It is heartbreaking to read new stories on this board day after day, and to remember what I put my husband through. I am a FWW who thankfully found her way out of this affair-hell over 3 years ago. I was involved with a man I met online..the EA progressed to an 18 month PA and it was the stupidest thing I have ever done in my life. I have so many regrets, I was so fogged up back then and now when I look back I am amazed to think I could ever have done what I did. I cant believe I was ever that person!!

It took over a year to come out of the withdrawal period and to find my way back to my husband... No we didnt separate but might as well have because my thoughts were contstantly somewhere else rather than with him. The regret, the guilt, the pain and the tears.. it was horrible and still is at times when I look back at the person I was then. I was depressed and upset all the time until I finally decided I had to forgive myself so I could move forward with my life.. My husband though angry and upset at first, forgave me and has moved on and never mentions the A these days. Our marriage is wonderful again and I know how very lucky I am to have him. He was innocent, he did not deserve for this to happen to him, he was so devastated when he found out. when I think of how he cried, of how much I hurt him after I had to tell him..(I told him because the OM was threatening me he would after I tried to end the affair)..It still kills me to think of how devastated he was that night.

I just felt the need to post. I've learned so much here and even though I was just a lurker until now, this board has helped me through one of the most difficult times of my life.. and it has saved my marriage and on some days, my sanity. I will be forever grateful to all of the old timers and all newcomers whose stories remind me to never go there again..

I wanted all of you who are new and in so much pain to know.. This FWW found her way home and my marriage is happier than before the A..I love and respect my husband more than ever and am thankful every day for him and for the progress we have made. I wish all of you the same happiness and peace.


peace & love,
n_p

A great story and encouraging to me.

Thanks, NP, for sharing it with us.

Georgia

thanks for sharing your story <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

np,

Thanks for sharing your story. If you had the A with a woman, I'd SWEAR you could be my FOW!! I threatened to "out" her to her H after she ended our A, and she beat me to it and told her H first (supposedly told him "all" which I doubt highly!). The thing is that it was just a threat, and I really never intended to do that. But, it messed up our whole friendship, and now we have NC. Sad that we ever crossed that line into an A anyway!

Your story was encouraging to me. My H has been wonderful and supportive, and I'm very lucky to have him. I entered the A much for the same reasons as a lot of people here (somewhat stale in our marriage), but you sound like you have really rebuilt and repaired things.

I am 7 months into D Day and it's still a struggle. H and I are rebuilding, but it's still a long road ahead. Congratulations to you and your H. May you only have happiness together from hereon out.

CC

sorry-double post <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

<small>[ December 17, 2004, 10:45 AM: Message edited by: Buttercup:CC ]</small>

sorry-triple post <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> (this board is wonky today!)

<small>[ December 17, 2004, 10:46 AM: Message edited by: Buttercup:CC ]</small>

NP:

I am back for the same reason! I wonder if it's the holidays that brought us back to help? I just feel like i can help ease some minds somehow.

I know exactly how you feel. Who the hell were we a couple years ago?

I am grateful for the knowledge I have learned here - now I know how to avoid a future A and never to put myself in vulnerable situations again.

Congratulations on your recovery! It's great to be back, isn't it?

Georgia Guy, you are welcome and I hope you are strong and handling things. I dont know your story (I'll take a look at it today)..but I do know your WWs story because I lived it. She is so lost in the fog, but affairs always end, they are all about living in a fantasy world..they arent real.. I hope soon she will realize how she is wasting her life on something that isnt real. Best of luck to you GG.

Finally Learning & Buttercup..I am familiar with both of your stories and it is so nice that you took the time to post to me..thank you.. From one FWW to another, it sure feels good to be FWW rather than WW doesnt it?? I really felt the need to share my story, there are so many new names and situations and it is really sad to think what the WS in these cases are putting their BS through.. I dont even know the woman I was back then, but she was sick and unbalanced and totally lost. I love being back in the real world dont you?

foggy, Yes maybe it is the holiday spirit that made me post for the first time! It hurts to see so many marriages affected by affairs. It is sad to me to know what the innocent partner goes through and so unfair. I am so happy to be back and feel so fortunate for my wonderful husband, who found a way to forgive me and still love me after all the hell I put him through. I was so lost in the addiction. I am happy to say my marriage is stronger than ever since the affair ended. My husband is my world and I love him dearly ..never could I hurt him again the way I did 3 years ago..I'd rather die first. foggy, congratulations to you as well and keep posting.

Thanks everyone for responding, Wishing all of you peace and happiness,
n_p

n_p,

I hope to be in the same place as you one day. I'm glad that you're reading up on the newer members here--you could be of some help to us!

I still find things a little rough (the recovery). I'm torn between feeling supremely grateful for my H, and being sad over what I had to go through with my FOW. I still miss her sometimes and don't wish her any ill will. It's a weird situation. I just hope to be in a place (soon) where she won't be any part of my life anymore, but that seems to take a long time to get over.

Thanks so much for posting. I'll be looking forward to any future posts you'd like to contribute here.

HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!

CC

The net isn't a good thing for relationships I think. It seems alot of A's start out here. My wife told me once about someone she was chatting wtih on line at work.

Can someone tell me what sites are out there that this stuff takes place?

Buttercup,

I'm sorry to hear you are still missing the FOW..I know it will take time and you wont feel that way one day. It is very hard and for me it took almost a year to completely forget the few (very few believe me!)good things about the FOM. When I missed something about him I focused on my husband and the pain my A caused him. I never want to hurt him like that again. The FOM had no right to be part of my life and I had no right to allow him to be. I look at it that way too and have absolutely no good memories of him. I truly wish I had never met this person. He is a complete stranger to me now and I dont care anything about him. I dont wish him ill but I dont care about him at all either. I think one day you will get there too BC.

I will post more especially after the holidays are over. It is such a busy time but I will be back. This board helped to save my marriage, and my life and I always be grateful.If I can help someone avoid what I have gone through that is wonderful.

Happy holidays to you too!!

BillH,

You are so right. The internet has caused so many problems and in my case I would never have had an affair if I hadnt met him over the net, in a chat room. There are numerous chat rooms on aol, yahoo, excite, etc. I think there are so many and most of them are probably fine, if you are single. But I had no right to be there, and was not looking for anyone except a friend to talk to the day I met him. I regret the day I answered his message believe me.. what a nightmare! It was a big mistake to think being involved over the internet was 'safe' and wouldnt cause any problems in my life. Boy was I wrong!! Never again!

regards,
n_p

A great story and so very nice to hear. The part of this site I love is hearing about people who have come out of the fog and started over.

Thanks this gives me hope.

n_p,

Thank you for your encouraging words. I still feel that I'll never think badly of my FOW, or even not think of her at all. I can't deny that she shaped my life right now somehow. We were friends and close for over 3 years, and I don't think I'll ever just write her off. I KNOW I don't even speak about her anymore to my H or to my children. It's too raw. But, you're right, when I think about her (if I'm missing her), I think of what it's done to my H and how I HATE how my life now is so confusing compared to pre-A, that it makes me quite angry. I'm not really angry at her, because we both entered into the A knowingly. I'm more mad that we both stepped over the line, kwim? I wish we could have just kept it at a great friendship instead.

I also want to add that I met her on a messageboard and then we IM'd each other a lot, and then started phoning and then met in person. While we both weren't in chat rooms, or looking to hook up with someone, it's easy to become close to someone online. It could be a dangerous place!

CC