.

Make sure you get some exercise or get your body moving somehow - LOL!!! Deep breathing exercises are a start but no hyperventilating, ok? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

L.

Myrta, I love the spirit you have, and just so you know my WW has the same spirit.

She has told me over and over for years that I was trying to control her. My situation was much the same as the one you have. EVERYTHING THAT CAME OUT OF MY MOUTH WAS TAKEN AS CONTROLLING! If I said the sky was blue, my WW thoght it was a controll issue. She was never able to see I was just talking to her.

Her spirit is amazing, yet my WW needs to slow down and relax, not everyone wants to control. We just want to talk.

Myrta... for an exercise, assume no one is trying to control you for one week. Take whatever anyone says to you as their opinion, nothing more. You will see, nothing bad happends to you when you relax your guard a little bit, especially at home.

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Tamales are perfect breakfast food. Cornmeal, chicken, spicy .... yum..... pass the Maalox.

Pep <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

ORCHID--By the way I love your name, is so pretty.

Thank you so much for sharing your story. Its really nice that you could listen to your employees and make amends to your ways. Not everyone is able to do that. Hopefully <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> I can do some changes of my personality to please and apeace my husband. although I think I already started to change some how. I more in tune with him, therefore I listen to him more. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Thank you so much for taking the time to write to me.

MYRTA

ALANK--Yes, I used to think that everything that myhusband said to me was to try to control my thoughts, my personality. Also when I started to post here, I did not welcome some posters suggestions, because I thought they were trying to tell me how to be. And I wanted to be ME!!!

But slowly but surely I am learning my lesson.

Thats good that you still appreciate the spirit of your wife. My husband likes the way I am too, even when I make him angry, or kind of irritated. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Thank you for your post.

PEPPERBAND-Hmm, a whole week? Accepting everything with no questions, I dont know, I will try. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Actually one my sisters eats for breakfast anything that is left from dinner from the night before, anything from pork chops to tamales!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
She has a good supply of malox too.

Thank you.

MYRTA

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Accepting everything with no questions, I dont know, I will try. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Not exactly "accepting everything" ... more like: assuming that those people in your life who love you, intend no harm. Assume an innocent intent.

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Pep

Pepperband...Yes, I know my husband really loves me and I am really going to put that in my mind when he says something to me and I will assume that everything that comes out of his mouth is for my benefit, for OUR benefit.

Thank you

Pepperband, you are very energetic, and very spirited. How do you manage , how do you level your energy to be all positive at home, here?

MYRTA

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Myrta:
<strong> ORCHID--By the way I love your name, is so pretty.

Thank you so much for sharing your story. Its really nice that you could listen to your employees and make amends to your ways. Not everyone is able to do that. Hopefully <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> I can do some changes of my personality to please and apeace my husband. although I think I already started to change some how. I more in tune with him, therefore I listen to him more. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Thank you so much for taking the time to write to me.

MYRTA </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Orchid's are my favorite flower, hence my MB name. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Even though I did this in my professional life and with friends/family.... I had to practice it even better at home. I am not a control freak as I was accused of when WS was in the A but I did retain proper control. See there's a difference and in the A, the WS melts the 2 together. So I eventually told my H that I did need to have 'control' but not in a freaky needy way. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

The one thing that helped me was the book His Needs/Her Needs. This book helped me learn HOW to communicate to a male level to my H. Not the WS, that was a different story.....but to communicate to my H as a male instead of how I wanted t/be communicated with from a female POV.

I recommend you read the book. Then maybe, just maybe this isn't a control issue but a communication one. Or maybe a bit of both.....either way I think the book will help.

All the best,
L.

ORCHID--Orchids are beautiful flowers and they smell soooooo good!! Have you seen all the varieties they have!!

Well, thats another book that I should be getting,maybe for Christmas, for both of us.
The thing with me, with all sincerity, even though I have some much energy, and like to be free spirited, I was also very contained within myself. I did not let myself go completely with anyone,ever!!! Now, I am letting my husband pamper me,baby me, he likes that <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> and I love it too. I was too uptight before to enjoy that completely,

Thank you again for your help.

MYRTA

Hey Myrta,

I just want to jump in here and tell you that I'm a lot like you! I'm a "firecracker" as my H has told me. I can't help but tell people how I feel, and that, combined with my energy just makes some people step back. It also makes some people LOVE to be around you and your spirit! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />