Hey all,
Been a while since i posted, although have been lurking. I guess as the holdidays near just starting to feel a little bummed out, kind of wishing holidays where over with. Even though i will be out of town with my boys and with my family still going to feel like big part of me is missing.
I having a hard time figuring where i am at in this whole mess. I am not really in plan b and if i am have done a very poor job of it. Trying to plan A i guess and move a little forward with me. It is still hard though. I am trying to give WW that i am moving on,playing a little hard to get, i guess but even this isn't working to good for me. I am still overly interested in WW and her activities. I like talking with her but at the same time still upset with her and trying hard not to express it.
WW still fence sitting and giving me very little details about her relationship with OM, her counseling,pr any of that. WW doesn't like to end up in relationship talk d/t usually ends bad but yet still invites me to different events and persistantly calling me about kid issues, some that i am already aware of. I on the other hand jump, like i shouldn't, at every opportunity she presents to me that would include us as a family. I have been trying to involve myself with different things, joined gym,going to sunday school class for singles, golfing, but it is still hard to not get bummed out and at times easily drift back to remember what i used to have.
WW still doesn't know what she wants. Doesn't want to commit to reconciliation....right now as she says but doesn't want to sever the ties with us. Fence sitting.
Tonight will be interesting we are suppose to attend a school musical my kids are in together. That part won't be bad, but will wonder if afterwards she will suggest to go get something to eat and how i should respond. I thought about saying if she ask "Wouldn't u rather spend time with OM?" but they maybe a LB or lead into a LB. She could respond by saying he is out to sea this week,in which case i would probably say ok we will see ya later or she could say no because i want to eat with my boys.
Or could very well not ask and go home and i trying to accept this might happen. I know i am not going to offer or suggest and will let her do this. I have backup plans to go out with my boys to eat and christmas shop anyways.
Another issue, she is buying me Christmas gifts. Something she admitted to over week, when she talked with my kids. Confusing to me....if OM is Mr. everything why is she doing all this...guilt?? or is it i am a convience because OM maybe out to sea this week.
All i know is i am starting to get tired of this and know by first of year i will have to put my foot down and initiate a ofc. plan B with letter and all. I hate the thought of doing that though, because still so in love with her. I hate the thought that i would have to treat her a like a complete stranger after 20years.
Just feeling bummed i guess. Never really used to hate this time of year, but all this has seemed to change that a little. Just want to get it done and over with.
jets

Hey Jets!

"Wouldn't u rather spend time with OM?"

This wouldn't only lead to LB's it is a LB!

Yes, by all means go out to eat with her a kids after the concert. You invite her to come along with you and kids.

You do the very best Plan A you can do over Christmas, make sure all have a really nice time. It is very important to have good memories of holidays for all involved.

Hang in there Guy, it will get a lot easier from here on out.

You are giving the WS mixed signals so she is stringing you along into her web. I don't think you like that feeling do you. Kinda like hanging with no met below? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

Now get on the stick and get to a good plan A then plan B. NO inbetween plan.....yours ain't working right?

Plan A, make your improvements for you and your family. Be cordial and civil with interactions with your W but do not tolerate abuse from the WS.

Plan B, protect the love of your family from the WS. Be cordial and civil on a restricted communication list with your W. Do not tolerate abuse from the WS.

This will not send mixed messages. When she makes definite W actions, you reward it. When she makes WS actions you recoil, no taking the bait and not retaliating (LBs).

When she does stuff for you......you are not obligated to her for each one. This is not a contest. If she buys you a present, say thanks. Let her wonder why you aren't jumping for joy and bending over backwards.

When she makes suggestions to do things as a family, if you are in plan A yes....if you are in plan B consider it a no.

Define your areas of communication when you implement plan B and send her a clear cut letter/e-mail of such. Let there be no question on your status.

JMHO,
L.

[B][/B]
Thanks,
Weaver and Orchid,
Orchid how am i sending her mix signals..????
She sending me mix signals.
[B][/B

Also i know i am not obligated to get her a Christmas present or Birthday present, but i kind of want too......should i? being we are in this sitch.
jets

U R sending mixed signals by communicating with her. You want R talk and she can't. She gives you presents and you are still hurt. U 2 can't help each other right now because U R both going in circles.

As for the presents, you can give it from you and the children. Nothing too personal or that may give the idea you are ok with her being a WS. The WS can't tell the difference right now but you s/b able to.

If this doesn't make sense, I will come back with more details later.

L.

Jets,

I'm sorry that your situation is so difficult.

I thought your wife had soured on the OM, becuase of the infor she got from his ex. It sounds like they are still involved, though.

I understand the situation you are in as mine is very much the same.

Mixed signls from my WW. Calling me all the time, me jumping at her every whim. It has been very hard to stay away from my WW as I hurt myself at times by giving in to her. My WW just called as I was writing this.. I have a hard time saying no. I did it this time, try as hard as you can to stick to Plan A/B. I have started plan A over as my first try was no good.

Keep up the good work keep up the plan

Thanks for the responses.
Andrew no my info that i gave WW worked for about
a few days.....and then once she talked with Om she started back with the protective stuff and i really need to speak with Om about this and get his side. How his STBX has issues and problems and is bitter. Basically was told we have our problems and OM and his stbx have their problems and we shouldn't involve ourselves into each other problems. One good thing that did come out of it was that she started IC and has been going since and maybe also planted a little seed of doubt about OM.
Alank i know what you are going through.... i am finding now though i am trying to not be so quick with my responses to her suggestions. I am trying not to say how high when she says jump.
But it is hard.
Orchid- I guess i am still in plan A I havent given her a Plan b letter. Wrote a few emails to her about almost mo. ago stating my feelings and what i want, but it was not a ofc. plan b letter.
So if i am in plan A can this work being she is still involved with OM.??? In which at this point i don't know the extent because she does not really talk about it. I realize R talks should be stopped for us, because it leads us no where except LB's at the end of a good night.
I am trying to let her do more of the initiation in calling and talking and i am trying to be nice with no LB's.
I was planning on buynig her flowers or a arrangement for her Birthday.....would this be too personal?? As far as Christmas i was going to get the present and addresss it from me and my boys.
jets

Orchid,
One thing i would like to know particularly for tonight....should i offer her to eat dinner with the boys and i, or wait and let her suggest it, or just wait and see what she does, as she may not do neither and just go back to her apt.
Jets