hi, my name is tanthalas, i am married and have been for 6 years and i have been with my wife for 8 years, we have two children together. and i love her and my kids dearly. however in may of this year my wife had an affair with my best friend and kept it from me for a month until she realized she was pregnant with his baby, she ended up having a miscarriage after only a couple of weeks after finding out about the baby, anyway me and her have had a very hard time dealing with this, i told my friend never to come around me or her again and he hasnt so far, but my wife still wants to be his friend and talk to him and i told her that i could not allow them to be friends. anyway since everything was more or less settled between the three of us my wife and i are still together but i have found myself feeling like if she can have an affair i can too and its caused me to be withdrawn from her and hateful, im not really sure what to do cause she told me she was gonna leave me and take my kids from me, i have been trying to be nicer to her but i still have this desire to have an affair just to know what its like to be with another woman, is this normal to feel this way and if it is what should i do, cause im completely at a loss for answers if someone else knows what to do please let me know. thank you

also you can email me at tanthalas2005@yahoo.com for answers

There are a few here who have had affairs after there spouse's. John is one that I can think of off hand.

Just keep on bumping until someone jumps in who has some experience in recovery. I don't, so no help here I am afraid.

Good luck Tanthalas, and hang in there.

Affairs only cause pain. NOTHING good will come of it and it will hurt your children. Keep that in the forefront of your mind.

Welcome to marriagebuilders. It is a great place to be under the circumstances. Many of us have thought about having an affair after we found out about our spouse's infidelity. But that is not the right thing to do, or the thing that will save your marriage.

Read all about Plan A here. You can read all about it on the link in my sig line.

It is extra hurtful when the other party is a friend, but many here have been through that too. Please keep reading and posting here, and we will help you.

Tan,

I had an A abour 6 months after I found out about my wifes 2nd A. She was still in contact with OM also.

Although my wife and I have recovered it has not been easy. There is a lot of hurt that gets spread around because of infidelity.

My wife's take was even though I knew how bad it hurt I chose to allow myself to have an A. I didn't set out to have an A but I didn't try to stop it either.

My A didn't help our recovery at all really. Yes I understood how people get caught up in one, the excitement is overwhelming. But I had to deal with the guilt and remorse eventually and being the betrayer was worse for me than being the betrayed because I didn't control myself.

You having an a because she had one is akin to chopping off your leg so you can identify with an amputee. You have a better understanding of their situation....but your missing a leg. You loose WAY more than you gain in my opinion.

Just my $.02

God Bless

Doug